Presidential Beatdown Corona Crush!

If you were forced to have dinner with one of these members, who would you choose?

  • divits

  • aka

  • BNAG8R

  • PastyStoole

  • Jbossgator8


Results are only viewable after voting.

BNAG8R

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Let’s get it back on track, ladies.

What’s next...the Ford Bracket or the Roosevelt Bracket?
 

Captain Sasquatch

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Let’s get it back on track, ladies.

What’s next...the Ford Bracket or the Roosevelt Bracket?
Ford will be next. Maybe if everyone is inside during these storms this afternoon we can knock them out (pun intended).
 

Durty South Swamp

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doodley doodley doo!
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Lincoln was a champion wrestler, had at least 3 inches on Trump, and even in Trump's athletic peak, he was maybe an above average baseball player on a team full of rich kids. Lincoln would have whooped his ass without breaking a sweat and then built a log cabin with his bare hands.
except you were comparing regean and trump...
 

Jbossgator8

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Did we get to the Final 4 yet or is that next month?
 

BNAG8R

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ROUND #1 RESULT: FORD -VS- ADAMS

In a matchup that, on paper, looks like Ford in a rout, this match was surprisingly close, as Ford slipped and fell 6 times...most of the time when Adams wasn’t even near him.

However, using techniques he learned as an all American O-linemen, Ford pancakes Adams in the middle of the first round, and Adams, with the wind knocked out of him, taps out and cowers in the the corner.

FORD WINS!
 
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BNAG8R

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ROUND #1 RESULT: GEORGE W BUSH -VS- GEORGE H.W. BUSH

Interesting matchup here. H.W. in his peak was a war hero, demonstrated toughness and resolve, and a good athlete. He also had the tale of the tape advantage, with a significant height and reach advantage.

W was no slouch either, and while many point out his “cheerleader” days in HS and at Yale, he was also an athlete and in generally good condition. Again, this one on paper says that H.W. has the height, reach, and toughness advantage, but there is one thing that W had in his favor....




Sweet cocaine.



At his peak physical condition, W also did coke, and as it turns out, he was coked up for the fight, and as we’ve all seen on episodes of Cops!, when you’re coked up you just don’t care and have the strength of 3 men. W overpowers HW, biting off one of his fingers (which he later regretted), and takes Pops out!

COKED UP W WINS!
 

Captain Sasquatch

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8Mmz0.gif
 

gator1946

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ROUND #1 RESULT: GEORGE W BUSH -VS- GEORGE H.W. BUSH

Interesting matchup here. H.W. in his peak was a war hero, demonstrated toughness and resolve, and a good athlete. He also had the tale of the tape advantage, with a significant height and reach advantage.

W was no slouch either, and while many point out his “cheerleader” days in HS and at Yale, he was also an athlete and in generally good condition. Again, this one on paper says that H.W. has the height, reach, and toughness advantage, but there is one thing that W had in his favor....




Sweet cocaine.



At his peak physical condition, W also did coke, and as it turns out, he was coked up for the fight, and as we’ve all seen on episodes of Cops!, when you’re coked up you just don’t care and have the strength of 3 men. W overpowers HW, biting off one of his fingers (which he later regretted), and takes Pops out!

COKED UP W WINS!

Mission accomplished.
 

InstiGATOR1

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ROUND #1 RESULT: GEORGE W BUSH -VS- GEORGE H.W. BUSH

Interesting matchup here. H.W. in his peak was a war hero, demonstrated toughness and resolve, and a good athlete. He also had the tale of the tape advantage, with a significant height and reach advantage.

W was no slouch either, and while many point out his “cheerleader” days in HS and at Yale, he was also an athlete and in generally good condition. Again, this one on paper says that H.W. has the height, reach, and toughness advantage, but there is one thing that W had in his favor....




Sweet cocaine.



At his peak physical condition, W also did coke, and as it turns out, he was coked up for the fight, and as we’ve all seen on episodes of Cops!, when you’re coked up you just don’t care and have the strength of 3 men. W overpowers HW, biting off one of his fingers (which he later regretted), and takes Pops out!

COKED UP W WINS!

So you think a Yale baseball player is tougher than a WWII pilot who also was the head guy of the CIA???
 

BNAG8R

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ROUND #1 RESULT: GARFIELD -VS- McKINLEY

In one of the most hotly debated cards, the combatants, both Civil War veterans, seemed to both have merits.

In McKinley’s corner were those (/Whisper Sas) arguing that Garfield was only a “strategist” in the War and got his notoriety by moving lines around a map, that he was “doughy”, and that his height and reach advantage were nowhere near enough to overcome the battle-hardened McKinley.








Those people (/Whisper Sas) were wrong.

Garfield came from a fighting background, was known to be “good with his fists”, stared death in the face and demonstrated courage under fire in battle, and most importantly, was dating 3 separate women at a time. Garfield pummeled McKinley, who is the only person Teddy Roosevelt called “a whiny little bytch that has the spine of a chocolate eclair”. Truth...look it up.

GARFIELD WINS!
 

BNAG8R

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ROUND #1 RESULT: JACKSON -VS- FDR

:eek3:

Results of this fight are too gruesome to share at this time. Maybe, with some time to recover, I’ll give some details. However...

JACKSON WINS.

EDIT: Here are the details of the fight, for those so inclined. I caution that if you are squeamish or get queezy, you might not read further.

Andrew Jackson has notoriety of being the “bad boy” of the presidents, challenging others to duels and taking a bullet to the chest and surviving, beating people with his hickory cane, being an overall curmudgeon, willing to fight dirty and do whatever it takes to win.

FDR, ever the gentleman, carried himself with dignity, grace...a quiet strength epitomized by someone who never loses his head.

Jackson, ever brooding, stood in his corner waiting for the bell, a wild look in his eye. FDR, sizing up his opponent, looking to use his stamina to outlast his lanky opponent. The bell rings....




...and, reaching into his pants, Jackson pulls out a machete (completely against the rules), and in a flash crosses the ring, and with a violent swing, hits FDR squarely in the neck...

Yep, 5 seconds into the fight, Jackson lops off FDRs head. The crowd goes silent, except for subtle whimpers and crying, as Jackson slowly looks around the perimeter of the ring, blood dripping from his weapon. He then smiles, and begins licking blood off of the machete.

This dude is Futher Mucking bat-shyt crazy. What he does next is unmentionable, but let’s just say that it rhymes with “full skucks” his opponents head, laughing wildly the entire time.

While clearly and totally a violation of the rules of the Presidential beatdown...nobody is willing to say anything to Jackson, and he slowly exits the arena.
 
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BNAG8R

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TAFT -VS- T. ROOSEVELT

Roosevelt is a strong #1 seed, and was a “pick-em” for overall #1 seed with Lincoln. His resume speaks for itself, although he was a sickly young boy suffering from asthma. That said - Rough Rider, lifelong advocate of exercise and the “strenuous life”.

Taft was a fatty even as a child, and was most active as a baseball player who “struggled with obesity” until graduating high school. Entering Yale as a 17 year old, he stopped all athletic activities to focus on his studies, and that’s when he started to balloon.

So, Taft at 16 vs Roosevelt in his mid-20s, Rough Rider, dedicated to exertion and strenuous activity. Almost unfair matchup.

Taft actually lasts longer than expected, showing a determination that would serve him well later in life, but by all appearances Teddy knew he could destroy the kid, but recognizing he was a little fatty, just grappled enough to wear him out, and then pinned him into submission. Ever the gentleman, that Teddy.

ROOSEVELT WINS!
 

Captain Sasquatch

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Heading into what will surely be another epic bout between Kennedy and Nixon, here is the updated bracket!

POTUS_Beatdown_Bracket_Update.jpg
 

Swamp Queen

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ROUND #1 RESULT: JACKSON -VS- FDR

:eek3:

Results of this fight are too gruesome to share at this time. Maybe, with some time to recover, I’ll give some details. However...

JACKSON WINS.

EDIT: Here are the details of the fight, for those so inclined. I caution that if you are squeamish or get queezy, you might not read further.

Andrew Jackson has notoriety of being the “bad boy” of the presidents, challenging others to duels and taking a bullet to the chest and surviving, beating people with his hickory cane, being an overall curmudgeon, willing to fight dirty and do whatever it takes to win.

FDR, ever the gentleman, carried himself with dignity, grace...a quiet strength epitomized by someone who never loses his head.

Jackson, ever brooding, stood in his corner waiting for the bell, a wild look in his eye. FDR, sizing up his opponent, looking to use his stamina to outlast his lanky opponent. The bell rings....




...and, reaching into his pants, Jackson pulls out a machete (completely against the rules), and in a flash crosses the ring, and with a violent swing, hits FDR squarely in the neck...

Yep, 5 seconds into the fight, Jackson lops off FDRs head. The crowd goes silent, except for subtle whimpers and crying, as Jackson slowly looks around the perimeter of the ring, blood dripping from his weapon. He then smiles, and begins licking blood off of the machete.

This dude is Futher Mucking bat-shyt crazy. What he does next is unmentionable, but let’s just say that it rhymes with “full skucks” his opponents head, laughing wildly the entire time.

While clearly and totally a violation of the rules of the Presidential beatdown...nobody is willing to say anything to Jackson, and he slowly exits the arena.
:lmao2::lmao2::lmao2:
 

BNAG8R

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NIXON -VS- KENNEDY

The committee really did a poor job of seeding these two as #4 and #5, because neither have any demonstrable athletic or combat abilities. It’s like a play-in fight all over again.

Kennedy, sickly most of his life, is most known for his heroic efforts to save his PT boat crew in WWII, supposedly swimming and dragging his comrades 3 miles to an island and surviving until rescue. There is some evidence this was all BS.

Nixon, a Quaker (known for non-violence) was most known for “winning debates and leading roles in dramatic productions” in school. Yikes. The only indication of any actual movement is his bowling lane he had installed at the White House.

The fight starts slowly, with both circling the ring for what seems forever, with NIxon lobbing verbal jabs, but neither actually throwing a punch. Round one ends with absolutely no action. WTF.

Finally, in round 2, Nixon finds a way to make contact, and sees that Kennedy is a lover, not a fighter, and together with the verbal abuse, starts to slap JFK. With no response, Nixon takes what little he learned in the bowling alleys of his youth, and puts Kennedy in a head lock, and starts hitting Kennedy with shot after shot to the back of the head (face it, we all knew it was coming).

Kennedy first grabs for his throat, and then Nixon chokes him out. Boring fight.


NIXON WINS!
 

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