- Sep 15, 2014
- 10,281
- 13,997
The season is upon us. Head coach vacancies for college basketball are popping up around the country. So I have written a few cover letters in order to apply. Now, these are works in progress I might add. But, if you could apply for a head coaching job what would it be and how would you sell yourself?
Missouri (didn't get it in before they hired Cuonzo)
I may not have the prerequisite head coaching experience for a college coaching job, but when is experience that important. While I have the utmost respect for Coach Anderson, I can promise 7 wins a season as well. Heck, I can probably get you in the CBI or CIT. Unfortunately the Vegas 16 is no longer a tournament. But if mediocrity is what you want, mediocrity is what I can deliver.
Over the past 4 years my recreation 3 on 3 basketball team has piled up 11 wins. That might not seem great, but consider this. year 1 - 0 wins. year 2 - 1 win. year 3 - 7 wins. year 4 - 3 wins. Year 4 was a hiccup obviously. However, in year 1 the champs of the league beat us 70-16. In year 4 the same championship team only beat us by 15. That's improvement. Also, in year 4 the champs of year 3 only beat us by 5. It was a 1 point ball game with 20 seconds left. They set a screen, I called it, but my teammate went under the screen inside of over and their best 3 point shooter drained a 3.
UC Berkeley
Let's get real. Cal is known for many things, liberal hippies, snooty graduates, fine academics, but not great athletics. We need to return the mens bball team to Jason Kidd era prominence, nevermind they lost to Dick Bennett and UWGB in the tournament. We need to recruit players like Lamond Murray, Tony Gonzalez, Kevin Johnson, Shariff Abdur Rahim, etc. But we need to have some wiggle room with admissions. Heck we need to get these guys back on campus and slipping some bills to recruits. Where's Aaron Rodgers? He's filthy rich.
U of Washington
Remember when Washington basketball was on top. Me neither. Well i guess Lorenzo had them humming in the mid 2000s, but they didnt get far in the tourney. Thats not to say great players have come and gone. Brandon Roy, Nate Robinson, Isaiah Thomas, and my favorite Detlef Schrempf. You should see me rip up NBA Live 1996 with the Sonics and Detlef. He was unstoppable. Now how do we make Husky bball great again? First, get a Starbucks in the locker room. Get those boys on caffeine because they'll need it to run my 6 seconds or less offense. You think Mike D Antoni Suns teams were fast! HA! Now this may seem counter intuitive but my D will be like the Bennett packline system. So fast O and crushing D. Heck years ago people didn't think you could throw a football forward. This will be the greatest bball system ever that no one has seen the like of. Second, where's the tech cash? Amazon, Microsoft? We need that money funneling down. Give recruits some Amazon gift cards and free starbucks. Dont worry Saban doesn't get caught and neither will I.
Missouri (didn't get it in before they hired Cuonzo)
I may not have the prerequisite head coaching experience for a college coaching job, but when is experience that important. While I have the utmost respect for Coach Anderson, I can promise 7 wins a season as well. Heck, I can probably get you in the CBI or CIT. Unfortunately the Vegas 16 is no longer a tournament. But if mediocrity is what you want, mediocrity is what I can deliver.
Over the past 4 years my recreation 3 on 3 basketball team has piled up 11 wins. That might not seem great, but consider this. year 1 - 0 wins. year 2 - 1 win. year 3 - 7 wins. year 4 - 3 wins. Year 4 was a hiccup obviously. However, in year 1 the champs of the league beat us 70-16. In year 4 the same championship team only beat us by 15. That's improvement. Also, in year 4 the champs of year 3 only beat us by 5. It was a 1 point ball game with 20 seconds left. They set a screen, I called it, but my teammate went under the screen inside of over and their best 3 point shooter drained a 3.
UC Berkeley
Let's get real. Cal is known for many things, liberal hippies, snooty graduates, fine academics, but not great athletics. We need to return the mens bball team to Jason Kidd era prominence, nevermind they lost to Dick Bennett and UWGB in the tournament. We need to recruit players like Lamond Murray, Tony Gonzalez, Kevin Johnson, Shariff Abdur Rahim, etc. But we need to have some wiggle room with admissions. Heck we need to get these guys back on campus and slipping some bills to recruits. Where's Aaron Rodgers? He's filthy rich.
U of Washington
Remember when Washington basketball was on top. Me neither. Well i guess Lorenzo had them humming in the mid 2000s, but they didnt get far in the tourney. Thats not to say great players have come and gone. Brandon Roy, Nate Robinson, Isaiah Thomas, and my favorite Detlef Schrempf. You should see me rip up NBA Live 1996 with the Sonics and Detlef. He was unstoppable. Now how do we make Husky bball great again? First, get a Starbucks in the locker room. Get those boys on caffeine because they'll need it to run my 6 seconds or less offense. You think Mike D Antoni Suns teams were fast! HA! Now this may seem counter intuitive but my D will be like the Bennett packline system. So fast O and crushing D. Heck years ago people didn't think you could throw a football forward. This will be the greatest bball system ever that no one has seen the like of. Second, where's the tech cash? Amazon, Microsoft? We need that money funneling down. Give recruits some Amazon gift cards and free starbucks. Dont worry Saban doesn't get caught and neither will I.
