Presidential Beatdown Corona Crush!

If you were forced to have dinner with one of these members, who would you choose?

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78

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Dazed and Confused
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I figured FDR and the Rev. Jackson were on the same page.
 

Captain Sasquatch

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Mr. SQ, the Sashole
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You should really keep up. FDR was decapitated by Jackson. It was all over the news.
Let's pour one out for poor old Franklin.

394Qm3p.gif
 

Captain Sasquatch

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Mr. SQ, the Sashole
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Finally got this May Madness rolling again. Last 4 fights of the 2nd round coming right up in the box!
 

BNAG8R

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I don’t care
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WASHINGTON -VS- CLEVELAND

This is a 1 vs 8 seed matchup, and everything on paper says the panel got these seedings right. Washington, father of the country, leader of a revolution against oppressors, crosser of the Delaware River, ass-kicker of many a limey bastard......vs some fat lawyer.

I think we can all do the math on this one.

All anyone heard was Cleveland cowering, whimpering "not in the face...not in the face!" Washington finished him off with some crushing body blows - and the fight ended less than a minute in.

WASHINGTON WINS!
 

BNAG8R

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TRUMAN -VS- HAYES

4 seed vs 5 seed, and two respectable combatants. Similar tale of the tape, similar backgrounds, both had military stints (although Truman's very bad eyesight from childhood held him back, he still fought in WWI heroically). Hayes didn't gain military experience until he was 40 (which was ancient pre-civil war), and so it's debatable when his "peak physical condition" was - however based on the history, his focus on conditioning preparing for his service leads you to think this is a 40 yr-old Hayes, vs a mid-20s Truman.

Truman comes to the ring without his glasses, clearly not able to see where the hell he's walking, as he bangs into 4 chairs on his way. Hayes waits for him. When the referee brings the fighters together for the rules and asks the combatants to shake hands - Truman grabs the refs hand.

Hayes is confused by his tactics.

Both proven tacticians, Hayes tries to leverage his sight advantage by constantly moving, and is able to land a few shots that Truman clearly couldn't see were coming, but Truman, demonstrating his toughness, is able to take the shots, and move in close and grab Hayes. Truman's strategy is to turn this into a grappling match, where he fights by feel rather than sight. Smart.

Another move Truman learned in the war - profanity. Truman was famous for rallying his troops, who began to panic under fire, with a profanity-laced tirade that surprised them. He used this same tactic, hurling profane insult after insult on Hayes, calling him "stupid f*ck", and "dumb f*ck", often just "you f*ck". Hayes was taken aback...and that is where Truman pounced.

In a classic "ground and pound" move, Truman wrestles Hayes to the ground, pins his arms, and just rains down haymaker after haymaker, until Hayes glazes over, out cold, and the referee stops the fight. As Truman stands, he looks down over Hayes and says...

"The F*ck stops here!"

TRUMAN WINS!
 

Captain Sasquatch

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Mr. SQ, the Sashole
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Well we were able to squeeze out two more fights today, only two remain before the Sweet 16!

POTUS_Beatdown_Bracket_Update.jpg
 

Captain Sasquatch

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We're about to finally clear things up to get to the sweet 16. Let us know your opinions on Johnson/Johnson and Taylor/Clinton in the chat box!
 

BNAG8R

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LB JOHNSON -VS- A JOHNSON

This is a fight between two combatants with different, but countering skill sets. LBJ is by far the larger opponent, but comes from a more docile era. Andrew, born in the early 1800s, lost his father at 3, and had to fight and scrounge his way to survive. Functionally illiterate until taking a wife, AJ had a hardening childhood. LBJ didn’t have it much better, living in a house with no electricity or running water.

The fight starts out slowly, with a few jabs here and there by both combatants. Johnson starts to leverage his advantages though, picking his spots to inflict some body blows that do damage.

In round 2, Johnson comes out in a flurry, surprising Johnson and putting him on his heels. Johnson started throwing haymaker after haymaker, with Johnson desperately trying to sidestep out of the path. And then, just as Johnson was starting to tire, Johnson responds with a flurry of his own - summoning the hatred that had built up from such a difficult childhood. Johnson tries desperately to fight back, but Johnson is just too much, and finally, in the waning moments of Round 2 - Johnson goes down! And as Johnson stand over him, Johnson looks up, knowing he’s defeated....and taps the mat.

JOHNSON WINS!
 

MidwestChomp

Fun was the goal and we hit the bullseye
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Sep 15, 2014
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LB JOHNSON -VS- A JOHNSON

This is a fight between two combatants with different, but countering skill sets. LBJ is by far the larger opponent, but comes from a more docile era. Andrew, born in the early 1800s, lost his father at 3, and had to fight and scrounge his way to survive. Functionally illiterate until taking a wife, AJ had a hardening childhood. LBJ didn’t have it much better, living in a house with no electricity or running water.

The fight starts out slowly, with a few jabs here and there by both combatants. Johnson starts to leverage his advantages though, picking his spots to inflict some body blows that do damage.

In round 2, Johnson comes out in a flurry, surprising Johnson and putting him on his heels. Johnson started throwing haymaker after haymaker, with Johnson desperately trying to sidestep out of the path. And then, just as Johnson was starting to tire, Johnson responds with a flurry of his own - summoning the hatred that had built up from such a difficult childhood. Johnson tries desperately to fight back, but Johnson is just too much, and finally, in the waning moments of Round 2 - Johnson goes down! And as Johnson stand over him, Johnson looks up, knowing he’s defeated....and taps the mat.

JOHNSON WINS!

:facepalm:
 

BNAG8R

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TAYLOR -VS- CLINTON

5’8” Taylor vs 6’2” Clinton looks like a mismatch, until you review the records of these two combatants. Taylor aka “Old Rough and Ready”, vs Clinton aka “It hurts when I pee” is not much of a fight, in reality.

This is a tough one for me to judge, as Taylor is a renowned and famed Indian fighter, but this excerpt is what allowed me to view and judge this impartially:

Although he fought Native Americans in numerous engagements, much of his service was devoted to protecting their lands from invading white settlers. Taylor seemed to understand if not sympathize with the plight of the Native Americans, and he admired their style of guerrilla warfare. He frequently bemoaned the incompetence of the citizen militia units that he commanded in comparison to the superb discipline and unity of his Indian foes. For Taylor, the best solution to the ongoing wars required a strong military presence to stand between white settlers and the Native Americans. He viewed anything less as a poor and ultimately doomed solution.

He got it.

And so did Clinton. The fight was over in seconds, as at the opening bell, Clinton was looking at a buxom, if not “chunky” intern-looking brunette in the front row, with a “ ‘sup “ look and head nod, when Taylor delivers a crushing blow to the temple, dropping Clinton where he stood, not having any idea what hit him.

After Clinton was counted out by the ref....Taylor actually “whips it out”, gives a couple tugs, and deposits his own “stain” on Clinton’s blue shirt. While gross...that was kinda badass.

TAYLOR WINS!
 

Swamp Donkey

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7-14 vs P5 Fire Stricklin First
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LB JOHNSON -VS- A JOHNSON

JOHNSON WINS!

LBJ was a sneaky bastard and fearsome opponent when it came to Senate committees, but Andy Johnson would destroy him. Let's face it, the 1800s dudes were just far more badazz.
 

Captain Sasquatch

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LBJ was a sneaky bastard and fearsome opponent when it came to Senate committees, but Andy Johnson would destroy him. Let's face it, the 1800s dudes were just far more badazz.
Andrew Johnson was a small, frail sort. Lyndon had hands as big as engine blocks, he would have pounded Andrew into the ground like railroad spikes.
 

Swamp Donkey

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Andrew Johnson was a small, frail sort. Lyndon had hands as big as engine blocks, he would have pounded Andrew into the ground like railroad spikes.
Andy would kick the shyt out of that soft bureaucrat.
 

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