- Nov 25, 2016
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It's the offseason and there's a scarcity of real daily college football news to report. To pass the time until the first kickoff of the next season the Fulmer cup was created. Every team has players that skirt the law. We may as well award points.
For those who are not familiar with the Fulmer Cup, it is an annual award given to the college football team with the most offseason arrests. The award is named after Tennessee's Coach Phil Fulmer who is legendary for unleashing his horde of Vols on the city of Knoxville every offseason in the 90's. His teams tirelessly ransacked the town, assaulted all in sight and consumed literally every drug in existence on a daily basis. Phat Phil is now memorialized forever for his lackadaisical attitude towards crime.
The clock starts ticking the moment the national championship game is over and scoring ends at the opening kickoff of the new season. Only documented crimes committed by currently enrolled players in Division One football programs may qualify for an award. It doesn't matter if the charges are later reduced or dropped, points are awarded on the initial arrest. To be awarded points there must be a court record, arrest record, or news article describing the citation, charges, and/or arrest. No arrest, citation, or charges: no points.
Points are awarded as follows:
Points Crime Notes
25 Cannibalism Bonus infraction if NCAA guidelines on portion size are exceeded
20 Murder
15 Attempted Murder Partial credit for incomplete
9 Bestiality Baaaaad...It's a form of rape, really, no matter how much the goat has had to drink.
6-8 Sex Crimes
5 Grand Larceny Theft on a level so outrageous it demands to be called a 'caper'
4 Possession with Intent to Sell Including just having too many drugs on you in the first place
4 Vehicle Theft
3-4 Misdemeanor/Felony Assault
3 DUI/DWI/OWI "Driving through houses drunk" charges may earn extra credit
3 Miscellaneous felony
3 Possession (Non-Weed)
2-4 Domestic Violence
2 Underage Drinking Rules is rules
2 Marijuana Use/Possession The player has to be cited for it, so this gives certain states a built-in exemption
1 Assorted Petty Misdemeanors/Citations
1 Repeat offenders
1 Teamwork
? Miscellaneous Bonus Crimes with flair, pizzazz or obvious pointworthiness
? Other Any other violations considered on an individual basis by the voting committee
Ellis T. Jones III Award
Prior to the summer of 2006, Ellis T. Jones III was a WR/DB of little reknown, enrolled at San Jose State, a school of even less reknown. One stun gun and double-digit felony arrests (and convictions) later, he became a Fulmer Cup god. The Ellis T. Jones III Award is earned by the player who single handedly earns the most points for his university. However, the "Ellis T. Jones III Rule" states that no program that accumulates points based solely on the misdeeds of a single player is eligible for the Fulmer Cup.
Jones was charged with 13 felony counts including five counts of robbery, four counts of assault for using a Taser gun on some of his victims and one count of kidnapping to commit robbery for allegedly locking one victim in the trunk of a car. He faces up life in prison with the possibility of parole, according to Leonard James, a deputy district attorney with Santa Clara County.
Five counts robbery: 3 x 5=15 points
Four counts of assault with taser: 3 x 4 points=12 points
One count kidnapping: 4 points
For a one man grand total of 31 points in just four days of furious nefariousness.
Switzer Slam
The "Switzer Slam" is awarded to any program that wins the Fulmer Cup, national championship and has a Heisman trophy winner all in the same year. Auburn is the only team to have ever achieved the Switzer Slam, doing so in 2011.
The Coach Mike Haywood "Leading by Example" Award
Named in honor of Pitt head coach Mike Hayward who was arrested for felony domestic violence in front of a minor a mere 15 days after being hired. Given to the coach or administrator who earns the most points and/or gets fired in the most embarrassing fashion. This award does not have to be awarded annually and is completely up to the Committee.
The Paul Dee Memorial Award for High Profile Compliance
Paul Dee became infamous for being the Committee on Infractions chairman for USC's much-publicized case in the summer of 2010 involving former stars Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo. It was Dee who, in announcing some of the stiffest penalties of the last 20 years closed with the reminder that "high-profile athletes demand high-profile compliance." It was later found that under his tenure as athletic director, Miami had also been the center of major improper benefits. Awarded to the conference that, through the fortuitousness of group effort, has the highest point total. "High-profile athletes demand high-profile compliance."
Harvey Updyke Fan Award
Currently unofficial, but an award to track fans who commit crimes in the name of their team.
Past Winners
2016 Colorado
2015 Rutgers
2014 Cal Poly
2013 Vanderbilt (Never officially awarded. Can be considered vacated.)
2012 Arkansas
2011 Auburn
2010 Georgia
2009 South Florida
2008 Alabama
2007 Illinois
2006 Marshall
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheFulmerCup/wiki/index
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2006/08/01/sjsu-may-have-taken-fulmer-cup-lead
http://edsbs.wikia.com/wiki/Fulmer_Cup
Edit: If any mods can fix the spacing in the points section...please do
For those who are not familiar with the Fulmer Cup, it is an annual award given to the college football team with the most offseason arrests. The award is named after Tennessee's Coach Phil Fulmer who is legendary for unleashing his horde of Vols on the city of Knoxville every offseason in the 90's. His teams tirelessly ransacked the town, assaulted all in sight and consumed literally every drug in existence on a daily basis. Phat Phil is now memorialized forever for his lackadaisical attitude towards crime.
The clock starts ticking the moment the national championship game is over and scoring ends at the opening kickoff of the new season. Only documented crimes committed by currently enrolled players in Division One football programs may qualify for an award. It doesn't matter if the charges are later reduced or dropped, points are awarded on the initial arrest. To be awarded points there must be a court record, arrest record, or news article describing the citation, charges, and/or arrest. No arrest, citation, or charges: no points.
Points are awarded as follows:
Points Crime Notes
25 Cannibalism Bonus infraction if NCAA guidelines on portion size are exceeded
20 Murder
15 Attempted Murder Partial credit for incomplete
9 Bestiality Baaaaad...It's a form of rape, really, no matter how much the goat has had to drink.
6-8 Sex Crimes
5 Grand Larceny Theft on a level so outrageous it demands to be called a 'caper'
4 Possession with Intent to Sell Including just having too many drugs on you in the first place
4 Vehicle Theft
3-4 Misdemeanor/Felony Assault
3 DUI/DWI/OWI "Driving through houses drunk" charges may earn extra credit
3 Miscellaneous felony
3 Possession (Non-Weed)
2-4 Domestic Violence
2 Underage Drinking Rules is rules
2 Marijuana Use/Possession The player has to be cited for it, so this gives certain states a built-in exemption
1 Assorted Petty Misdemeanors/Citations
1 Repeat offenders
1 Teamwork
? Miscellaneous Bonus Crimes with flair, pizzazz or obvious pointworthiness
? Other Any other violations considered on an individual basis by the voting committee
Ellis T. Jones III Award
Prior to the summer of 2006, Ellis T. Jones III was a WR/DB of little reknown, enrolled at San Jose State, a school of even less reknown. One stun gun and double-digit felony arrests (and convictions) later, he became a Fulmer Cup god. The Ellis T. Jones III Award is earned by the player who single handedly earns the most points for his university. However, the "Ellis T. Jones III Rule" states that no program that accumulates points based solely on the misdeeds of a single player is eligible for the Fulmer Cup.
Jones was charged with 13 felony counts including five counts of robbery, four counts of assault for using a Taser gun on some of his victims and one count of kidnapping to commit robbery for allegedly locking one victim in the trunk of a car. He faces up life in prison with the possibility of parole, according to Leonard James, a deputy district attorney with Santa Clara County.
Five counts robbery: 3 x 5=15 points
Four counts of assault with taser: 3 x 4 points=12 points
One count kidnapping: 4 points
For a one man grand total of 31 points in just four days of furious nefariousness.
Switzer Slam
The "Switzer Slam" is awarded to any program that wins the Fulmer Cup, national championship and has a Heisman trophy winner all in the same year. Auburn is the only team to have ever achieved the Switzer Slam, doing so in 2011.
The Coach Mike Haywood "Leading by Example" Award
Named in honor of Pitt head coach Mike Hayward who was arrested for felony domestic violence in front of a minor a mere 15 days after being hired. Given to the coach or administrator who earns the most points and/or gets fired in the most embarrassing fashion. This award does not have to be awarded annually and is completely up to the Committee.
The Paul Dee Memorial Award for High Profile Compliance
Paul Dee became infamous for being the Committee on Infractions chairman for USC's much-publicized case in the summer of 2010 involving former stars Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo. It was Dee who, in announcing some of the stiffest penalties of the last 20 years closed with the reminder that "high-profile athletes demand high-profile compliance." It was later found that under his tenure as athletic director, Miami had also been the center of major improper benefits. Awarded to the conference that, through the fortuitousness of group effort, has the highest point total. "High-profile athletes demand high-profile compliance."
Harvey Updyke Fan Award
Currently unofficial, but an award to track fans who commit crimes in the name of their team.
Past Winners
2016 Colorado
2015 Rutgers
2014 Cal Poly
2013 Vanderbilt (Never officially awarded. Can be considered vacated.)
2012 Arkansas
2011 Auburn
2010 Georgia
2009 South Florida
2008 Alabama
2007 Illinois
2006 Marshall
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheFulmerCup/wiki/index
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2006/08/01/sjsu-may-have-taken-fulmer-cup-lead
http://edsbs.wikia.com/wiki/Fulmer_Cup
Edit: If any mods can fix the spacing in the points section...please do
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