World's best gummi bears for sale on Amazon

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Zambo, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. Zambo

    Zambo Poo Flinger
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    https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Can...show_all_top?ie=UTF8&reviewerType=all_reviews

    Mother-in-law is diabetic and has a colostomy bag. We're always careful to get her sugar-free candy when her sweet tooth starts acting up. Up until now, we've had great luck......up until now. We got her this bag of gummy bears for her to snack on. She tried a few and really liked them. Unfortunately, I hadn't read the reviews on this product, so didn't think she needed to pace herself. Boy, were we wrong! It only took a couple of hours, and she started screaming bloody murder. We walked in, only to see her colostomy bag completely full. So full, in fact, that you could thump it and it sounded like a melon. We tried to pinch off the tube so that we could quickly change the bag. The contents of her stomach were so watery that no amount of "pinch" would stop it. We quickly helped her into the bathroom, hoping we could disconnect the tube, and aim straight for the toilet. When we did, it was like a freakin', brown geyser from Hell!! Covered in watery fecal matter, we capped it off as fast as we could, only to have the bag immediately fill back up. We didn't know what else to do, so we put her in the shower. My wife tried to help her out of her clothes, but the bag kept expanding. We heard this stretching, gutteral sound of the bag expanding, when we closed the shower door, and yelled, "YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, MA!!", then proceeded to slam the bathroom door shut, and ran. Over her screaming, we finally heard an explosion. What can only be described as a "fecal Hiroshima" was all we saw when we opened the door. Ma-in-law had collapsed and passed out in the shower floor, covered in her own watery excrement. It was all over the shower walls and ceiling, and had easily ricocheted off the ceiling into the bathroom area. We called 911 for assistance. When they arrived and assessed the situation, it was like a scene out of "Outbreak". They hung a massive plastic sheet that covered the entire exterior of the house. People in hazmat suits were coming in and out. I even saw some of them vomiting. One of the tougher guys came out and told us that he'd never seen anything like it, even during 3 tours in 'Nam. He then cried like a baby.

    I'm just glad we tried these on the mother-in-law before anyone else got hurt. While she was in the hospital recovering, I took her some flowers and a card that read, "Get well soon!" And then added, "And thanks for taking one for the team!" She hasn't spoken to me since.
     
  2. NVGator

    NVGator Member
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  3. CaseyGator

    CaseyGator Ox’s Favorite Poster

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    You might be the devil - but I kinda like it. Carry on.
     
  4. GR8 2B

    GR8 2B A Florida Gator
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    It has all the elements needed for a great Christmas story - family together for the holidays, including his mother in law, comedic drama, and the mother of all one-liners: "fecal Hiroshima". I can see the fireplace now, with Mom's and Dad's stockings, the kids' stockings, and ma-in-law's colostomy bag, appropriately decorated with her name spelled out in red and green glitter, all hung with care . . .
     
  5. crosscreekcooter

    crosscreekcooter Cunning Linguist

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    This story stinks. :kiffin:
     
  6. T REX

    T REX Well-Known Member
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  7. Bernardo de la Paz

    Bernardo de la Paz No Talent Ass Clown
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    Funniest :kiffin: I've read in a long time
     

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