World's best gummi bears for sale on Amazon

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Zambo, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. Zambo

    Zambo Poo Flinger
    Lifetime Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Messages:
    5,740
    Oxbucks:
    $1,930
    Ratings:
    +9,041 / -35
    https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Can...show_all_top?ie=UTF8&reviewerType=all_reviews

    Mother-in-law is diabetic and has a colostomy bag. We're always careful to get her sugar-free candy when her sweet tooth starts acting up. Up until now, we've had great luck......up until now. We got her this bag of gummy bears for her to snack on. She tried a few and really liked them. Unfortunately, I hadn't read the reviews on this product, so didn't think she needed to pace herself. Boy, were we wrong! It only took a couple of hours, and she started screaming bloody murder. We walked in, only to see her colostomy bag completely full. So full, in fact, that you could thump it and it sounded like a melon. We tried to pinch off the tube so that we could quickly change the bag. The contents of her stomach were so watery that no amount of "pinch" would stop it. We quickly helped her into the bathroom, hoping we could disconnect the tube, and aim straight for the toilet. When we did, it was like a freakin', brown geyser from Hell!! Covered in watery fecal matter, we capped it off as fast as we could, only to have the bag immediately fill back up. We didn't know what else to do, so we put her in the shower. My wife tried to help her out of her clothes, but the bag kept expanding. We heard this stretching, gutteral sound of the bag expanding, when we closed the shower door, and yelled, "YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, MA!!", then proceeded to slam the bathroom door shut, and ran. Over her screaming, we finally heard an explosion. What can only be described as a "fecal Hiroshima" was all we saw when we opened the door. Ma-in-law had collapsed and passed out in the shower floor, covered in her own watery excrement. It was all over the shower walls and ceiling, and had easily ricocheted off the ceiling into the bathroom area. We called 911 for assistance. When they arrived and assessed the situation, it was like a scene out of "Outbreak". They hung a massive plastic sheet that covered the entire exterior of the house. People in hazmat suits were coming in and out. I even saw some of them vomiting. One of the tougher guys came out and told us that he'd never seen anything like it, even during 3 tours in 'Nam. He then cried like a baby.

    I'm just glad we tried these on the mother-in-law before anyone else got hurt. While she was in the hospital recovering, I took her some flowers and a card that read, "Get well soon!" And then added, "And thanks for taking one for the team!" She hasn't spoken to me since.
     
    • NVGator

      NVGator Member
      Lifetime Member

      Joined:
      Jun 11, 2014
      Messages:
      7,229
      Oxbucks:
      $1,408
      Ratings:
      +5,237 / -116
    • CaseyGator

      CaseyGator Ox’s Favorite Poster
      Lifetime Member

      Joined:
      Sep 13, 2016
      Messages:
      372
      Oxbucks:
      $1,580
      Ratings:
      +536 / -2
      You might be the devil - but I kinda like it. Carry on.
       
    • GR8 2B

      GR8 2B A Florida Gator
      Lifetime Member

      Joined:
      Jun 12, 2016
      Messages:
      1,730
      Oxbucks:
      $831
      Ratings:
      +1,687 / -30
      It has all the elements needed for a great Christmas story - family together for the holidays, including his mother in law, comedic drama, and the mother of all one-liners: "fecal Hiroshima". I can see the fireplace now, with Mom's and Dad's stockings, the kids' stockings, and ma-in-law's colostomy bag, appropriately decorated with her name spelled out in red and green glitter, all hung with care . . .
       
      • crosscreekcooter

        crosscreekcooter Cunning Linguist

        Joined:
        Jun 11, 2014
        Messages:
        7,323
        Oxbucks:
        $1,600
        Ratings:
        +5,703 / -6
        This story stinks. :kiffin:
         
      • T REX

        T REX Well-Known Member
        Lifetime Member

        Joined:
        Jun 24, 2014
        Messages:
        8,758
        Oxbucks:
        $1,245
        Ratings:
        +5,622 / -363
      • Bernardo de la Paz

        Bernardo de la Paz No Talent Ass Clown
        Lifetime Member

        Joined:
        Jun 12, 2014
        Messages:
        2,357
        Oxbucks:
        $289
        Ratings:
        +2,341 / -8
        Funniest :kiffin: I've read in a long time
         

      Share This Page

      The Box

      Help

      You don't have the necessary permissions to use the chat.

      1. There are currently no users chatting.
        • About Us

          Our community sprung up when the Gatorsports message board was shut down in the summer of 2014. We pride ourselves on offering Gator-biased, yet critical discussion among people of all different backgrounds. We are working every day to make sure our community is the best Gator message board you will find.
        • Like us on Facebook

        • Buy us a Zima!

          The management works very hard to make sure the community is running the best software, best designs, and all the other bells and whistles. Care to buy us a non-alcoholic Zima? We'd really appreciate it! Just click the "Donate" tab at the top of the page.