- Sep 13, 2016
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Stupidest person you ever met
- Thread starter CaseyGator
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- Jun 12, 2014
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As much as I'm sure you would love it, I'll have to decline your offer... I'm a married man.
- Sep 13, 2016
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- Jun 11, 2014
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- Jun 10, 2014
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- Jun 22, 2014
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I was driving my girlfriend and her roommate back to Tallahassee about two weeks after the 1984 Presidential election. Somewhere north of Gainesville on I-75 my girlfriend asked "so...who won the election?".
I looked over and said "Reagan did... Ronald Reagan".
From the backseat the voice of youth cried out: "Did George Bush win too?"
- Jun 22, 2014
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- Sep 13, 2016
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- Jun 12, 2014
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I have a neighbor next door from Sudan. He's incredibly book smart and intelligent, but struggles with basic things as simple as raking leaves and other household chores. He is semi-retired now after making a fine living as a lawyer. Anyway since he struggled with basic things such as cutting the grass I would mow his lawn a couple times a month. After a few times I began to show him how to do so, and how to use an edger as well. It was almost like teaching an 8 year old how to cut the grass. So one day while i'm out getting the mail he waves and calls me over down his driveway . He had just purchased a new mower online, and asked if I could help him put it together. No problem Samir ,happy to help.
It's already out of the box, so I get the pull cord set up in it's holder. At that point it's time to add the oil and gas, and give it a whirl. To my surprise Samir tells me had already done so. Great. I give it a yank, nothing. Again and again I give it a yank, yet the mower doesn't start. Hmm that's odd I've never seen this before. I open up the gas tank to find the stupid bastard put oil in it, and had the gas where the oil goes. Laughing hysterically I tell Samir this is a problem, and drain both the oil and gas from the mower. We tried to get it going again, but to no avail. He had to return it to the seller , and get a new one.
It's already out of the box, so I get the pull cord set up in it's holder. At that point it's time to add the oil and gas, and give it a whirl. To my surprise Samir tells me had already done so. Great. I give it a yank, nothing. Again and again I give it a yank, yet the mower doesn't start. Hmm that's odd I've never seen this before. I open up the gas tank to find the stupid bastard put oil in it, and had the gas where the oil goes. Laughing hysterically I tell Samir this is a problem, and drain both the oil and gas from the mower. We tried to get it going again, but to no avail. He had to return it to the seller , and get a new one.
- Oct 26, 2017
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- Jun 12, 2014
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Two stories...
First was when I was teaching middle school PE. I had all the males and they changed clothes in the football locker room. This one sixth grader got dressed first and was looking at some of the odds and ends in the football players' lockers. He happened to spy a plastic cup (that fit in an athletic supporter) and quizzically picked it up to see what it was. After a couple of seconds of looking it over (and he clearly had no idea what it was), he put it over his nose and mouth, like an oxygen mask! Unfortunately for him, the other kids saw it and went wild. He caught the devil for the rest of the semester. I had to work hard to keep a straight face as I explained to him what it was exactly!
Second was at an American Legion baseball game when I was in HS. One of the players, who just happened to go to UF on a football scholarship, was running late and drove up to the field just as he was to come up to bat in the top of the first inning. He rushed out of his car, finishing dressing as he ran toward the dugout and then home plate. As he was taking his stance, somebody in the crowd yelled "Hey, your lights are on!" The guy calls "time" and runs up to his car (a green Ford Maverick as I recall). When he gets to the car, he realizes that he's locked his keys in the car. After cussing for a minute or so, he looks over and sees that the passenger door is unlocked, so he runs around to that side, opens the door, reaches in and unlocks the driver side door, shuts the passenger door, runs around to the driver side, opens it and cuts the lights off and retrieves his keys. Hilarious, but nobody laughed because the guy was strong as an ox and would beat the hell out of you.
First was when I was teaching middle school PE. I had all the males and they changed clothes in the football locker room. This one sixth grader got dressed first and was looking at some of the odds and ends in the football players' lockers. He happened to spy a plastic cup (that fit in an athletic supporter) and quizzically picked it up to see what it was. After a couple of seconds of looking it over (and he clearly had no idea what it was), he put it over his nose and mouth, like an oxygen mask! Unfortunately for him, the other kids saw it and went wild. He caught the devil for the rest of the semester. I had to work hard to keep a straight face as I explained to him what it was exactly!
Second was at an American Legion baseball game when I was in HS. One of the players, who just happened to go to UF on a football scholarship, was running late and drove up to the field just as he was to come up to bat in the top of the first inning. He rushed out of his car, finishing dressing as he ran toward the dugout and then home plate. As he was taking his stance, somebody in the crowd yelled "Hey, your lights are on!" The guy calls "time" and runs up to his car (a green Ford Maverick as I recall). When he gets to the car, he realizes that he's locked his keys in the car. After cussing for a minute or so, he looks over and sees that the passenger door is unlocked, so he runs around to that side, opens the door, reaches in and unlocks the driver side door, shuts the passenger door, runs around to the driver side, opens it and cuts the lights off and retrieves his keys. Hilarious, but nobody laughed because the guy was strong as an ox and would beat the hell out of you.
- Jun 9, 2014
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Smart enough to make A LOT of money doing almost nothing.
- Jun 12, 2014
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On sprink break in the Keys one year, we were all on a dock watching the sunset. This redhead tri-delt says "Isn't it amazing that everybody on the planet is watching this beautiful sunset?"
We tried to explain to her that everybody on the planet wasn't watching the sunset because the earth is spinning and you only get to see the sunset when your particular part of the planet rotates away from the sun. At this point she became flustered and said, "Well if the earth is spinning, then why does the sun go up and down instead of simply around the horizon in a circle?
We laughed. She was hot.
We tried to explain to her that everybody on the planet wasn't watching the sunset because the earth is spinning and you only get to see the sunset when your particular part of the planet rotates away from the sun. At this point she became flustered and said, "Well if the earth is spinning, then why does the sun go up and down instead of simply around the horizon in a circle?
We laughed. She was hot.
- Nov 16, 2017
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This one is too easy. My high school girlfriend. She was a blonde, a cheerleader and a bit..*ahem* top heavy. Don't judge me I was 16.
Here's a few examples:
I was telling her about an AP class that was giving me fits. She says "well, you have to take it with a grand assault." She couldn't understand why I started laughing.
When she was a junior she asked me if her friend could have gotten pregnant by swallowing. I swear to you that is the truth.
I once convinced her that if she jumped when a full moon was directly overhead she would float for a second.
She called me to tell me her tire had gone flat overnight and her parents weren't home. I told her I was coming by and to get the jack and spare out of the trunk. She looked in the trunk and didn't see it. I told her it was under the lining of the trunk and she just had to lift it up. I didn't have a cell at the time as it was the mid-90s. When I got to her house I found her on the ground under the bumper of her car trying to push up on the gas tank.
I was trying to help her with her American history homework. One of the things the teacher in that class was fond of doing was giving you a blank map and items to fill in. This map was of the Korean Peninsula. Two of the items were North and South Korea. There was a compass rose on the side of the map, but the map was turned away from her. I was quizzing her and asked her to point to North Korea. She pointed at South Korea that was farthest from her. I showed her the compass and spun the map around. I asked again, she point to North Korea. Still being skeptical that she had this down, I spun the map around. I asked where is North Korea - damn if she didn't point to South Korea, again. This went on with me trying to explain for 15 minutes that just because you change the way the map is facing the directions don't change. I gave up.
She sure was pretty though.
- Sep 23, 2017
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Ding Ding Ding... we have a winner!! Thanks for sharing. I wonder how the years have treated this blessed soul. Please update.
- Nov 16, 2017
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See did okay for herself. I ran into her and her husband several years ago. He's a mechanic and she works at a dentist's office - thankfully not as the dentist or anyone doing anything to patients.
- Jan 6, 2015
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My wife's friends share stories of her growing up in her teens and asking questions like:
When we have daylight savings time, how does the sun know when to come up?
How to they get all the chocolate chips to the bottom when they make the cookies?
When we have daylight savings time, how does the sun know when to come up?
How to they get all the chocolate chips to the bottom when they make the cookies?
- Jun 12, 2014
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I have seven sister in laws (which might put me on the list)... the youngest I call Helmet.
When my wife and I were dating, we were at my house and after we did some Netflix and chilling... she got a panicked call from Helmet. She had to turn in her homework for High School class but couldn't log in on her laptop. Being in IT I was handed the phone and I start doing the basic router maintenance question (reboot). No matter what she didn't it would work, so I ask, is it plugged in. Of course it was. So finally, I just say, we will drive there and I'll take a look. Worst case scenario i'll bring my laptop and let her finish on it. So I get there find the router, ask if he has ever worked. Of course not. The plug was plugged into the wall, but not the router. Which was sitting on the floor next to the electric outlet. I said "have you ever plugged this into the router", her response was "Why would I do that?". So I plugged in the electric cord into the back of the modem, and surprise the lights came on. Then I asked where is the hardline... another blank stare... less than a foot away I see it and plug it in. "That needs to go in their too?"... yes.... this is one of many stories of my youngest sister in law.
She also had a plan to blackmail Jay Z and Beyoncé to get her boyfriend a record deal as a white rapper called Robot Joker.
When my wife and I were dating, we were at my house and after we did some Netflix and chilling... she got a panicked call from Helmet. She had to turn in her homework for High School class but couldn't log in on her laptop. Being in IT I was handed the phone and I start doing the basic router maintenance question (reboot). No matter what she didn't it would work, so I ask, is it plugged in. Of course it was. So finally, I just say, we will drive there and I'll take a look. Worst case scenario i'll bring my laptop and let her finish on it. So I get there find the router, ask if he has ever worked. Of course not. The plug was plugged into the wall, but not the router. Which was sitting on the floor next to the electric outlet. I said "have you ever plugged this into the router", her response was "Why would I do that?". So I plugged in the electric cord into the back of the modem, and surprise the lights came on. Then I asked where is the hardline... another blank stare... less than a foot away I see it and plug it in. "That needs to go in their too?"... yes.... this is one of many stories of my youngest sister in law.
She also had a plan to blackmail Jay Z and Beyoncé to get her boyfriend a record deal as a white rapper called Robot Joker.
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