Jokes

Nalt · Nov 10, 2020

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves you can remember
this...

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady,
was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his
gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't." she replied.

"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a
big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into
boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile........

"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the
procedure, she burst out laughing.........

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working.

AuggieDosta · Nov 12, 2020

A black kid works for me and he is constantly using his phone to look up words he doesn't understand. He'll even do it in the middle of a conversation. I've gotten used to it and it does ensure we communicate well so I don't poke fun at him for doing it.

Well, the other day I had to take my Dad to a Doctor's appointment and came into work later than expected. Oddly, this kid actually asked me why I was late and admittedly slightly perturbed I told him that I had to take my Dad to a Phlebotomist.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, turned slightly away from me, and asked, "Siri, what is a dad?"

Gator By Marriage · Nov 12, 2020

AuggieDosta said:
A black kid works for me and he is constantly using his phone to look up words he doesn't understand. He'll even do it in the middle of a conversation. I've gotten used to it and it does ensure we communicate well so I don't poke fun at him for doing it.

Well, the other day I had to take my Dad to a Doctor's appointment and came into work later than expected. Oddly, this kid actually asked me why I was late and admittedly slightly perturbed I told him that I had to take my Dad to a Phlebotomist.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, turned slightly away from me, and asked, "Siri, what is a dad?"

I’ll say it if no one else will; that one’s more than a little bit off-sides.

AuggieDosta · Nov 13, 2020

Well, I heard it from a black comedian and the whole crowd was rolling.
Ch TikTok @suitejonez f - Have any of y'all been having a conversation with SOmebody ' - iFunny :)

Don't hate the messenger, hate the message.
Why do you think something that is accurate is off sides to discuss?

Nalt · Nov 13, 2020

AuggieDosta said:
Well, I heard it from a black comedian and the whole crowd was rolling.
Ch TikTok @suitejonez f - Have any of y'all been having a conversation with SOmebody ' - iFunny :)

Don't hate the messenger, hate the message.
Why do you think something that is accurate is off sides to discuss?

Telling, or retelling racist jokes doesn't make them not racist. And just because one hears a racist joke from a person of that particular race still doesn't make it not a racist joke.

AuggieDosta · Nov 13, 2020

Nalt said:
Telling, or retelling racist jokes doesn't make them not racist. And just because one hears a racist joke from a person of that particular race still doesn't make it not a racist joke.

Being fatherless isn't racist. It occurs across all ethnicities to include mine. So excuse me for believing this is an important issue. I'm not joking about it either, I'm passing along a joke from a professional comedian. Discuss your fear of it being racist to the pro. If you believe it to be racist then I won't attempt to change your narrative. I did not intend it to be racist. But it is sad. People deal with tragedy in many ways. You got yours, I got mine.

Nalt · Nov 13, 2020

AuggieDosta said:
A black kid works for me and he is constantly using his phone to look up words he doesn't understand. He'll even do it in the middle of a conversation. I've gotten used to it and it does ensure we communicate well so I don't poke fun at him for doing it.

Well, the other day I had to take my Dad to a Doctor's appointment and came into work later than expected. Oddly, this kid actually asked me why I was late and admittedly slightly perturbed I told him that I had to take my Dad to a Phlebotomist.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, turned slightly away from me, and asked, "Siri, what is a dad?"

AuggieDosta said:
Being fatherless isn't racist. It occurs across all ethnicities to include mine. So excuse me for believing this is an important issue. I'm not joking about it either, I'm passing along a joke from a professional comedian. Discuss your fear of it being racist to the pro. If you believe it to be racist then I won't attempt to change your narrative. I did not intend it to be racist. But it is sad. People deal with tragedy in many ways. You got yours, I got mine.

If it wasn't racist, why identify the color of the kid? Also, one's intent DOES NOT change the reality of what the joke is.

AuggieDosta · Nov 13, 2020

Nalt said:
If it wasn't racist, why identify the color of the kid? Also, one's intent DOES NOT change the reality of what the joke is.

You're just looking for something that isn't there. Give it a break because you're starting to sound like all the Left/Liberal media turning everything into a race issue. You want to talk substance, start discussing the rate of father absenteeism in the black community and let's highlight all the ills that that one issue alone is responsible for. This ad hoc "race" baiting is old.

AuggieDosta · Nov 13, 2020

Nalt, don't act like black fathers aren't more absent than others. It's fixable but only through accepting the facts and working through the issues. Not through acting outraged for some feau-racism (sp).

From a simple Google search...
In 2014-18, the share of families headed by single parents was 75% among African American families, 58% among Hispanic families, 37% among white families and 21% among Asian families.

The entire point of the joke is that the kid is black. It doesn't work with any other race inserted into the joke because the FACTS are that black fathers are absent from their children in a much higher percentage than any other race.

Nalt · Nov 13, 2020

AuggieDosta said:
Nalt, don't act like black fathers aren't more absent than others. It's fixable but only through accepting the facts and working through the issues. Not through acting outraged for some feau-racism (sp).

From a simple Google search...
In 2014-18, the share of families headed by single parents was 75% among African American families, 58% among Hispanic families, 37% among white families and 21% among Asian families.

The entire point of the joke is that the kid is black. It doesn't work with any other race inserted into the joke because the FACTS are that black fathers are absent from their children in a much higher percentage than any other race.

Trust me, I am the LAST person that would normally pull the race card. But any "joke" that needs to identify the color of an individual is racist. The statistics don't matter in the context of a joke as jokes aren't meant to try and make a difference in the family dynamic. And while I agree that children of any/all colors should grow up with both a father and a mother, that just isn't reality. It also isn't fodder for making jokes. Two of my three boys are biracial, black and white. The other one is white. Two of my five daughters are hispanic/white while the other three are white. My wife and I are both white and adopted all eight of those kids. While there was a time in my very distant past that I did harbor racist views I no longer see the color of a child. I wish everyone would follow that but in reality, most won't. As I said in an earlier post, if you have to identify the color of someone in a joke then it is better off not being told because, like it or not, that makes it a racist joke. FWIW, here is a pic of my youngest two sons with a couple of my daughters taken in July last year. Abel is now 16, wearing tie-dye, and James (now 12) is wearing the Jaws shirt. Beautiful kids, no?

AuggieDosta · Nov 13, 2020

All beautiful kids! And you and your wife should be commended.

However, putting the color of a person into a story or joke does NOT make it racist.
---------------------
Racist (noun) from Dictionary.com
a person who believes in racism, the doctrine that one's own racial group is superior or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others.
---------------------
Now, there are many definitions of "racism" or "racist" but, again, the simple act of putting the color of a person/object into a story/joke does not make it racist.

Bait'n Gator · Nov 13, 2020

Worse things are said daily in the chat box. It's a joke, lighten the fuch up. :facepalm:

Nalt · Nov 13, 2020

AuggieDosta said:
All beautiful kids! And you and your wife should be commended.

However, putting the color of a person into a story or joke does NOT make it racist.
---------------------
Racist (noun) from Dictionary.com
a person who believes in racism, the doctrine that one's own racial group is superior or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others.
---------------------
Now, there are many definitions of "racism" or "racist" but, again, the simple act of putting the color of a person/object into a story/joke does not make it racist.

Aight, try telling that same joke without identifying the color of the kid. How do you really think it would go over? IMO, it would bomb. Then go into the neighborhood in your town that is predominantly black and tell it as you did in this thread. If you survive, let me know how it goes over. I think at this point we will have to just agree to disagree.

AuggieDosta · Nov 13, 2020

A kid works for me and he is constantly using his phone to look up words he doesn't understand. He'll even do it in the middle of a conversation. I've gotten used to it and it does ensure we communicate well so I don't poke fun at him for doing it.

Well, the other day I had to take my Dad to a Doctor's appointment and came into work later than expected. Oddly, this kid actually asked me why I was late and admittedly slightly perturbed I told him that I had to take my Dad to a Phlebotomist.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, turned slightly away from me, and asked, "Siri, what is a dad?"

Alumni Guy · Nov 16, 2020

Is this the joke thread, because Auggie and Nalt’s joke competition is awful.

Neither has told a funny joke in quite some time. (the phlebotomy one was kind of funny.)

Nalt · Nov 17, 2020

Bill Clinton Jogging

Bill Clinton started jogging near his home in Chappaqua, New York. But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog! As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the former Secretary of State. As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker! Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled... "See what you get for five bucks!?"

BNAG8R · Nov 17, 2020

The Minnesota Fish and Game Comission wanted to develop a fish that would offer more for their sportsmen so they cross-bred a Coho Salmon with a Walleye and called it a "Cowal". This fish was a great size and reproduced well, but it wouldn't strike a bait easily.

As a result, the Fish & Game scientists decided that to increase the "fight", they would cross-breed this new "Cowal" with the renowned fighting fish, the Musky. The new breed created was the "Cowalsky"...

...and so now they need to teach the dumb son-of-a-bytch how to swim!

AuggieDosta · Nov 17, 2020

BNAG8R said:
The Minnesota Fish and Game Comission wanted to develop a fish that would offer more for their sportsmen so they cross-bread a Coho Salmon with a Walleye and called it a "Cowal". This fish was a great size and reproduced well, but it wouldn't strike a bait easily.

As a result, the Fish & Game scientists decided that to increase the "fight", they would cross-breed this new "Cowal" with the renowned fighting fish, the Musky. The new breed created was the "Cowalsky"...

...and so now they need to teach the dumb son-of-a-bytch how to swim!

ahem, haven't you heard, jokes with color are not funny.

TLB · Nov 17, 2020

Minnesotan is a color?

Gator By Marriage · Nov 17, 2020

BNAG8R said:
The Minnesota Fish and Game Comission wanted to develop a fish that would offer more for their sportsmen so they cross-bread a Coho Salmon with a Walleye and called it a "Cowal". This fish was a great size and reproduced well, but it wouldn't strike a bait easily.

As a result, the Fish & Game scientists decided that to increase the "fight", they would cross-breed this new "Cowal" with the renowned fighting fish, the Musky. The new breed created was the "Cowalsky"...

...and so now they need to teach the dumb son-of-a-bytch how to swim!

My dad had a friend named Kowalski who loved to tell this joke.

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