Update: Cooter Loves Geoducks, NTTIAWWT

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DocZaius

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tenor.gif
 

Detroitgator

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First, Cover2 makes it all about himself and a miserably failed threesome opportunity, now err'body be postin' dik pics!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?!















Nevermind, Cooter would love it! ;)
 

AlexDaGator

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First off, Praise the Lord the old boy is rebounding and it is good to have a positive update. Now, to Brad’s point, I was laid up in the hospital for about three weeks a few years back when my large intestine ruptured. I was bedridden for quite a spell. After about a week and a half of laying in the bed, this really cute little nurse came in and asked if I was ready for a bath. “Heck yeah” I responded, foolishly thinking they were going to finally get me up with my abdomen sewn up from my belly button to my solar plexus. But all I could think of was how good it was going to be to feel clean again.

To my surprise, the cute little nurse explained that she would wash me in the bed. “All over?” She smiled and nodded the affirmative. Holy crap! I was about to assume the lead in a remake of Naughty Nurses! Or so I thought. It suddenly dawned on me that my wife, who had spent every day and night with me in the hospital, wasn’t going to step outside or run down to the cafeteria. She would be in there…monitoring! It didn’t matter that I was catheterized. Any outward show of pleasure would be disastrous.

It was difficult hiding my “enthusiasm” as Nurse Goodbody slowly pulled the sheets back and then began applying the slippery cleaning liquid to my legs and then began massaging it in. I glanced quickly at the missus. She was not smiling. For the next 10 minutes or so, my mind was constantly playing a news reel of car wrecks, natural disasters, the Zapruder film, and Aushwitz. When the nurse finally finished her task, my wife thanked her and I was able to turn off the mental projector and exhale. I didn’t get slapped or chewed out, so I guess that mind had indeed triumphed over matter.

So the point of all that is this…I hope Coot can actually enjoy the “perks” of his infirmity, the gender of his nurses notwithstanding. Get well my man. Looking forward to reading your wit and wisdom once again.

Should any of you degenerates find yourself in Cover 2’s situation, this is what you say to the cute nurse:

“Young lady, before you begin, I’d like to apologize in case I get an erection, and I’d like to apologize in case I don’t get an erection.”

Boom. All the pressure is off. You are now free to sprout wood with no consequences. It’s a compliment to her and you’re not a dirty old man; you’re funny and sweet and she may just flutter her fingers around your wrinkled old balls a little extra to spare you the humiliation of NOT popping a hard-on.

Thank you for listening to my TED talk. For more useful and practical insights like this, tune in to my YouTube channel.


Alex.
 

aka

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Why eat a geoduck if there's anything else available? I mean, really...
 

soflagator

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Guy has a heart issue, we create a thread in his honor, and then turn it into some bizarre collection of Asian seafood porn, knowing that it will likely be the first thread he visits when he returns?
 
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