- Jun 11, 2014
- 6,892
- 6,165
Founding Member
Now this year's winners: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend,
(the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend
a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having
no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would
be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
They pulled their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was for
(the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins to hop
the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the
late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of
the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it
were) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree
with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
thinking the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernicky crashed into
Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without
The protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To
Make matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh 3
inches. (The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, decided
to throw him a rope and pull him to safety (now he thinks of the "S" word)
by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and slowly driving away. However, in his
drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the
fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the
crashed pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene
from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found Mr. Pernicky
under it, half-naked scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum,
a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet
in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
(the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend
a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having
no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would
be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
They pulled their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was for
(the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins to hop
the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the
late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of
the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it
were) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree
with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
thinking the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernicky crashed into
Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without
The protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To
Make matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh 3
inches. (The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, decided
to throw him a rope and pull him to safety (now he thinks of the "S" word)
by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and slowly driving away. However, in his
drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the
fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the
crashed pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene
from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found Mr. Pernicky
under it, half-naked scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum,
a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet
in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
