- Jun 11, 2014
- 6,897
- 6,167
Founding Member
A generous Ass!
AITA--Am I The A...
- Thread starter AlexDaGator
- Start date
- Jun 12, 2014
- 9,569
- 25,307
Founding Member
Yesterday was my daughter’s 16th birthday. She’s been a decent driver with her permit. As the the time is approaching for her real test, I keep offering to coach her on some of the testing skills. In true 16 year old girl attitude, all I pretty much got was: “I know how to do all that”.
She failed her test. When she got home and told me I busted out laughing. Boy was she mad at me. AITA?
She passed her 2nd attempt today. After some coaching last night.
She failed her test. When she got home and told me I busted out laughing. Boy was she mad at me. AITA?
She passed her 2nd attempt today. After some coaching last night.
- Jun 14, 2014
- 3,971
- 12,827
Founding Member
- Dec 31, 2018
- 14,892
- 28,143
- Jun 19, 2014
- 21,440
- 47,975
Founding Member
- Jun 19, 2014
- 21,440
- 47,975
Founding Member
Alright, ill play. I'm fairly confident Im not the a-hole in this scenario but ill let the jury decide.
About 4 months ago a new family moved into a house 2 doors down and across from us. We walked over after they had gotten settled and introduced ourselves. they had a middle school daughter and a boy who was same age/grade as ours (7, second grade). We talked for a few minutes and found out the boy loves and plays baseball, just like ours does.
A few days later the kid starts coming over and playing ball in the yard with our son. seems fairly harmless at first but i notice on multiple occasions that the kid is very manipulative. Every time he swings and misses it was a foul or bad pitch by my son that didnt count, every time my son gets a hit its foul or he didnt step on first base or some other nonsense. Essentially my son was being forced to throw or field the whole time and any positive play he made was argued, meanwhile no matter what the kid did, it was good and if my son made a play it was somehow wrong or cheating. This went on consistently for about a month. Credit to my son for getting frustrated but still being a good sport about it. There were a few instances where my son would refuse to give in to him, so he would pitch a fit, sling his glove and bat around the yard, and then storm home. One time he left a note on our doorstep telling my son he couldnt be freinds with him anymore lol. Also, a situation occurred early on where my son came home from being over at the kids house and informed us that the boy had told his mom to shutup when she was speaking to them and she did nothing; my son was in shock that someone his age would say that to an adult. While all this was occurring there were multiple incidents where he spoke or reacted disrespectfully to myself or my wife. After a few weeks i told my wife i had a bad feeling about the kid and his family and that i didnt want our kids going over to their house. Some of the things he would say weren't things a 7 year old says, and that coupled with the possibility that he told his mother to shut up without any consequence had me feeling strongly that there was a permissive environment of disrespect and dysfunction in that household and that he was displaying learned behaviors from within the home. At this point i advocated for speaking to his parents and not allowing our kids to associate anymore but my wife forbade it not wanting to offend.
2 weeks later i get a call while at work from my wife who is livid. Apparently the kid was at our house playing with my son. My wife gave him a complement about his baseball skills and he responded with "did i ask?" to her. She was taken back, but once again, ignored it. 5 minutes later they were watching tv when she began to tell my son he needed to get started on his homework, he cut her off and said "shut up!". At that point she finally nutted up and told him he's not to speak to adults that way and it was time for him to go home. After this I was sure we could cut the cord but nope, she wouldn't let me speak with the parents or forbid the kids from interacting. Over the next 3 weeks additional stupidity ensured but nothing that deviated from what we'd seen already. Fast fwd to 1 month later, he and my son were once again playing ball and he was griping about my son's pitching, my son by that point was no longer taking his crap and griped back. My wife walked out the front door to check on the noise just in time to hear the kid yell, "well you're a f###ing a##hole!" to my son. My wife was shocked and sternly told him to go home immediately. He had a tennis ball in his hand, he chucked it directly at my wife and stormed off. Once that happened i overrode anything she said, went straight over to their house when i got home, knocked on the door and told his mother who answered what a little sht he was and that he was no longer allowed on our property.
Of course my wife freaked out and spent a month scared and embarrassed to go outside b/c she might run into the mom. Its been a few months now and we have seen them occasionally but i guess its very awkward for my wife. I couldn't care less, its not my problem. They are raising the little a-hole, not us. The father has never once said a word about it or acknowledged anything which tells me 2 things: 1) Im correct that its a permissive environment and hes allowed to behave that way, 2) The father is a POS because as a man and a father if my son had behaved that way towards other kids and adults I would have him over there personally apologizing to each and every person, severe punishments would be on going, and I personally would reach out to anyone affected and also apologize for my son's behavior. My wife still thnks what I did by walking over to their home was too much and unnecessary.
So, was I justified, or am i the a$$hole?
About 4 months ago a new family moved into a house 2 doors down and across from us. We walked over after they had gotten settled and introduced ourselves. they had a middle school daughter and a boy who was same age/grade as ours (7, second grade). We talked for a few minutes and found out the boy loves and plays baseball, just like ours does.
A few days later the kid starts coming over and playing ball in the yard with our son. seems fairly harmless at first but i notice on multiple occasions that the kid is very manipulative. Every time he swings and misses it was a foul or bad pitch by my son that didnt count, every time my son gets a hit its foul or he didnt step on first base or some other nonsense. Essentially my son was being forced to throw or field the whole time and any positive play he made was argued, meanwhile no matter what the kid did, it was good and if my son made a play it was somehow wrong or cheating. This went on consistently for about a month. Credit to my son for getting frustrated but still being a good sport about it. There were a few instances where my son would refuse to give in to him, so he would pitch a fit, sling his glove and bat around the yard, and then storm home. One time he left a note on our doorstep telling my son he couldnt be freinds with him anymore lol. Also, a situation occurred early on where my son came home from being over at the kids house and informed us that the boy had told his mom to shutup when she was speaking to them and she did nothing; my son was in shock that someone his age would say that to an adult. While all this was occurring there were multiple incidents where he spoke or reacted disrespectfully to myself or my wife. After a few weeks i told my wife i had a bad feeling about the kid and his family and that i didnt want our kids going over to their house. Some of the things he would say weren't things a 7 year old says, and that coupled with the possibility that he told his mother to shut up without any consequence had me feeling strongly that there was a permissive environment of disrespect and dysfunction in that household and that he was displaying learned behaviors from within the home. At this point i advocated for speaking to his parents and not allowing our kids to associate anymore but my wife forbade it not wanting to offend.
2 weeks later i get a call while at work from my wife who is livid. Apparently the kid was at our house playing with my son. My wife gave him a complement about his baseball skills and he responded with "did i ask?" to her. She was taken back, but once again, ignored it. 5 minutes later they were watching tv when she began to tell my son he needed to get started on his homework, he cut her off and said "shut up!". At that point she finally nutted up and told him he's not to speak to adults that way and it was time for him to go home. After this I was sure we could cut the cord but nope, she wouldn't let me speak with the parents or forbid the kids from interacting. Over the next 3 weeks additional stupidity ensured but nothing that deviated from what we'd seen already. Fast fwd to 1 month later, he and my son were once again playing ball and he was griping about my son's pitching, my son by that point was no longer taking his crap and griped back. My wife walked out the front door to check on the noise just in time to hear the kid yell, "well you're a f###ing a##hole!" to my son. My wife was shocked and sternly told him to go home immediately. He had a tennis ball in his hand, he chucked it directly at my wife and stormed off. Once that happened i overrode anything she said, went straight over to their house when i got home, knocked on the door and told his mother who answered what a little sht he was and that he was no longer allowed on our property.
Of course my wife freaked out and spent a month scared and embarrassed to go outside b/c she might run into the mom. Its been a few months now and we have seen them occasionally but i guess its very awkward for my wife. I couldn't care less, its not my problem. They are raising the little a-hole, not us. The father has never once said a word about it or acknowledged anything which tells me 2 things: 1) Im correct that its a permissive environment and hes allowed to behave that way, 2) The father is a POS because as a man and a father if my son had behaved that way towards other kids and adults I would have him over there personally apologizing to each and every person, severe punishments would be on going, and I personally would reach out to anyone affected and also apologize for my son's behavior. My wife still thnks what I did by walking over to their home was too much and unnecessary.
So, was I justified, or am i the a$$hole?
Nalt
Well-Known Member
- Jul 23, 2020
- 6,806
- 18,637
- Jul 16, 2018
- 7,656
- 20,125
- Jul 15, 2014
- 28,449
- 47,248
You just described "Caleb" across the street (but we ID'd "Caleb" for what he was (and the parents) pretty much on Day One and never let him near our kids, and made that pretty unequivocal to the parents. Let me tell you how 7 year old Caleb turned out...
Caleb is now 20 and still living at home. We have witnessed Caleb get Baker Acted by his own family TWICE in the last 18 months. About 5 years ago, when they were "trying to help" Caleb, he went out on a boat with a family friend who I guess was trying to mentor Caleb in some way. Well, something happened on the boat. The guy fell overboard somehow, Caleb apparently didn't know how to maneuver the boat (I don't know kind/size), and as the boat drifted away, Caleb watched the guy drown. I have no idea WTF actually happened, but in our house, we all picture Caleb pushing the dude away from the boat with an oar or something. We also wait for the day he goes "postal" inside his own house.
Pro Tip #8743: Don't let your kids play with Caleb. You are not the *******, you did the right thing.
EDIT: Hey Durty, here's my Dad advice, even though your kid is only 7: make sure you have a sit down with your boy and talk to him like an adult, not a kid, and walk him through exactly what you did and why and talk about the other kids behavior and how he was manipulating the situation and about even at 7, being able to recognize that behavior himself and act accordingly. Don't make it a fukkin lecture/directive. Make it a conversation (or four) and guide him where you want his head to be... it might take awhile. You'll thank me in 15 years if you treat him like this starting now. There is a time and place for "YOU WILL....!" as a dad, but this is a life shaper/lesson.
Last edited:
- Jun 19, 2014
- 21,440
- 47,975
Founding Member
what i didnt include was that the first convo i had with the dad gave me a weird vibe. cant describe it and couldnt pin point what the issue was at the time but it was immediate. after the reaction from the mother when confronted - "weve never seen this, i have no idea, im shocked, hes never behaved or displayed anythin like this ever" it became cyrstal clear that its all learned behavior from the father and that the mother is in abusive environment from both male figures in the home. shes also either suffering from stockholm syndrome or in total denial due to embarrassment. Either way I told my wife that child is a future ward of the state. No doubt in my mind.
- Jul 15, 2014
- 28,449
- 47,248
First, I edited my post and it didn't grab in your quote, please go back and read the EDIT at the bottom.
Second, agreed... sounds exactly like the Caleb family across the street. And it's not a "class" thing. This dad across the street is a VERY successful accountant with his own practice a ton of property/business holdings... they have all the money/resources they could hope for, but they have been schit parents since day one. Dad is totally unengaged, "parenting" for him was buying Caleb a golf cart when he was 10, a little motorbike (no helmet) ripping around the neighborhood... completely useless. Mom is foul mouthed and was probably very hot when young (but trailer trash mouth) and now looks like Angela from 90 Day Fiance.
And nothing I said about Caleb is made up/embellished. Baker Acted twice (watched it through my window, very interesting process) in last 12-18 months, and the boat "accident" was a very real thing.
- Jun 19, 2014
- 21,440
- 47,975
Founding Member
Read your edit. Ive had a few father-son convos with him along those lines. ust explaining why we arent allowing the boy to come over and ensuring he understood the level of disrespect shown and that is has repercussions. My son is very mature for his age and misses nothing. He was actually telling my wife he didnt want him to come over and didn't want to play with him anymore before the final straw, b/c of how shocked and uncomfortable he was with how the kid spoke and acted towards mom (my wife). Both my kids are very close with their Mom and we maintain a very loving but respectful household. Yes ma'am, no sir, etc. My wife said the shock and terror on my son's face when the kid told my wife to shutup was something to behold.
After about a month of no contact and after the holiday break, the mom text my wife and I saying that the kid felt bad and would like to be friends and play again and hopefully we can all move fwd. Kelli was afraid to respond and I said there's no response required. a text received doesn't require a response but she couldn't stomach that so i responded with a "thumbs up" and nothing more. That was 1st week of Jan. There hasn't been anything further and that was my intent - to make it clear there wont be.
- Jul 15, 2014
- 28,449
- 47,248
On the bold part: told my wife the whole story, and she said, "yup, end it, permanently." Luckily, my wife don't play... you get ONE shot with her, then you are dead to her.
- Dec 31, 2018
- 14,892
- 28,143
In no way @Durty South Swamp are you the a-hole here. Deet's right, that kid is going to end up in a very bad place and the clueless parents will have no idea how he got there. I will admit to being a little surprised at your patience with this. Clearly the on-line and real life versions of you are a bit different!
My MIL was a kindergarten teacher and she can tell you stories of a bunch of kids she had like your neighbor. In every case, where she knew how they ended up, none of them amounted to anything and most either went to prison or died fairly young. It's sad really.
My MIL was a kindergarten teacher and she can tell you stories of a bunch of kids she had like your neighbor. In every case, where she knew how they ended up, none of them amounted to anything and most either went to prison or died fairly young. It's sad really.
- Sep 4, 2014
- 21,311
- 79,573
@Durty South Swamp Yiure definitely not the issue. I may not be the best judge(though it does seem most people are in agreement) but I think parents have every right to do what they feel is best for their family regardless of how they are perceived. Your family is your responsibility, and you are the only one who will be looking back regretting any decision that you didn’t make. I tell my kids almost daily that friends are elevators. They will either take you up or down, never just bleep you in the same spot. Eventually you’re moving. So yeah, that’s the type of kid that has to be cut out. In reality you’re cutting the parents out, but their dysfunction has manifested itself with the kid. So he gets the brunt when it should be them. Still justifiable though.
- Jun 12, 2014
- 9,569
- 25,307
Founding Member
- Jun 19, 2014
- 21,440
- 47,975
Founding Member
- Jun 19, 2014
- 21,440
- 47,975
Founding Member
As ox said, this board is an avenue to get our anger and aggression out without doing harm. Also, my wife and I balance each other well. I'm aggressive, tell it like it is, have little patience for BS and for ppl who can't hold their own. She's basically the opposite. A ppl pleaser, always trying to be accommodating, often to a fault and her own detriment. I help keep her from being used and abused, she helps keep me from beating the ever loving dog sht out of stupid ppl
- Jul 27, 2018
- 3,256
- 7,025
^^^^^
Good combo.
NTA.
Kid is salvageable. Parents aren't. Had a little hood rat on a football team wY back. Daddy was in prison and kid had anger issues. He just needed someone to love him. Broke his arm the week prior to our County Championship game. Showed up wanting to play. I duct taped foam rubber to his cast. He wound up making the game winning tackle on the 1 yard line. He was a model kid after about 3 weeks on the team.
I think he is in jail now.
Good combo.
NTA.
Kid is salvageable. Parents aren't. Had a little hood rat on a football team wY back. Daddy was in prison and kid had anger issues. He just needed someone to love him. Broke his arm the week prior to our County Championship game. Showed up wanting to play. I duct taped foam rubber to his cast. He wound up making the game winning tackle on the 1 yard line. He was a model kid after about 3 weeks on the team.
I think he is in jail now.
- Jun 19, 2014
- 12,760
- 31,858
Founding Member
