Dorky Dan Excuse Thread

[lagator]

How about "so, you hired Cowbell Administration and Cowbell coaches and now you're surprised with Cowbell results? Who is the fool here?"

 

[Spurffelbow833]

Our defense hasn't been properly hydrated. Our offense has been hogging the Gatorade and I take full responsibility for that.

Can't hurt to try that one, it's only been used once before.

 

[lagator]

"Why did we lose? I was fighting a bad case of the Wang-Dang sweet Wutang. You try coaching with this guy looking over your shoulder. I was pretty damn scared until I realized it was just Donk Slayer. Not sure how he got on the sideline. I think he had a phony press pass that said Gatorchatter"

 

[NOLAGATOR]

Again...As long as we have POTUFs like Fuchs we will always be Florida's "Glorified Ivy League" like Vandy, Duke, Stanford, Tulane...

UF will be known for: "Don't Tase Me Bro", Smoking SAT/ACTs, 4.99 GPA, Tons of Asians, "Elite Students" and an Empty Stadium...

 

[Pablos Tunnel]

Again...As long as we have POTUFs like Fuchs we will always be Florida's "Glorified Ivy League" like Vandy, Duke, Stanford, Tulane...

UF will be known for: "Don't Tase Me Bro", Smoking SAT/ACTs, 4.99 GPA, Tons of Asians, "Elite Students" and an Empty Stadium...

This.
Until changes are made within the UAA and with the President we will languish as a mid level top twenty program.

 

[Swamp Donkey]

I was pretty damn scared until I realized it was just Donk Slayer.

Are you really a Donk Slayer if youve never slayed a donk? That is a bit like a virgin calling himself a pussy slayer.

 

[Swamp Donkey]

Until changes are made within the UAA and with the President we will languish as a mid level top twenty program.

It is hilarious, really, bc we pay three shytty coaches more than Trailerbammer pays Saban.

Oh the joys of saving money.

 

[BMF]

It is hilarious, really, bc we pay three shytty coaches more than Trailerbammer pays Saban.

Oh the joys of saving money.

It's like buying a Poulan chainsaw, because you're a cheapskate MF....then a few years later, after much frustration, you break down and buy a real chainsaw. But in this case (UF football), looks like you've bought three consecutive Poulan's. Maybe someday we'll end up w/ a Stihl.

 

[ThreatMatrix]

It's like buying a Poulan chainsaw, because you're a cheapskate MF....then a few years later, after much frustration, you break down and buy a real chainsaw. But in this case (UF football), looks like you've bought three consecutive Poulan's. Maybe someday we'll end up w/ a Stihl.

Really esoteric chainsaw metaphor is really esoteric.

 

[Swamp Donkey]

Really esoteric chainsaw metaphor is really esoteric.

You obviously didnt follow the chainsaw thread.

 

[ThreatMatrix]

You obviously didnt follow the chainsaw thread.

Yeah. Have to admit I missed that hot topic.

 

[G8trwood]

It's like buying a Poulan chainsaw, because you're a cheapskate MF....then a few years later, after much frustration, you break down and buy a real chainsaw. But in this case (UF football), looks like you've bought three consecutive Poulan's. Maybe someday we'll end up w/ a Stihl.

Okay , I am reply just so this can get more likes,

well said

 

[Gator By Marriage]

Yeah. Have to admit I missed that hot topic.

You didn't miss much; I can summarize it in three words: Buy a Stihl.

 

[gatorplank]

I would like to see Grantham get a 4th year for the following reasons (ready to take a beating for this opinion):

#1 3rd year slump - Even Meyer had a poor defense his 3rd year here. The upperclassmen on the roster consist of McElwain’s last two classes plus Mullen’s first transition class. 3rd year you usually have holes on the roster, and this is amplified by Mullen following McElwain.

Meyer had a hole at CB. Mullen has a big hole on the interior DL, and I think reviewing our recruiting there for the past 5 years shows it is worse than most of us realize.

2016:

We signed: No one
We whiffed: Dexter Lawrence, Shavar Manuel

2017:

We signed: Conliffe (career over) Campbell (not playing), Slaton
We whiffed: Aubrey Solomon

2018:

We signed: No one
We whiffed: Nesta Silvera, Coynis Miller

2019:

We signed: Jaelin Humphries
We whiffed: Nathan Pickering, Byron Young

2020:

We signed: Gervon Dexter, Johnnie Brown (non-qualifier), Lamar Goods, Jalen Lee
We whiffed: Tim Smith.

Not sure when Dunlap came in, but he’s a transfer. The cupboard is anything but stacked at DT, and that is largely Mullen’s fault. However, he couldn’t know that Sal Sunseri would pack his bags and leave for Bama whilst being a bum on the recruiting trail his first year at UF. I think we are well on the way to rectifying our depth along the interior DL, though.

If you look at our starting defense it is mostly Butters 3️ players because Mullen is very loyal to upperclassmen. I do think the talent level is slowly going up in the last two recruiting classes, but McElwain’s recruiting does appear to have caught up with us, especially at DT, LB, and safety. And then Marco Wilson has been a bust as well.

#2 Strength and Conditioning - It seems to me that Savage gives us a huge advantage and the off season Strength and Conditioning program was basically cancelled because of COVID. It sounds like our staff did not do a good job of staying on the players in the offseason to keep up with their strength and conditioning.

#3 Practice time - Grantham has a complicated scheme to begin with, and we lost spring practice plus 50% of training camp according to Mullen. Not only that, but we usually get a couple of tune up games. When you are breaking in new players into a complex scheme the practice time is valuable. I watched James DiVirgilio’s break down of the A&M game and we are making a lot of mental mistakes. You have to wonder if that extra practice time would have helped.

#4 Grantham has had a top 20 scoring defense the previous 2 years, and he had a top 30 scoring defense at MSU.

I’m not totally sold on Granthem, but I say we keep him one more year and see how he does unless if Jeremy Pruitt or Derek Mason become available. If either one of them is available, then I think you have to pull the trigger this year. If they aren’t available, then T Rob may be the guy if Muschamp is canned this year.

 

[NOLAGATOR]

I would like to see Grantham get a 4th year for the following reasons (ready to take a beating for this opinion):

#1 3rd year slump - Even Meyer had a poor defense his 3rd year here. The upperclassmen on the roster consist of McElwain’s last two classes plus Mullen’s first transition class. 3rd year you usually have holes on the roster, and this is amplified by Mullen following McElwain.

Meyer had a hole at CB. Mullen has a big hole on the interior DL, and I think reviewing our recruiting there for the past 5 years shows it is worse than most of us realize.

2016:

We signed: No one
We whiffed: Dexter Lawrence, Shavar Manuel

2017:

We signed: Conliffe (career over) Campbell (not playing), Slaton
We whiffed: Aubrey Solomon

2018:

We signed: No one
We whiffed: Nesta Silvera, Coynis Miller

2019:

We signed: Jaelin Humphries
We whiffed: Nathan Pickering, Byron Young

2020:

We signed: Gervon Dexter, Johnnie Brown (non-qualifier), Lamar Goods, Jalen Lee
We whiffed: Tim Smith.

Not sure when Dunlap came in, but he’s a transfer. The cupboard is anything but stacked at DT, and that is largely Mullen’s fault. However, he couldn’t know that Sal Sunseri would pack his bags and leave for Bama whilst being a bum on the recruiting trail his first year at UF. I think we are well on the way to rectifying our depth along the interior DL, though.

If you look at our starting defense it is mostly Butters 3️ players because Mullen is very loyal to upperclassmen. I do think the talent level is slowly going up in the last two recruiting classes, but McElwain’s recruiting does appear to have caught up with us, especially at DT, LB, and safety. And then Marco Wilson has been a bust as well.

#2 Strength and Conditioning - It seems to me that Savage gives us a huge advantage and the off season Strength and Conditioning program was basically cancelled because of COVID. It sounds like our staff did not do a good job of staying on the players in the offseason to keep up with their strength and conditioning.

#3 Practice time - Grantham has a complicated scheme to begin with, and we lost spring practice plus 50% of training camp according to Mullen. Not only that, but we usually get a couple of tune up games. When you are breaking in new players into a complex scheme the practice time is valuable. I watched James DiVirgilio’s break down of the A&M game and we are making a lot of mental mistakes. You have to wonder if that extra practice time would have helped.

#4 Grantham has had a top 20 scoring defense the previous 2 years, and he had a top 30 scoring defense at MSU.

I’m not totally sold on Granthem, but I say we keep him one more year and see how he does unless if Jeremy Pruitt or Derek Mason become available. If either one of them is available, then I think you have to pull the trigger this year. If they aren’t available, then T Rob may be the guy if Muschamp is canned this year.

Nice Summary

That said Grantham is a tool.

 

[Swamp Donkey]

I would like to see Grantham get a 4th year for the following reasons (ready to take a beating for this opinion):

Who the fuchs do you think made those idiotic recruiting decisions? this staff owns 75 of the 85 scholarships. it's way too late to be talking about butters. if they kept a butters player that's on them.

I see you hit Excuses number one: year three; Number two: Wuhan; and Number three Butters. I should have just numbered them for ease of use.

I sort of agree with you though. There's no reason to pay a buy out and overpay to get a substitute defensive coordinator when we're just going to have to fire the whole staff next November anyway.

 

[NOLAGATOR]

we're probably going to have to fire the whole staff next November anyway.

Now you're dreaming

 

[Swamp Donkey]

Now you're dreaming

Nope. Im positive he doesnt get a chance to lose the Georgia five times in a row.

The good news if Fooley Jr resists there is a good chance his stupid azz gets fired too.

Fuchshead doesnt run the UAA at all.

 

[t-gator]

we don't get all the good guys until next year.....again.

This is truly the best. The same people say the same **** on signing say every year. " next year is a huge year in our state" no shcit

 

[NOLAGATOR]

Nope. Im positive he doesnt get a chance to lose the Georgia five times in a row.

He'll dump half the staff to save his hide.