Gatorchatter: Tell us about your Bidet experience

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by PastyStoole, May 13, 2020.

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Ox has influenced many of us to purchase a bidet. What best describes your experience using one?

  1. Would never buy, even under doctors orders with lethally painful hemorrhoids. I'm not a fayg.

    31.3%
  2. Wouldn't buy, I'm afraid I'd derive some unholy pleasure from using it and question if I was a fayg.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. I use one, not because I enjoy it, (I'm not a fayg) but out of a desire for frugality and hygiene.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. I use one, and I don't care what people say. I let it get all up in there for a makeshift enema.

    25.0%
  5. I bought a used one on eBay for cheap. It was clogged, but I cleaned it with my wife's toothbrush

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  6. I got the deluxe model. Heated water, gentle lapping front and back that simulates a tongue. I came.

    18.8%
  7. In before move to Political Forum

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  8. Mia Hamm Sammich

    25.0%
  1. PastyStoole

    PastyStoole Man, there's no boundary line to art. ~Bird Parker
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    So many of us on this board now use a bidet, much of that has influenced by ox and his success story with one. Tell us about your experience, and don't hold back.
     
    • gatorfan81

      gatorfan81 Take it to PC member
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      I got one cause it fayg
       
      • bradgator2

        bradgator2 Rioting
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        I got one. I am not ashamed to admit that I use it sometimes even when I didnt go poop.
         
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        • QueenCityGator

          QueenCityGator University of Florida Alumnus
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          My first glance at this title made me think the writer made a typo and meant to say "Tell us about your Biden experience".

          My experience is probably different from most of yours :)
           
        • grengadgy

          grengadgy Well-Known Member
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          So you found a bidet that looks like a dildo?
           
          • JDW

            JDW Well-Known Member
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          • Zambo

            Zambo Poo Flinger
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            After the first few times, I started getting excited about taking a poop. Then one day in my haste I accidentally engaged the thing in high power setting before the turd was all the way out. Big mistake. Other than that my bunghole is so clean I'm tempted to show it off to total strangers.
             
            • divits

              divits A Muffin of the Studly Variety
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              :jerkstore:

              Tempted?!?! Who the hell do you think you're fooling? Word is your neighbors say you've become insufferable.

              [​IMG]
               
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              • crosscreekcooter

                crosscreekcooter Cunning Linguist
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                Got a pretty good deal on this model, it's a real cadillac. Considering one for the guest bath, if so I'll probably mount a hidden camera just for laughs.


                WOODBRIDGE BDI-01 Elongated Bidet Seat with Air Dryer and Stainless-Steel Nightlight | Nozzle Oscillation
                heated seat, warm water, heated dryer and night light
                 
                #9 crosscreekcooter, May 15, 2020
                Last edited: May 15, 2020
                • GatorFL

                  GatorFL Well-Known Member
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                  I have a Kohler bidet seat. It washes and dries my ass and has a deodorizer built in. Americans are missing out on a great Asian and European standard.
                   
                  • G8trwood

                    G8trwood Well-Known Member
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                    Lost my step dad over the holidays, during his last few days I had to carry him to the bathroom. He was only semi coherent. While in there he starts hoarsely asking for water over and over, so I go to the kitchen and get him a glass of water. He looks at me and won’t take the glass. My mom starts laughing hysterically and says no he wants the remote for the bidet...... he must have mashed the button 20 times and then smiled and said okay....

                    A little macabre, but we all laughed and it is my only bidet story :)
                     
                    • Bushmaster

                      Bushmaster Well-Known Member
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                      I have never seen one in operation. Those options though are hilarious.
                       
                    • Swamp Donkey

                      Swamp Donkey Bring Back Assquash
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                      No dildo?
                       
                      • crosscreekcooter

                        crosscreekcooter Cunning Linguist
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                        If you make the purchase before June with your Worldsex.cm Mastercard you get your choice of a rabbit or a fleshlight
                         
                        • AuggieDosta

                          AuggieDosta I Don't Re Member

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                          Have had one since December and love it.

                          When the chink-flu hit, and crazy Americans made a run on TP, we were sitting pretty with no understanding of the need to buy that sshhitty product in bulk.
                           
                        • DocZaius

                          DocZaius Hoof her right in the front butt
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                          Just bought one. Game-changer. Wife is skeptical and hasn’t tried it yet, but that may be because I keep calling it the “Buttman Industries Ass-Blaster 5000.”
                           
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                          • G. Gordon Gator

                            G. Gordon Gator Intrepid Chauvinist
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                            [​IMG]
                             
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                            • heavychevy

                              heavychevy water bottle holder

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                              My ass is too hairy for one, plus the thought of it makes me question why you guys want your butts so inviting. If I used one it’d have to come with one of those blowers that turn on after a gas station car wash
                               
                              • Detroitgator

                                Detroitgator Well-Known Member
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                                Butt see... now yer thinking about it... that's how the ghey starts!
                                 

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