And the choices are... Alex Morgan: Her overly involved soccer dad would kill you if he knew even half the impure thoughts you've had about his daughter. You once bought her used sports bra from an unscrupulous dealer on Ebay and frequently pleasure yourself with it. Hope Solo: She reminds you of that hot, mentally unstable chick you spent two months with one night. You had to change your address and phone number when you finally screwed up the courage to leave, but the sex was the best you ever had. It was violent and terrifying and you had to check your equipment afterward to make sure there was no damage. Years later you still fight an almost irresistible urge to call her. Abby Wambach: The recent SCOTUS ruling gave you "pride" that she was on your "team." You were the first bridesman in the receiving line at her wedding. Carli Lloyd: I *heart* New Jersey. Fk Jeremy Foley and his ******** liberal Title IX agenda. Mia Hamm Sammich.