Questions about stadium seating

[BigClawsBrother]

Every time I go to a game in the swamp my ass itches like crazy. I’ve polled a few other people and they have said the same thing. It’s not as bad when I sit in the chair backs as it is when I’m on the bleachers. Do you guys also experience this?

 

[neteng]

 

[78]

Known issue. Those benches are a composite of pine and 60-year-old cow dung, the kind that grows purple mushrooms after it rains. I've copped a few unintentional highs from them. Made me want to go to a dark move theater to watch Fantasia.

 

[BigClawsBrother]

Known issue. Those benches are a composite of pine and 60-year-old cow dung, the kind that grows purple mushrooms after it rains. I've copped a few unintentional highs from them. Made me want to go to a dark move theater to watch Fantasia.

I talked to some older fans while I was there that have been going longer than I’ve been alive and they also said it was common and called it swamp ass.

 

[gatormandan]

Known issue. Those benches are a composite of pine and 60-year-old cow dung, the kind that grows purple mushrooms after it rains. I've copped a few unintentional highs from them. Made me want to go to a dark move theater to watch Fantasia.

 

[78]

I talked to some older fans while I was there that have been going longer than I’ve been alive and they also said it was common and called it swamp ass.

You really have to wonder about someone who waits until they're in Florida Field to go take a dump.

 

[-THE DUDE-]

You really have to wonder about someone who waits until they're in Florida Field to go take a dump.

I’ve been known to take some Imodium the day of a big sporting event to prevent such matters...especially when I’ve been to the Indy 500 infield...there is nothing grosser in a non 3rd world country than the bathrooms in the infield of that place

 

[78]

I’ve been known to take some Imodium the day of a big sporting event to prevent such matters...especially when I’ve been to the Indy 500 infield...there is nothing grosser in a non 3rd world country than the bathrooms in the infield of that place

There's more than one reason to hold your breath in a hot, well-worn Port-O-Potty. The aroma and the fear of the splash.

 

[-THE DUDE-]

There's more than one reason to hold your breath in a hot, well-worn Port-O-Potty. The aroma and the fear of the splash.

That too...but...the toilets I’m talking about are a concrete block cave with no air movement and a bunch of fat drunk smelly beasts that have been camping for a week...you can’t duplicate this smell anywhere

 

[78]

That too...but...the toilets I’m talking about are a concrete block cave with no air movement and a bunch of fat drunk smelly beasts that have been camping for a week...you can’t duplicate this smell anywhere

Let me guess. Your wife stayed home.

 

[-THE DUDE-]

Let me guess. Your wife stayed home.

No she was there...different wife though...she would have been the dirtiest thing in that bathroom though

 

[78]

No she was there...different wife though...she would have been the dirtiest thing in that bathroom though

Okay.

 

[TheBigClaw]

I can confirm, I was at the game with him and my ass was also very itchy .

 

[MJMGator]

Solid thread. Would read again.

 

[AlexDaGator]

My advice to you is to try these:

If that doesn't work, Brad is a big fan of these:

Now if it is your ass cheeks that itch and not your bung hole, it's likely another matter entirely.

You see, the bleachers in the Swamp have ridges in them...in other words, they are ribbed (whether or not this is done on purpose for her pleasure has not yet been definitively determined, you'll have to ask Queenie or Casey).

Now, assuming you are a middle aged fat ass and not a scrawny student who stands the whole game, sitting on that ribbed bleacher will create red striations on your ass based on higher pressure on the raised portions and lower pressure on the lowered portions. Imagine putting a comb on the table and then squishing your elbow against it for 4 hours. You're going to get red stripes that match the teeth of the comb on your elbow (no confirmation on whether the beer was actually named for the red stripe phenomenon).

Those striations will annoy the nerve endings in your ass (especially when combined with salty sweat) which will signal their discomfort to your brain with an itching sensation.

Make sense?

My advice to you is to invest in cushioned chair-backs and make a point to get up and walk around often, preferably someplace cold like the President's Box (which would be a lot funnier if the President was a lady with an ice-cold box that could accommodate dozens of men at one time).

Here is a close-up view of the ribbing for your viewing pleasure (still not sure about the other kind).

Alex.

 

[Alumni Guy]

Given the long history of the bleacher your sitting on, it’s a statistical certainty that a woman of ill repute or a skanky co-ed has previously sat there.

That’s why I always wear a rubber to every game.

 

[BigClawsBrother]

My advice to you is to try these:

If that doesn't work, Brad is a big fan of these:

Now if it is your ass cheeks that itch and not your bung hole, it's likely another matter entirely.

You see, the bleachers in the Swamp have ridges in them...in other words, they are ribbed (whether or not this is done on purpose for her pleasure has not yet been definitively determined, you'll have to ask Queenie or Casey).

Now, assuming you are a middle aged fat ass and not a scrawny student who stands the whole game, sitting on that ribbed bleacher will create red striations on your ass based on higher pressure on the raised portions and lower pressure on the lowered portions. Imagine putting a comb on the table and then squishing your elbow against it for 4 hours. You're going to get red stripes that match the teeth of the comb on your elbow (no confirmation on whether the beer was actually named for the red stripe phenomenon).

Those striations will annoy the nerve endings in your ass (especially when combined with salty sweat) which will signal their discomfort to your brain with an itching sensation.

Make sense?

My advice to you is to invest in cushioned chair-backs and make a point to get up and walk around often, preferably someplace cold like the President's Box (which would be a lot funnier if the President was a lady).




Alex.

Thanks for the scientific response. Yes it’s just my cheeks that itch and that is the consensus of the other fans that I have asked as well.

 

[78]

Given the long history of the bleacher your sitting on, it’s a statistical certainty that a woman of ill repute or a skanky co-ed has previously sat there.

That’s why I always wear a rubber to every game.

Wait what who

 

[ChiefGator]

I have not been to the swamp recently but I always bring a type of pillow when I go to games, the seat is way too hard for me. I have a special one designed for hunting, it has camo color.

 

[BigClawsBrother]

I have not been to the swamp recently but I always bring a type of pillow when I go to games, the seat is way too hard for me. I have a special one designed for hunting, it has camo color.

I’ve been thinking about just investing in those fold up Stadium chairs