- Jun 19, 2014
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- 28,813
Founding Member
So...Seedy and CD's baby girl said "yes".
That's the good news.
The bad news? CD has to plan a wedding and Seedy has to pay for it.
Knowing we're all way too cheap to send cash, let's at least give 'em some free advice.
I'll start.
1. Beer. Do not serve Bud Light at the Reception
2. Gift bags. You know the little gift bags they have the hotel issue to the wedding party at check-in? Think practical. Nobody wants to fly back with a commemorative picture frame. Bottled water or maybe Propel, Advil, travel pack of wet wipes, and some high calorie salty or sweet snacks, that sort of thing.
3. Toasts. Prefer only two toasts, Maid of Honor and Best Man and that's it. If that's impossible for some reason, then absolutely no more than 4 toasts, with a strictly enforced time limit. Do these early, before the Maid of Honor gets plastered and starts slurring about how the bride is like a sister who held her hair when she was drunk and puking in the toilet (likely to happen again tonight) and she was there for all the losers the bride dated before finding the groom (apparently the bride slept with lots of lots of losers) and how she knew the minute she met the groom that he was different and he was going to be the one and then the tears and the professions of undying love and sisterhood and blah blah blah blah... If this sounds familiar, it's because I've heard this Maid of Honor toast at roughly 75% of the weddings I have attended. This is the worst. Don't let this happen at your wedding. It is NOT open mike night at the drunk Improv.
4. Music. Write into the DJs contract that if you hear the chicken dance or the macarena or sweet caroline, the DJ doesn't get paid. Feel free to supplement my list with additional prohibited songs. 'Bama fans expected? I don't want to hear Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. Ohio State fans invited? I don't want to hear Hang on Sloopy. Sofla coming? Better not play any Pitbull. FSU fans expected? You're dead to me. Uninvite them. What's wrong with you?
5. Be Prepared for Wardrobe Malfunctions. Sh!t happens. As a groomsman, I've had my shirt ripped open. As a groom, I've had the sole pop off of my shoe. I've seen pants split. I've seen colorful food/beverage spilled on shirts. You don't have to overdo this, but have a spare pair of shoes in the trunk, bring a little sewing kit, maybe some Shout wipes.
Alex.
That's the good news.
The bad news? CD has to plan a wedding and Seedy has to pay for it.
Knowing we're all way too cheap to send cash, let's at least give 'em some free advice.
I'll start.
1. Beer. Do not serve Bud Light at the Reception
2. Gift bags. You know the little gift bags they have the hotel issue to the wedding party at check-in? Think practical. Nobody wants to fly back with a commemorative picture frame. Bottled water or maybe Propel, Advil, travel pack of wet wipes, and some high calorie salty or sweet snacks, that sort of thing.
3. Toasts. Prefer only two toasts, Maid of Honor and Best Man and that's it. If that's impossible for some reason, then absolutely no more than 4 toasts, with a strictly enforced time limit. Do these early, before the Maid of Honor gets plastered and starts slurring about how the bride is like a sister who held her hair when she was drunk and puking in the toilet (likely to happen again tonight) and she was there for all the losers the bride dated before finding the groom (apparently the bride slept with lots of lots of losers) and how she knew the minute she met the groom that he was different and he was going to be the one and then the tears and the professions of undying love and sisterhood and blah blah blah blah... If this sounds familiar, it's because I've heard this Maid of Honor toast at roughly 75% of the weddings I have attended. This is the worst. Don't let this happen at your wedding. It is NOT open mike night at the drunk Improv.
4. Music. Write into the DJs contract that if you hear the chicken dance or the macarena or sweet caroline, the DJ doesn't get paid. Feel free to supplement my list with additional prohibited songs. 'Bama fans expected? I don't want to hear Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. Ohio State fans invited? I don't want to hear Hang on Sloopy. Sofla coming? Better not play any Pitbull. FSU fans expected? You're dead to me. Uninvite them. What's wrong with you?
5. Be Prepared for Wardrobe Malfunctions. Sh!t happens. As a groomsman, I've had my shirt ripped open. As a groom, I've had the sole pop off of my shoe. I've seen pants split. I've seen colorful food/beverage spilled on shirts. You don't have to overdo this, but have a spare pair of shoes in the trunk, bring a little sewing kit, maybe some Shout wipes.
Alex.
