Seedy and CD's little girl is getting hitched, hit 'em with your best wedding tips

AlexDaGator

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So...Seedy and CD's baby girl said "yes".

That's the good news.

The bad news? CD has to plan a wedding and Seedy has to pay for it. :lol:

Knowing we're all way too cheap to send cash, let's at least give 'em some free advice.

I'll start.

1. Beer. Do not serve Bud Light at the Reception :shakehead:

2. Gift bags. You know the little gift bags they have the hotel issue to the wedding party at check-in? Think practical. Nobody wants to fly back with a commemorative picture frame. Bottled water or maybe Propel, Advil, travel pack of wet wipes, and some high calorie salty or sweet snacks, that sort of thing.

3. Toasts. Prefer only two toasts, Maid of Honor and Best Man and that's it. If that's impossible for some reason, then absolutely no more than 4 toasts, with a strictly enforced time limit. Do these early, before the Maid of Honor gets plastered and starts slurring about how the bride is like a sister who held her hair when she was drunk and puking in the toilet (likely to happen again tonight) and she was there for all the losers the bride dated before finding the groom (apparently the bride slept with lots of lots of losers) and how she knew the minute she met the groom that he was different and he was going to be the one and then the tears and the professions of undying love and sisterhood and blah blah blah blah... If this sounds familiar, it's because I've heard this Maid of Honor toast at roughly 75% of the weddings I have attended. This is the worst. Don't let this happen at your wedding. It is NOT open mike night at the drunk Improv.

4. Music. Write into the DJs contract that if you hear the chicken dance or the macarena or sweet caroline, the DJ doesn't get paid. Feel free to supplement my list with additional prohibited songs. 'Bama fans expected? I don't want to hear Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. Ohio State fans invited? I don't want to hear Hang on Sloopy. Sofla coming? Better not play any Pitbull. FSU fans expected? You're dead to me. Uninvite them. What's wrong with you?

5. Be Prepared for Wardrobe Malfunctions. Sh!t happens. As a groomsman, I've had my shirt ripped open. As a groom, I've had the sole pop off of my shoe. I've seen pants split. I've seen colorful food/beverage spilled on shirts. You don't have to overdo this, but have a spare pair of shoes in the trunk, bring a little sewing kit, maybe some Shout wipes.



Alex.
 

LaylaGator

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Start serving heavy hors d'oeuvres as soon as the bar opens!

And, obviously, make the bar an open one.
 

gingerlover

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Have a destinations wedding somewhere cool with just immediate family and a few friends. Then throw a reception when they return from the honeymoon
 

MJMGator

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peter griffin wedding GIF by Family Guy

What wrong with the macarena?
 

AlexDaGator

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Immediately following the end of the wedding, there's always formal picture time for the wedding party and immediate family. By then, everybody is tired, hungry, and thirsty. While the guests are enjoying the open bar and heavy hors d'oeuvres (we REALLY need to Americanize that spelling to orderves), the wedding party is freakin' dying. Then the wedding party has to line up to be introduced and seated and that takes forever too. Immediately transition to the first dance, then the toast, these people are suffering. Don't let that happen.

Pack a cooler full of ice and small bottles of water and have some orderves (see how easy that is?) stashed aside for the wedding party to crush during picture time before they are introduced and join the reception.

Alex.
 

MJMGator

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Immediately following the end of the wedding, there's always formal picture time for the wedding party and immediate family. By then, everybody is tired, hungry, and thirsty. While the guests are enjoying the open bar and heavy hors d'oeuvres (we REALLY need to Americanize that spelling to orderves), the wedding party is freakin' dying. Then the wedding party has to line up to be introduced and seated and that takes forever too. Immediately transition to the first dance, then the toast, these people are suffering. Don't let that happen.

Pack a cooler full of ice and small bottles of water and have some orderves (see how easy that is?) stashed aside for the wedding party to crush during picture time before they are introduced and join the reception.

Alex.
Bottles of water? Seriously?

CD, they need SHOTS and icy cold beers. Lots of them!
 

AlexDaGator

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Bottles of water? Seriously?

CD, they need SHOTS and icy cold beers. Lots of them!

Couple of beers for the dudes is OK.

You gotta keep that Maid of Honor reasonably sober until AFTER she delivers her toast. As soon as that's done, you can pour shots down her throat with a funnel and take advantage of her in the reception hall's storage closet with the extra chairs and tables in it.

Or so I've been told. :dance:

Single Groomsman ADG to flirty Maid of Honor: What a beautiful venue for a wedding. So nice. Hey...I wonder what's behind this door over here. C'mon, we should take a look.


Alex.
 

MJMGator

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Couple of beers for the dudes is OK.

You gotta keep that Maid of Honor reasonably sober until AFTER she delivers her toast. As soon as that's done, you can pour shots down her throat with a funnel and take advantage of her in the reception hall's storage closet with the extra chairs and tables in it. Or so I've been told. :dance:


Alex.
Look, if someone chooses a lightweight as their maid of honor, then they deserve the ensuing disaster.
 

LaylaGator

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I'm not entirely certain, but I have a hunch Little CD and her friends may not be all that seasoned.
 

AlexDaGator

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Look, if someone chooses a lightweight as their maid of honor, then they deserve the ensuing disaster.

They're ALL lightweights. They're all wishing it was THEIR wedding. They ALL want to get drunk and hook up with a groomsman, especially the bridesmaids travelling from out of town. Something about getting off a plane and staying in a hotel room, it's like a free pass for bridesmaids. Plus, they become ultra-competitive. If one shows an interest in you, the others will compete for your attention to establish their dominance over the first one. I imagine the BBC could do a nature-style documentary narrated by Sir Richard Attenborough describing the various mating rituals, dominance displays, etc.


Alex.
 

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At least a bottle of champagne for the bridal party during pics.
So Mrs G.’s bridesmaids thought it would be fun to bring a bottle of champagne to the changing room at the church. Fortunately we’re Catholics, so that was not the problem. They did forget however to bring glasses. While not a problem for the bridesmaids - including, and I suspect especially, for my two sisters - Mrs G claims to this day that her mom and mine did not look comfortable drinking from a shared bottle. (So @CDGator : Any decent party store will have disposable champagne glasses.)
 

CDGator

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:lol:

The advice is good and greatly appreciated. Keep it coming.

First, we’ve been told it will be after Lil CD graduates college so we have two years to save and plan for a wedding.

Second, Seedy and I are planting the bug in her ear that they should consider a destination wedding like @gingerlover suggests. Seedy and I went to Hawaii to get married and his parents joined us for a few days. The hotel faxed me a one page questionnaire about the cake and colors etc and then we showed up on the beach. Perfect.
 
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I Have No Friends :(

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Rather than trying to make the perfect plans for a perfect day, wing it last minute. The memories will last much longer this way and in 20-30 years after everyone's forgotten about their peers' weddings, this one will still be talked about.
 

CDGator

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Rather than trying to make the perfect plans for a perfect day, wing it last minute. The memories will last much longer this way and in 20-30 years after everyone's forgotten about their peers' weddings, this one will still be talked about.
Our nephew did this last year. He made a big party weekend out of his wedding. We started out Friday at Keeneland race track betting on the horses. He had some people camping out on the family farm. When they felt like everyone showed up there on Saturday, we all walked across a field to a tree where they got married. They had two food trucks we could order from and an enormous charcuterie board spanning three tables. He had a variety of about 50 pies instead of a wedding cake. In memory of grandpa, his canoe was filled with ice and beer. Just a big party which is what they wanted.
 

I Have No Friends :(

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Our nephew did this last year. He made a big party weekend out of his wedding. We started out Friday at Keeneland race track betting on the horses. He had some people camping out on the family farm. When they felt like everyone showed up there on Saturday, we all walked across a field to a tree where they got married. They had two food trucks we could order from and an enormous charcuterie board spanning three tables. He had a variety of about 50 pies instead of a wedding cake. In memory of grandpa, his canoe was filled with ice and beer. Just a big party which is what they wanted.
Fantastic. That sounds like a wedding I would love to attend.
 

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