Tales From Gentlemen's Establishments...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by cover2, Oct 30, 2019.

  1. cover2

    cover2 I've grown old
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    I'm not what you'd call a 'regular' by any means, but as a young coach I was sent on the road quite a bit to scout upcoming opponents (learned a lot of football). There'd usually be two or three of us and we went all over central and east GA. After the scouting was done and the notes organized, we'd find a watering hole prior to the trip home. On one occasion, a new coach that was with us on a trip to Warner Robins suggested we stop by a little place right off the interstate called "Cafe Erotica" (Must've been linked to the joint in Micanopy). The two semis and the roofing company truck in the parking lot was our sign that this would be a first class establishment.

    After paying five bucks to get in, we were seated at this four-seater mini-bar with a cage on top. We shared it with one of the truckers who had a dirty Bravo Fertilizer hat and a black ZZ Top beard (there was no Duck Dynasty at that time). He was enjoying a hearty breakfast of scrambled eggs and sausage (at 11:30 pm) with a pitcher of draft as he waited for the next performer. Our waitress quickly told us that if we weren't drinking, we weren't staying. As the designated driver, this put me in a bind. That is, until she said I had to drink something. Not drinking sodas at the time, I was relieved to find they served chocolate milk. I could stay.

    After a few minutes, the young lady assigned to our cage climbed in wearing a bath robe and the cage door was locked behind her (for her protection or ours?). She engaged in some small talk...where y'all from, what do y'all do for a living, etc. Unfazed, the trucker kept right on shoveling the scrambled eggs. Finally, the song she punched into the jukebox sounded and off came the bath robe. As a Zepplin fan, I immediately recognized the strains of "In the Evening." Seven-plus minutes of artistic interpretation lay ahead (I hoped she was in shape).

    Though she was writhing seductively in front of us, the trucker had yet to look up from his meal. I suppose the little teddie she was wearing didn't pique his interest as much as the coaching staff. Evidently, she noticed him not noticing her and suddenly it was time for everything to come off. At that moment, she turned around and bent over in front of the trucker, slapping her backside to get his attention, which it did. The trucker looked up, momentarily mesmerized. It was as if he had stared at the Gorgon and was turned to stone. After a minute, his paralysis subsided and he turned to the three of us, flecks of egg in his beard, and pointing at her "road to glory," he said "Boys...that's where it all happens!" We fell about the place!

    Of course we recognized this as the evening's high water mark, politely tipped the young lady, high-fived our new found Svengali, and prepared to head south far more enlightened than when we arrived. But the real pinnacle was still in front of us, for in walked legendary pro wrestler Tommy "Wildfire" Rich, who had just finished a match down the road in Perry and was looking to unwind. As a kid that grew up watching wrestling in FL and AL, this was like meeting the President. We wound up staying and visiting a bit longer. What an evening. It just goes to show that there is learning and culture to be found in the unlikeliest of places, all made possible by the great game of football!

    *Edit* Feel free to share!
     
    #1 cover2, Oct 30, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2019
    • NVGator

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      The cover was only $5? Damn.
       
      • cover2

        cover2 I've grown old
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        Dollar store prices, Dollar store products. Cheetah Three it wasn't. But hey, our per diem when we scouted was pretty low so...:dunno:
         
        • Gatordiddy

          Gatordiddy Well-Known Member
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          About two years ago I met two work buddies and one of them had sent the wife and kids down to Orlando, so he was looking for some fun.
          We ended up going to a place in Alexandria VA and we had a seat.
          (disclaimer- I may be in the minority but I really dislike these places- No ROI).

          The guy whose wife was out of town decided he would treat us so ... ok then. He ordered a couple bottles of expensive champagne. That was like chum in the water as we were descended upon by the split-tails.
          after a couple of hours of private dances and more bottles we finally had to roll out about 4am.
          My buddy went over with the manager to pay the tab and we left. When we got to the car he looked white as a ghost. Especially difficult for a black guy too. I asked him what’s wrong and he said the tab came to $19,000. Ho Lee Fuk...and home we all went.
          Welp- after being asleep for about 2 hours he calls and says - “the wife has fraud protection on the credit card and the company called her in Orlando.”
          Oops.
          I asked him what did you tell her?
          He said the truth.
          And then he said - “hey diddy, can I borrow $19,000?”
          Haha-
          Nope.

          Can you imagine spending that kind of money, especially in freakin Alexandria?

          Vegas maybe, and that would make for an epic story.
           
          • Gator By Marriage

            Gator By Marriage A convert to Gatorism
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            I grew up in Alex and from what I remember, those were all some nasty places (and actually outside the city limits in Fairfax County). There is also a legendary place in Crystal City (Arlington). It’s a slight upgrade from the spots south of Alexandria.
             
          • Gatordiddy

            Gatordiddy Well-Known Member
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            Paper Moon.
            He fell in lust with one of the trailer park dancers and even went back twice after that night.
             
          • g8r.tom

            g8r.tom Well-Known Member
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            Twice more? $19,000 wasn’t enough?

            Was there a divorce?
             
            • Gator By Marriage

              Gator By Marriage A convert to Gatorism
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              Those were some nasty gals back in the day (like 35 years ago); can’t imagine they improved any. Can’t believe he went back after that fiasco.
               
            • cover2

              cover2 I've grown old
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              $19,000...Wow. And to think I was pissed about having to shell out $5 to get in the place I referenced in the OP.
               
              • Gatordiddy

                Gatordiddy Well-Known Member
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                Quick follow up from May of this year (Boston).

                The same guy who dropped the $19k and I were in Boston attending a company function and there were thousands of our customers there as well.
                Four of us took three NASA customers to dinner (along with some other internal consultants) to Del Frisco's. My strip club buddy seated next to me shows me a bottle of wine on his phone app and says "This makes Caymus taste like sh!t. I'm going to order two bottles on my tab and you get the rest of the dinner". The wine was about $150 per bottle... no sweat if he's paying for it. Of course he's also telling our customers and workmates to order the Wagyu and all other kinds of expensive stuff (thanks).

                Anyhoo... I should have known something was up in the way the staff "presented" the bottles of wine with some elaborate decanting thing-a-ma-jig. Oh well... it was good wine. About 15 minutes later he orders two more bottles...
                Then after those are gone he goes down for a smoke (and he's really lit at this point).
                And... he doesn't come back for about 10 minutes or so. I ask one of my co-workers to check on him. And the co-worker doesn't come back. What the hell.
                I call the co-worker and ask where are you guys and he said "'Strip Club Boy' got belligerent with some female co-workers in the lobby (verbally abusive and was about to grab dat azz) and got kicked out. The co-worker who went to check on him had to walk him back to his hotel.
                Great...
                So when the tab came... it turns out the wine was actually $500 a bottle not $150. Awesome. The wine was $2000 and the meal came to $5000. My manager loved that expense report.
                Turns out Strip Club boy had ticked off his manager two nights earlier by demanding a raise and threatening to quit in the middle of their dinner.
                Needless to say - I was approached by his manager to get the details on what happened. Strip Club boy was fired 15 minutes later.
                Good times...

                Did I also mention his wife "fired" him not long after that? :lol:
                 
                • Gulfstream

                  Gulfstream zzzzzzzzzzz
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                  Epic.
                   
                • Gator By Marriage

                  Gator By Marriage A convert to Gatorism
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                  If nothing else, that guy has given you some great stories to tell.
                   
                • Gatordiddy

                  Gatordiddy Well-Known Member
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                  yeah- he also got read out of his Top Secret clearance for not self reporting a DUI.
                  Some folks are beyond help.
                   
                • Gator By Marriage

                  Gator By Marriage A convert to Gatorism
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                  I am well aware; I did 4+ years in my agency’s internal affairs component. At least once a day, you’d hear someone in the unit say, “You can’t make this schitt up.” If you didn’t already know when you got there, you figured out real quick that you can’t fix stupid.
                   
                  • Back Alley Gator

                    Back Alley Gator Well-Known Member
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                    Back in the late 80s and early 90s some friends and I used to hang out at a joint called The Pirate's Den down at the very end of Duval St in Key West. It was one of those places if you didn't already know it was there, you'd never find it. Place closed at 4AM and opened at 6AM. Rumor has it you could pay them to just stay there from 4-6 after they closed the doors.

                    I spent more time than I should have in those places growing up.
                     
                    • Bait'n Gator

                      Bait'n Gator Go away..... bait'n
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                      I'm proud to say I've twice woken up in a strip club (they look terrible on the inside early in the morning when all the lights are on). The first time was in Cancun, every single girl there was European and not very attractive at all. I had one talked into going back to my room with me but evidently I passed out while waiting on her to get off :lol:. I woke up around 7 or 8 a.m and all the lights were on and there were a couple old mexican women cleaning the place up. They all just gave me that "damn son" look and shook their heads as I stumbled out the place.

                      The second time was in one of those "BYOB" places, not sure if we were in Savannah or South Carolina. But there were 3 or 4 of us that woke up in that shyt hole after the sun had came up. Probably 14 or 15 years ago a group of us went white tail hunting in Mexico again. We Flew into San Antonio and drove the rest of the way down. We decided to get rooms in Laredo and then were going to cross the border in the morning. Of course we decided to get drunk and go find the worst strip club in town. We were the only whites there, to this day I still don't know how one of us didn't get stabbed. I swear to God there were people fcking on tables and in corners in this place. We were there maybe 30 minutes or so and one of the "english" speaking bartenders came over and recommended we find another place to party. At first we tried to act like hard asses but after seeing 20 or 25 cholo's all stand up at the same time, it helped us take his advice.
                       
                      #16 Bait'n Gator, Nov 8, 2019
                      Last edited: Nov 8, 2019
                      • Gatordiddy

                        Gatordiddy Well-Known Member
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                        “...damn son”. :lol:
                         
                        • bradgator2

                          bradgator2 Internet Bully
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                          This thread really should be merged with the “worst thing you have done thread”. :lol:
                           
                          • MJMGator

                            MJMGator Slightly amused
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                            Think I’m gonna sit this one out.
                             
                          • Gatordiddy

                            Gatordiddy Well-Known Member
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                            pussy.


                            :grin:
                             

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