The New joke thread

Gatordiddy

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Jul 23, 2014
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Definitely wrong, cuz it's backwards. The kids should climb in the balls at the top, then slide down the shaft and come out the vagina. :lol2:

Wouldn’t they technically be going into the vagina? I think that’s how it works anyway
 

Spectator

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Jan 15, 2021
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Breaking News : Walmart is CLOSING for Thanksgiving to allow all the self checkout cashiers to be home with family
1f642.png
 

wrpgator

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Sep 6, 2019
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There were two nuns
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to make love to us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later...

SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course, it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear! What did you do SL?

The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
Say five Hail Marys and two rosaries and change your way of thinking!

Amen
 

TheDouglas78

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Jun 12, 2014
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Founding Member
What do a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn't pull out in time.
 

Jake from State Farm

I'm wearing Khakis, why?
Sep 6, 2014
488
780
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall..
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer..'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No..'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'
 

TLB

Just chillin'
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Jan 6, 2015
12,910
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How do you know Santa is a ma

He shows up late, eats your cookie, comes only once, calls you a hoe, and leaves while you’re sleeping!
 

TLB

Just chillin'
Lifetime Member
Jan 6, 2015
12,910
23,232
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Me: Word
 

Nalt

Well-Known Member
Jul 23, 2020
6,541
17,947
Harrodsburg, KY to Present Meth Days July 8-10

The small community of Harrodsburg will be presenting its first annual Meth Days Festival, July 8th-10th at The Old Fort Harrod State Park.

The top meth cookers in Mercer County will via for the blue ribbon and go on to represent Harrodsburg in the "Meth Capital of the World" event in September.

"We've got some really good meth cookers and I think that Harrodsburg has a really good shot at being named Meth Capital of the World," said county judge executive Milward Dedman.

The event will kick off at 12 noon on Friday July 8th with a parade that will start in the Harrodsburg Intermediate School parking lot and travel up Main Street to the Beaumont Inn where the contestants will be treated to dinner at The Old Owl Tavern. Mark Powell has been selected as the Grand Marshal of this year's parade.

Friday afternoon there will be a demonstration on how to properly sit up a meth lab, what ingredients you can use and substitute, and how to prevent unwanted safety problems. Francie Chassen-Lopez chair of the history department at the University of Kentucky will be speaking on meth's rich history in Kentucky.

Saturday will be the great smoke off. A panel of judges will sample the different batches of meth and decide who will go on to represent Harrodsburg in September. The judges will be Dr. Earl Motzer, Johnnie Slone, and Alvis Johnson.

Tickets to all events are free. There will be games and prizes for the kids, live bands, folk singers, and a prayer circle sponsored by the Harrodsburg Christian Church.

Anyone wishing to take part in the cook-off may pick up their entry form at city hall, the Harrodsburg Herald, or The Harrodsburg Christian Church. T shirts are available at White Line's Screen Printing and King's Work Graphics.
 

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