To whip or not to whip?

Discussion in 'Home, Auto, Hobby and Computer Tech' started by Concrete Helmet, Sep 8, 2016.

  1. Concrete Helmet

    Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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    Alright I know this is a little off the wall but I could really use some help with my soon to be 9 year old son and his recent behavior. Tuesday after school he had his Black Belts for Christ Jiu Jitsu class which is held at his private school he attends. This was his second class and the first seemed to go alright so I was shocked to find out that he was removed from the class for this past week when after having a meltdown when his team lost he actually lashed out at a junior instructor with his nanchaku's(rubber)......

    We placed him on restriction from any of his after school activity's which mostly include playing with his Ipad and Play Station. We told him it would be several weeks before these priviledges would be returned if he could behave himself and stay out of trouble.....Well today when I picked him up from school I was sure he had been a perfectly behaved student and didn't think to even ask about his day....When we got home I noticed his daily folder was not in his back pack. Well I pried it out of him that he left it on purpose so I wouldn't see that he had gotten Orange for the day on his behavior chart....Orange is the worst and leaves it up to the school to decide the punishment. He confessed that he had called a girl classmate an a$$hole.....

    I'm not sure about the rest of you but I only got whipped with a belt 3 times in my life....it worked for me and other than a few times I stayed out of trouble despite being a average student. Let me say that this really has me perplexed. My son can be a very loving and caring kid who makes mostly A';s and B's in school to a complete freakin hellion that I want to beat in the worst way.He makes me proud as a parent because of the fact that he was diagnosed as Autistic at 2 years old and over the course of almost 7 years has become completely mainstreamed and very much an "average kid"....on the other hand he seems to be easily aggravated when frustrated by people, both adults and kids, and even shows some signs of being manipulative with his Mother and Grandmother.

    I'm not sure what to do here because it really tears his Mothers heart out when he behaves like this and ruins the whole mood of the house afterwards.....
     
    • grengadgy

      grengadgy Well-Known Member
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      Under these circumstances I think the belt is out of the equation but I will leave this to people with experience in this area. Maybe the wisecracks will be minimal.
       
    • NVGator

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      I have 2 boys. 2 1/4 yo and a 3 3/4 yo. I don't know yet what it will be like to have a 9 yo but I am one that will give a quick hit on the butt and send to the room if needed. I haven't given a "spanking" as I would constitute that as being more than 1 swift pop. I also thump on the ear to gain attention.

      Here's my opinion, coming from one who endured multiple whippings, beatings, spankings, paddlings and switchings. It's not the answer. Sure I learned, and learned out of fear, but I was still a mediocre kid that found ways to get into trouble. At this point, I think the way to go is physical labor. Get him out of the house and mow, or rake or wax your Cobra. Make him volunteer time at the county or local shelter. Something that will teach him a lesson out of experience, not fear.
       
      • Concrete Helmet

        Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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        Thanks, but NOBODY and I mean NOBODY touches the GT500....
        Here's most likely what will happen. We have landscapers so he can't mow or rake but there are some weeds growing out of the planters in our pool deck. I'll have him weed those tomorrow when we get home but I already know he'll do everything the opposite of what I tell him so I'll get frustrated and tell him to go back inside.....
         
      • Zambo

        Zambo Poo Flinger
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        I'd go with the nae nae instead.
         
        • Zambo

          Zambo Poo Flinger
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          Seriously, not sure if whipping is the answer but the silent treatment might make an impression. I got whipped as a kid, not often but when it happened it was an eye opener. There was no question afterward that pop was serious about what he was saying. I was also sort of a violent kid. I was small so I didn't bully people, in fact I got bullied myself due to my size. But I wasn't afraid to duke it out when the time came. Was that because I got some whippings? I dunno, its not like I got hit all the time. Probably the only true thing you can say is that no method works the same on all people.
           
          • bradgator2

            bradgator2 Rioting
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            Tough one. Hang in there, the fact that you are asking proves you are a caring father. I think the punishment should be severe. I personally think 9 is too old for a spanking. But you know him better than us. What would really upset him if you took it away or made him do? Pick up trash on the road? Work at soup kitchen? Phone? karate class? Something should make him crindge. How about this.... ask him what he thinks his punishment should be. He might toss something out there that is much worse than what you were thinking. Of course.... he might also say "nothing".
             
            • Lake Gator

              Lake Gator SUBMARINERS GO DEEPER
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              If he admitted to you he called a girl an a-hole, that took some courage and trust on his part. You might ask him why he thought she was derserving of that moniker and the truth could be revealing. His story might even parallel something you experienced as a kid. For a girl, my daughter could be a bit of a troublemaker....it's in the genes. I found talking with her about incidents, acting them out and identifying consequences for all parties, then acting out alternative acceptable solutions worked well. Also, my wife and I kept her busy much like my parents kept me and my six brothers busy playing sports, hiking with the family german shepherd, etc. Anything to burn energy.
               
            • grengadgy

              grengadgy Well-Known Member
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              Crete said that he had a learning disability otherwise I wouldn't spare the punishment . Maybe L-Boy will chime in. I think that he has a son around that age with ADD or ADHD.
               
            • Concrete Helmet

              Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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              I really like the silent treatment.....however I'm the only one of the adults who has the discipline to keep it up long enough to be effective. He finds a way to engage his Mother and especially his Grandmother, who lives with us, so we literally go from being silent and enforcing his punishment to having my Mother in Law walk in behind us and say "can I bring you some juice and a snack, Honey?" :banghead:
               
            • Concrete Helmet

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              He actually learns pretty well and is in the top 1/4 of his class at a mainstream private school. I 've never wanted to treat him different than a child who wasn't on the spectrum because I thought that would hold him back and keep him from being the best he could be. You could spend an hour with my son and might never pick up on the fact that he was diagnosed Autistic.....if you knew he was you would probably look for the signs of it.
              Deep down I think this is more about being spoiled by his Grandmother and Mother than about any condition he might have....
               
            • Concrete Helmet

              Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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              This is the area where I believe we are failing but I just can't seem to find any activity, sports or hobby that he will try more than 10 minutes before wanting to go back in the house.....and play with the Ipad or PlayStation. That was why we signed him up for the after school Jiu Jitsu classes. I think his meltdown was a way of saying "I don't want to do this anymore" I don't know what else to try, we live on a lake so I've tried to get him to like fishing, I've bought him bikes, he won't ride them, a BB hoop, he says I don't like BB, we have a pool so I tell him to swim laps, he doesn't want to... I'm lost and just wondering if a good ass whipping will wake him up/
               
            • NVGator

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              What about buyin him a BB gun?
               
              • G 2

                G 2 Gator Great
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                I agree with Brad that 9 seems old to start spanking a child. Discipline really needs to be consistent for it to be effective. You need to get mom and grandmother on board. If you think a belt whipping would help then give it a try, you know your child better than anyone.

                If the whipping doesn't work, you can always try getting rid of his PS and iPad.
                 
              • MJMGator

                MJMGator Slightly amused
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                My boy is only 2 so I'm not sure how I'd address the situation. I do the same as NV...quick pop on the butt and off to your room, but it's a totally different deal with a much older child. I have heard from several that say find what is most important to them and that's your leverage.
                 
              • Gatordiddy

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                This is a critical age when the communication between a son and a father can either stay somewhat open or go off the rails.
                You really need to stay engaged and keep him talking about why he acted out like that.
                Punishment - like several have said is still needed (something that he values - iPad, game console, etc.) but I would think getting him and keeping him talking is the best way to figure out what's going on in his head.
                It could be something unrelated - and he's just acting out.
                But the key thing is to let him know you're willing to listen to him and that he can come to you if there are issues.
                This is key if you want to keep the lines open when he gets to be a teenager.

                You can better gauge the punishment if you know what the situation is/was.

                I raised four kids and it was tough trying to figure all this stuff out.

                I always liked this quote (even if it's slightly slanted towards military leadership) - I think it still applies to fatherhood:

                [​IMG]
                 
                • LagoonGator68

                  LagoonGator68 mostly peaceful protester
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                  Is he on ADD meds?....

                  Give away or hide the iPad and playstation, permanently.

                  Pee-wee football?

                  Get mom and grandma on board with consistency.

                  This is critical to his having a normal, happy life.....fix it now!
                   
                  • Lake Gator

                    Lake Gator SUBMARINERS GO DEEPER
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                    Does he have any friends or siblings...or a dog? Somebody to share experiences with when you and mom aren't available?
                     
                  • LagoonGator68

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                    Bingo....he will always prefer the iPad or playstation.....do away with them and the TV limited to 1 hour per day....he will have no choice but to go outside and play....

                    Whipping is the easy way out and wrongheaded at this late date in his development. He is manipulating.....no shiit, it's what children do....

                    You ain't seen nothing yet...get on top of it or it will stay on top of you! Raising children is not a democracy and it ain't easy.
                     
                    • GatorJ

                      GatorJ Hopeful
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                      I'm anti-hitting. It doesn't work to use violence to curb or prevent bad behavior. You're on the right path with restricting access to things. And sometimes I have to get really loud to get my point across to my kids (more for shock value) - but I have found that if I talk to my kids and really dig into why they are making certain decisions - there's a reason. Many times they are less likely to divulge it because I'm not asking the right questions but it just takes practice and patience.

                      And sometimes they're just more comfortable telling their mother. Kids have a lot of feelings and emotions and sometimes just don't have the fortitude to express them properly. Hell most adults can't do it.

                      As long as you can help them navigate it they'll be fine.
                       

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