To whip or not to whip?

Discussion in 'Home, Auto, Hobby and Computer Tech' started by Concrete Helmet, Sep 8, 2016.

  1. LagoonGator68

    LagoonGator68 mostly peaceful protester
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    Ah ha!
     
  2. stephenPE

    stephenPE Senior Member
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    People with experience are not a bad resource..........of course you consult professionals................
     
  3. L-boy

    L-boy Senior Member
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    I find with any such forums, the usefulness is that you can sometimes get ideas that you may not have thought of. 90% of the feedback won't be directly applicable to your situation, but there may be 10% that is helpful that you never thought of.
     
  4. Gatordiddy

    Gatordiddy Engorged Member
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    :sadnanner: ...and yet I hang on every word when you dissect our defensive schemes, ruminate about our recruiting deficiencies and pontificate on the shortcomings of our offensive line.
     
  5. Concrete Helmet

    Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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    Welp back to the drawing board...he got Orange today for not paying attention and talking back when he was ask to.....f vck me.....
     
  6. Concrete Helmet

    Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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    I'm a first time Father Law, even though I inherited 2 older step kids who are now 27 and 23,They were 16 & 12 when I came into their lives and for the most part really good kids. I've never raised a young one. I take all and any advice when it comes to anything I admit that I'm not experienced at....Otherwise I think I know everything :rotfl:....Anyway being from a family of 5 kids myself we got an ass whipping when we did really bad stuff and I'm almost glad because it kept me out of trouble even though I was a lazy smartass kid for the most part....It probably kept me from going to Juvie or worse as some of my friends did....I'm running out of options and searching for something so I'm all ears.
     
  7. Swamp Donkey

    Swamp Donkey That's the sound your mother made last night
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    Counselor? Pastor? Trained professional? At least a real person, that you actual know and can verify their expertise?

    Not a bunch of internet freaks? I'm just sayin'.
     
  8. LagoonGator68

    LagoonGator68 mostly peaceful protester
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    Send the MIL to live with your wife's sibling.
     
  9. Concrete Helmet

    Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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    Sh!t....I've been "suggesting" a condo of her own for a couple years now. Whenever we talk to her about it she gets very ill and ends up in the Hospital dying of some mysterious disease.....then she's as nice as can be for about 3 or 4 months then turns into a PITA again....rinse and repeat 3 times now.
     
  10. LagoonGator68

    LagoonGator68 mostly peaceful protester
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    Whose life more important, her or your son?
     
  11. ufgator812

    ufgator812 Duke of Marlborough
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    Right after sketchy dude in van with candy and box of puppies.
     
    • L-boy

      L-boy Senior Member
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      I hope I am wrong, but you may find that this type of thing just doesn't go away. To be honest, while these behaviors are not acceptable for a normal kid with a decent upbringing, they aren't necessarily uncommon with kids that have certain types of autism, mood disorder, severe ADHD, etc. At some point you find that they are trying to maintain a ridiculously high standard for a kid with special issues, and the cycle just gets worse. The fact that you are receiving feedback that your special needs kid is "not paying attention" or "talking back" seems rather over the top to me. Typically I have found that teachers that are trained with these types of kids don't need to raise the red flag every time they go over the line a little.

      Is your kid 504 and have you gone through ARD meetings (that is what they are called in TX, not sure in FL)? Once a kid is designated as special needs, then the academic and behavioral plan is adapted to his individual needs. You may not be there yet, but you could end up there. It is kind of a protection for him - a regular kid does certain things and may be severe consequences, suspension, even expulsion. One you are designated special needs, the standards are modified accordingly.
       
    • Concrete Helmet

      Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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      lol....that's what I think of when I think of "professionals" such as Doctors, Pastors and such....usually the ones caught fiddling with the young ones...
       
    • Concrete Helmet

      Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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      I appreciate your input, honestly L Boy, however my biggest hurdle is not my sons mental being....He is about 90% mainstream and is perfectly capable of knowing right from wrong. My biggest issue is a 72 year old adult who today admitted that she has tried to undermine everything I've tried to teach my son because in her opinion I'm to tough on him......He even cursed Donald Trump this evening and I assure you he didn't get that from me....
      Out of curiosity and I'm not being argumentative or judging you but have you ever held your children to mainstream standards? I took a tour of a County run program for Autistic children when my son was 3 years old and then and there decided I would rather him struggle with performing as a mainstream child in a mainstream environment than let him settle as a "special needs" child held to different standards....so far it's been a wonderful choice. He has friends, does better than average academically even being at a private school, and until recently has had about an 80% good day to bad day behavioral pattern...I'm just not ready to throw 5 years of what has worked away when all he may need is a little push to get over this bar instead of lowering it.

      Again, I'm not judging how you or anyone else raises their children and I really do appreciate any input or responses here.
       
      #54 Concrete Helmet, Sep 13, 2016
      Last edited: Sep 13, 2016
    • L-boy

      L-boy Senior Member
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      Then it sounds like you have an issue with the MIL, not the kid. If the MIL is the issue, why even consider spanking your kid?

      As to my kids and mainstream standards, the story is different to each. My daughter had issues from 3 years old. Kicked out of 2 preschools. By first grade designated as 504 and put in social adjustment (SAC) after repeated behavioral issues and finally hitting another girl in the face that was teasing her. Mainstream was no longer an option. She was clearly an outlier. Of the fairly small number of kids in those classes they are rarely female. There were no special strategies that was going to fix a kid with extreme impulse and anger control problems. We took her to psychologists and psychiatrists by the time she was 5.

      Around her 4th grade they started mainstreaming the special Ed kids as much as possible. Middle school started out as very rough, still in SAC, but by 8th grade she was functioning pretty much normally and pretty much mainstreamed. Last year she started high school 9th grade and decided she wanted to be taken out of SAC. She is still 504 technically but receives no special services or preferences at this point, totally mainstreamed and this year she is trying some pre AP courses. We still deal with issues at home but she has learned to control her behaviors at school.

      As to our son, he too has done ABA a couple of different times in life. He is considered a "high functioning" autistic (low normal range IQ) but has significant learning deficits and is not aspergers. He is in 7th grade in SAC and receives a specialized education. Last year - first year of middle school -was horrible, this year so far much better, mainly due to new and better teacher. Holding him to mainstream standards is just not an option for him, neither academically or behaviorally. Every year that goes by the academic and maturity gap between regular kids grows. He would participate in some mainstream classes up to last year but had to be taken out due to severe behavioral issues plus the fact that the academic gap was becoming too big. He is 12, and too soon to tell, but I suspect he is going to need at least some level of assistance for most of his life.
       
      #55 L-boy, Sep 14, 2016
      Last edited: Sep 14, 2016
    • Concrete Helmet

      Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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      It's a tough position because she lives with us and despite both his mother and me advising her to stay on the same page as far as discipline she just seems hell bent on doing what she always does which is to spare the rod and spoil the child. The woman would literally still be putting him in a high chair and spoon feeding him if it were up to her.

      The problem with this is it leads to him being disrespectful to his mother. I've also noticed that he seems to be more disrespectful when it comes to females in general, mom, teachers and even his older sister, who is 27 with a 3 year old child herself, all seem to bring out the worse in him. The only female I haven't noticed it with is his ABA Therapist because she will enforce the proper behavior. He really doesn't do it to me because I will also enforce the rules and won't listen to whining.

      I think parents in general should expect their children to have a few stumbles upon going back to school at the beginning of the school year and especially if they are entering a new school. In my sons case he has spent most of the summer home with his Grandmother playing electronics and being catered to by her. I'm hoping this is the case and he will slowly start to readjust to the rigors of a long school day. He has mentioned he finds it hardest to pay attention later in the day. Maybe he needs to rebuild his endurance? I don't know but he's not being overwhelmed with schoolwork at this point as most of it looks to be a refresher of what he learned in 2nd grade. He also has less homework in general this year except when he doesn't finish his classwork.

      One other factor is that his school has grown quite a bit since he started in Kindergarten .He's gone from being in a classroom with 8 or 9 then to 16 this year. Because of the fact that almost all of the schools in our district are failing schools a lot of the new kids are from these schools and going here on vouchers. There are a few kids, 2 or 3, that are in continual trouble and being sent to the Dean almost everyday. This is something completely new and I'm trying to send a message to my son that this is unacceptable and if he behaves this way he will be kicked out as they probably will.

      .
       
    • L-boy

      L-boy Senior Member
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      Well good luck. My son tends to respond somewhat better with male teachers. Last year he had a lady who was a hard ass and nit picked him to death and he would just go over the top. This year they have an African American guy who is 6 ft 6 and seems to have a calm demeanor and he seems to be doing much better. Part of it is the guy is more of an authoritative figure, but the other part is this guy lets the minor stuff slide and focuses on the bigger issues. But like your son, my son does fine with his female speech therapist who deals with these type kids all the time. It is all in the approach.

      If it gets to the point of your kid getting kicked out you probably should consider 504 status. It gives your kid more protection. We left our daughter 504 even though she needs no accomdation or services at the moment. It just gives her protection if things spiral out of control.

      Yes I understand the MIL is the problem but most normal kids won't get kicked out of school because their grandmother spoils them. Fact is he will be exposed to lots of different people and people won't always do what is best for him. I know early on my thoughts were that if we could just get everybody to do everything exactly right then it would all get better. But in time I learned that isn't a realistic expectation.
       
      #57 L-boy, Sep 14, 2016
      Last edited: Sep 14, 2016
    • Concrete Helmet

      Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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      Good advice and I'll keep that in mind. I don't think he's to the point of getting kicked out but I don't want it to come to that because public school won't be the best option for him. He's more of a big fish in a little pond. He has a young female teacher this year and she seems to be easy going but we are meeting with her tomorrow morning to go over things.

      I should probably let you know that as far as the MIL goes it is not even so much about spoiling my son as it is to get her way. She and I have been at odds for years and she uses my child as a way to almost get even with me. Since she has no life and almost never leaves the house she will dwell on things and stew until it spills over into everyone else's life in the house. The only time the woman has ever gotten out of bed before 11.00AM was to call me an a$$hole one morning when I was leaving for work....I kid you not...So what I've decided is from now on instead of taking him home after school, unless he has therapy, I'll bring him back to the office with me where he can either do his homework in quiet or help me with chores around the office, shredding paper or filing, those sorts of things...

      Something I learned many years ago while doing commercial pest control was to get rid of a problem most times you've got to get rid of the source...Since I can't legally do that :lol:, I'll just have to keep him away from the source as much as possible.
       
    • L-boy

      L-boy Senior Member
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      So he isn't in public school? I guess I missed that. If the private school is working, great. The challenge with private schools is if your kids act out, often they just get booted, where the bar is much lower in public.

      Sorry the MIL is such a head case. It certainly doesn't help. Totally agree, the best thing you can do is to avoid the source of the bad behaviors. Sometimes however that isn't always possible.
       
      • stephenPE

        stephenPE Senior Member
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        Gotcha a book to read, LB. My daughter gave it to me for Christmas just started reading again, Got caught up in all my library books. Lots of case studies but TONS of history. [​IMG]
        http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/23/books/review/neurotribes-by-steve-silberman.html

        YOur library probably has it. I think it was written in 2015
        This was the intro to chapter six: "Write me a creature that thinks as well as a man or better than a man but does not think like a man." I just say my son is from Mars.
         

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