Good Lord, all that stuff is crap. I'm not sure what they do to it. Sour cream maybe (to cut costs?). If that was all I'd every had, I'd probably think guac sucks too.
The answer is my wife does, but I don't know what she does. One of our American-Mex friends taught her. (She made the most incredible homemade tortillas.) Fresh avacado, lots of onion and cilantro. Not sure what else. There are probably 1000 recipes for guac.
With access to fresh homemade, tortillas, avacado, and machaca, I could probably get very fat. Just thinking about it makes me want to roadtrip to the southwest.