Explosive Diarrhea Links Peyton Manning, Major Athletes To Doping Ring

[bradgator2]

Zambo posted that story in the old pooping thread. It deserves a Pulitzer.

 

[TN G8tr]

This post deserves its own thread in the Saloon. Name the thread something like Sometimes pooping is like giving birth.
There are plenty of folks on here that would love to share.

I will never forget that post. All time classic.

 

[TN G8tr]

Ironic Ox told his story today. I thought I had to pass normal gas today. Very routine business as I am in a private office, so I can just let it go without worry.

Immediately upon expel, something didnt feel quite right. I quickly tried to shut it down, but it was too late. To my surprise, it was not gas... It was explosive diarrhea. Which was really odd, because there were no warning signs.

Luckily, a private bathroom is right next to my office. I quickly sprint in there unnoticed. First things first, I had to finish what I started. As I am sitting there, it gives me a good chance to examine my underwear. What I thought was a little squirt, was actually a terrible exorcism. Salvage was not possible. By the grace of God, nothing leaked through to my pants. Cleaning up my bum took the entire roll of TP. Luckily, the trash can has a plastic bag in it. So I could wrap all the evidence. I threw the bag in the trash can in a coworker's office I cant stand.

The rest of today, I was obviously commando. When I get home, my wife follows me the the closet where I am changing. The look on her face when she saw I had on no underwear was priceless.

 

[Detroitgator]

Yeah, because NO player has EVER had drugs shipped to his wife! Oh, wait, nevermind...

 

[crosscreekcooter]

 

[crosscreekcooter]

Ironic Ox told his story today. I thought I had to pass normal gas today. Very routine business as I am in a private office, so I can just let it go without worry.

Immediately upon expel, something didnt feel quite right. I quickly tried to shut it down, but it was too late. To my surprise, it was not gas... It was explosive diarrhea. Which was really odd, because there were no warning signs.

Luckily, a private bathroom is right next to my office. I quickly sprint in there unnoticed. First things first, I had to finish what I started. As I am sitting there, it gives me a good chance to examine my underwear. What I thought was a little squirt, was actually a terrible exorcism. Salvage was not possible. By the grace of God, nothing leaked through to my pants. Cleaning up my bum took the entire roll of TP. Luckily, the trash can has a plastic bag in it. So I could wrap all the evidence. I threw the bag in the trash can in a coworker's office I cant stand.

The rest of today, I was obviously commando. When I get home, my wife follows me the the closet where I am changing. The look on her face when she saw I had on no underwear was priceless.

I was kind of hoping this was going to have some exotic sexual ending.

 

[Durty South Swamp]

This is a true story that happened to me on October 12, 2007.

At 5:30 that evening, I left work. I was so anxious to get out of there I had been ignoring some minor stomach pains I was having.

That would prove to be a mistake.

Thirty seconds after I left the office, the first stomach cramp hit me like a wrecking ball. I gritted my teeth against the pain. At that point, I began to get alarmed, as I knew it was going to take me 15 minutes to get home. However, my arrogance never allowed me to consider turning back. I mean, this is oxrageous you’re talking about – I knew I’d make it.

The following 15 minutes were some of the longest of my life. Stabbing pains came and went. I stared straight ahead, my elbows locked, my face cheesy white. I wondered over and over if this was what labor pains felt like. My bowels would clench and unclench, and I was using every muscle I had down there to hold everything in.

The last minute of the trip was a nightmare. The look on my face was of a man trying to lift a piano. There was a moment or two where I honestly thought I was going to empty everything into my front seat.

I flew into my garage, nearly taking the roof off my Jeep on the rising garage door. I jumped out of the car without bothering to take the keys out of the ignition, and staggered into the house.

This is where it gets REALLY scary, as walking upright made the problem quite a bit worse. Whatever was in there (and it felt like a 30-pound ground turkey) was going to come out whether I liked it or not - I wasn't going to get a vote. As the bathroom came into view, only my butt cheeks were holding the offensive substance out – my anus had finally surrendered.

As I stumbled into the bathroom, I saw with horror that the seat was up – I really didn’t think I even had time to put it down. Somehow I managed to drop the seat and my pants at the same time. Everything began evacuating itself as I was in mid-air, my bum headed for the bowl.

It was a dead heat.

Incredibly, there was no spillage either in my drawers, the floor, the ceiling, or the wall. Somehow, I had pulled it off. I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments.

I sat there a full ten minutes, my face buried in my hands, sweating heavily. I felt like I had given birth.

I laughed, quite loudly.

 

[Gator98MD]

Ok heres my story:
I was a third year medical student living in Hoboken, NJ and doing rotations in Brooklyn, NY. This trip requires 2 different train rides (PAth train from NJ and then MTA to brooklyn) to arrive. The path obviously runs beneath the Hudson to get to manhattan and then MTA under east river to get to brooklyn all the while with many stops in between. Well I was 5 mins into trip when the cramps and anal puckering started. Like others, I thought I could wait it out and it make to my rotation site in Brooklyn. As most know who have ridden trains, getting off and finding a bathroom is a major gamble as opposed to just getting to my stop and slaying a crappers location that I know.
The problem with hospitals up there is that there are not many restrooms available. Well by some miracle I am able to hold it in until I get to my stop, although I had completely drenched my shirt and tie with sweat from the effort. I make a mad dash to the crappers that I know exist. ALL Freaking occupied. These bathroom are one bangers by the way. I was actually so desperate I banged on the doors imploring them to hurry up. No dice. Anyway, knowing that I was out of time, I found a supply closet that had a sink, a garbage can and pepr towels to stock the bathroom was unable to get into. I chose the garbage can that had a plastic liner to unleash my bowels. I will never forget that total fear and agony at the though that I may **** my pants, in the hospital, on a rotation, with no change of clothes, and 45 mins and 2 train rides from home
Its crazy how our bowels can utterly own us.

 

[Durty South Swamp]

hahahaha

 

[NVGator]

Ironic Ox told his story today. I thought I had to pass normal gas today. Very routine business as I am in a private office, so I can just let it go without worry.

Immediately upon expel, something didnt feel quite right. I quickly tried to shut it down, but it was too late. To my surprise, it was not gas... It was explosive diarrhea. Which was really odd, because there were no warning signs.

Luckily, a private bathroom is right next to my office. I quickly sprint in there unnoticed. First things first, I had to finish what I started. As I am sitting there, it gives me a good chance to examine my underwear. What I thought was a little squirt, was actually a terrible exorcism. Salvage was not possible. By the grace of God, nothing leaked through to my pants. Cleaning up my bum took the entire roll of TP. Luckily, the trash can has a plastic bag in it. So I could wrap all the evidence. I threw the bag in the trash can in a coworker's office I cant stand.

The rest of today, I was obviously commando. When I get home, my wife follows me the the closet where I am changing. The look on her face when she saw I had on no underwear was priceless.

Tears. Absolute tears running down my face.

 

[rogdochar]

Ironic Ox told his story today. I thought I had to pass normal gas today. Very routine business as I am in a private office, so I can just let it go without worry.

In Europe in the 1800s there was a medical doctor who learned to pass gas on command.
He actually quit medical practice and filled concert halls demonstrating his instrument.
(Law, bet you're gonna say I made up that story, but I'm sure it's googleable.)

 

[bradgator2]

Le Petomane. It actually wasnt gas. That dude had an incredible gift of sucking in and blowing out air through his bhole. Reminds me of the kazoo player.

 

[ReelGatorDoc]

Let's see what Papa John's does with his love of Peyton. That will be telling in the whole scandal

 

[Durty South Swamp]

Media has already gone full cover mode for him, ala bill cosby the last 20 years. Nothing's going to happen. Lou Holtz was on the tv yesterday swearing he was the second coming of the Christ child. Embarrasing.

 

[rogdochar]

Let's see what Papa John's does with his love of Peyton. That will be telling in the whole scandal

Being a consultant for certain NY advertising firms, I got a preliminary viewing of
the latest Peyton-Papa John commercial. = visualize Peyton fixing to pop the Pizza-slice
into his wide-open mouth with Papa John sprinkling Parmesan PED atop it. ??