My child...you can have that when....

[TLB]

So, the discussion in PF that held a tangent on letting kids go to the bathroom alone (hinging on common sense, that unfortunately is not too common)....it led me to make remarks about how different generations are viewing children differently.


Do you have (quasi) defined ages for your kids to have or do certain things? There obviously is no 'right' answer, just opinions. However the diversity may give you solace in your opinion being sane or drive you to question the sanity of those around you. The only real answer is 'it depends.' But I figured to put this out for discussion anyway.



For example, my 10 yr old daughter wants a phone - primarily to facetime with grandparents, but to also be able to call mom-dad when needed. These are real reasons, she isn't a BSer trying to get the latest iPhone (though she wouldn't turn one down). However, I don't trust her not to lose anything worth more than $5 (anything under $5 is just as likely to be lost, but more easily replaced - she's just like her father). We may cave and get her a TracPhone that can essentially only call mom-dad until she proves responsibility, but this is being somewhat forced by the transition to middle school and after school activities where she'll need to call to be picked up at times. Otherwise, we'd determined to make her wait until 13-ish to get a hand-me-down smartphone.

This is also a reflection of today's generation. They are doing State Assessment exams, and kids have to turn in their phones prior to taking the exam. This is 3rd and 4th graders, mind you. And nearly half the kids have such devices.

When do you feel it is appropriate for a kid to have a phone? Dumbphone or Smartphone?

------

My wife was teaching Pre-K when a kid mentioned having an i-Pad, and my wife questioned them to clarify if it was the family i-Pad. No, it was the kid's device. A kid aged 4-5 yrs old. So she asked the class how many had i-Pads, and 75-85% of the kids raised their hands.

Both my kids (ages 10 and 7) have tablets. However, they each got one when they turned 6, it was a cheap (replaceable) device, and is kept in a protective case. Furthermore, it is one of several choices they have for their limited electronics time (the others being on the PC, on TV, etc). The neighbor down the street with a 7 yr old in my son's class, that kid is on her i-Pad for hours, daily, and has been since she was 3-4 yrs old. He social skills are limited.

Point here is - tablets. Do you have an opinion on when kids should get 'em, and what kind to get, etc.? Do you think today's society reflects your opinion....or you are an aging relic with your views?

 

[heavychevy]

ive got young children, 2.5 and 1. the older one is in to certain tv show's but not much more than one show and shes up ready to do something else. she has a leap frog pad type thing but doesn't know how to work it other than turn it on and off over and over. I personally think staring at a screen as a kid for an unlimited amount of time for entertainment is going to seriously hamper social skills at a time when most are learned. it they're being productive with mind teaser games its one thing, but sitting in front of the vastness of youtube, especially without parent blocks is dangerous for anyone under 15 or so.

 

[bradgator2]

Mine are 9 and 7.

For phones, my 9 year has always wanted a phone because all her friends have one. Based on our life, there is simply no reason. Now, if she walked to school or waited at a bus stop... then that would be different a situation. I think we'll consider something when we think it necessary for her safety. I dont know when that will be. For my 7 year old, she could care less.

I've briefly talked about tablets before. Both of mine have had kindle fires for as long as I can remember. They have a couple of games on them, lots of music, and streaming video (all monitored of course). The kindles dont leave the house except for a long car drive.

They are both incredible on the PC. We did put them in technology magnet school. For some strange reason, they love putting together powerpoint presentations about stuff.

My big thing is when to become unplugged. Dinner as a family is required with no electronics of any kind... for anyone. We are talking 30 minutes here. Absolutely off limits when we are at a restaurant too. They are not going to play on my phone while we are waiting for food. Let's play tic-tac-toe or something. They are required to interact with the waiter/waitress to order and ask questions. There is no tv in their rooms. No gaming consoles. On the weekend and after school... they are to go outside. Luckily, they are old enough now and I live in a place where they can outside 100% unsupervised. Of course, I bought a place specifically for that luxury.

Technology is always moving, we have to adapt as parents because our kids will certainly be exposed to it. But limits must be set. There must be a time to unplug and be together as a family. They have to know how to interact with other adults with manners. There must be a time when they learn that gravity hurts. That they shouldnt stand in an ant pile. That building a ramp up the concrete culvert is probably a bad idea. And that they are sisters... we had the 2nd one to play with the 1st one.

 

[LagoonGator68]

One of the best bumper stickers, ever.

"Shoot Your TV"

 

[MJMGator]

Mine is going to have to start looking for a job on his next birthday (June 28).

 

[MJMGator]

All kidding aside, my son has had an iPad since he was about 18 months old. His grandpa gave him his when he upgraded. He uses it about 15-20 minutes a day...mostly right before bedtime when he's done whooping ass for the day, has eaten and had a bath. YouTube videos of nursery rhymes, funny kids/animals and lots of puzzle type kid apps is all he does with it, but it's amazing how quickly he learns things.

 

[playzwtrux]

Mine is going to have to start looking for a job on his next birthday (June 28).

I have found with my 17 y/o that looking for a job, and getting one are two different things.... so, until he gets that job, his phone (that I pay for) is mine, and sitting on the night stand next to my bed. It doesn't help that when he goes to his moms (every other week) he is not held accountable for anything. It sux being the only parent.



As far as everything else goes, I agree with what both TLB & Brad have said, although my youngest (8) has not had a tablet for as long as I can remember. He received his first tablet Christmas a year ago, a month before he turned 7. The older two do not have tablets, just phones (but who needs a tablet with what a phone can do anyway).

 

[MJMGator]

I have found with my 17 y/o that looking for a job, and getting one are two different things....

Damn, maybe I should have him start looking now. He's gonna have to get potty-trained real quick!

 

[URGatorBait]

My stepdaughter is about to turn 14. She gets the hand me down phones when we upgrade. She's going to have a bad ass phone next go round lol.
She didn't get a phone until mid 2015 though, so a little after she turned 13.
She already had access to my wife's old iPhone 4s, and she used in anywhere she could get wifi, because it was not connected to a mobile plan.
Then my Note 4 decided to go swimming in the Halifax river
We were already considering making her phone live anyway, so adding that line gave me an opportunity to get a new phone for cheaper and activating the iphone she had already.
Now my wife just upgraded to the s7 edge, so the kid go her old phone, a galaxy S5, and she loves it, and she was a stickler for iphone before she got it.

I would say when depends on the kid and their responsibility level. Middle school is about the time to test it out. My stepdaughter has done surprisingly well in taking care of her phones, so I'm happy about that.

 

[TLB]

He uses it about 15-20 minutes a day...mostly right before bedtime when he's done whooping ass for the day, has eaten and had a bath. YouTube videos of nursery rhymes, funny kids/animals and lots of puzzle type kid apps is all he does with it, but it's amazing how quickly he learns things.

The kid's grandpa?


j/k.

But I'd recommend it not 'right before bedtime' as there is a lot of talk about avoiding electronic devices before bed, something about the light effecting the brain's sense of being awake vs going to sleep. We always do story time right before bed with real books. Electronics are middle of the day, after school and homework, and bedtime is focused on relaxing.

I also write this knowing that no matter how tired I may be in the afternoon or evening, I can sit in front of the computer for 7+ hrs instead of going to bed, as if my brain forgets I'm tired and just wants to stay with the device. And, I'm dealing with a child who has sleep issues - luckily she loves to read, so when she has anxiety at night about not sleeping, we give her a book (to distract her mind from anxiety) and talk to her about listening to her body on when it's ready to go to sleep. It just seems that with a device, you don't have that connection to your body; but with a book, you have that connection and awareness. Moreover, it's re-enforcing that routine of book-read-sleep.

 

[TLB]

I have found with my 17 y/o that looking for a job, and getting one are two different things

A CAR. I see a j-o-b being the only real impetus to drive kids to get a car these days. Many of the age eligible teens I know prefer not to get their license, much less get a car. Maybe that's a related to over doting parents who continue to drive their kids everywhere even if the kid is old enough. Yeah, there is a level of protectionism for the parents in knowing where the kid is and that they can't go elsewhere (though they'll find a way if the really want)...but it is also restricting a kid's chance to gain responsibility and develop. I recall my car, and the freedom it provided, enabled me to learn a lot more about Gainesville as explored streets and roads around the county. It also taught me what landmarks, stores, and resources could be found in different areas of town; and how to navigate from place to place using my brain, the sun, and my surroundings.

For my kids, I'm (currently) all in favor of them having a car once they are age eligible. The intent is that it be a cheap beater car, so any dents or scratches don't matter. And the intent is that the kid provides half the money - want a better car, save more money. They'll have responsibility for all related costs (insurance, gas, etc), and accountability (where are you going, when are you returning). However, I'm eager for them to have this freedom, and more importantly to master the associated responsibility, ASAP. They may not desire getting a car until they need one to get to-from their job, so I'm in favor of them getting one of those as well at the earliest possible time.

 

[playzwtrux]

A CAR. I see a j-o-b being the only real impetus to drive kids to get a car these days. Many of the age eligible teens I know prefer not to get their license, much less get a car. Maybe that's a related to over doting parents who continue to drive their kids everywhere even if the kid is old enough. Yeah, there is a level of protectionism for the parents in knowing where the kid is and that they can't go elsewhere (though they'll find a way if the really want)...but it is also restricting a kid's chance to gain responsibility and develop. I recall my car, and the freedom it provided, enabled me to learn a lot more about Gainesville as explored streets and roads around the county. It also taught me what landmarks, stores, and resources could be found in different areas of town; and how to navigate from place to place using my brain, the sun, and my surroundings.

For my kids, I'm (currently) all in favor of them having a car once they are age eligible. The intent is that it be a cheap beater car, so any dents or scratches don't matter. And the intent is that the kid provides half the money - want a better car, save more money. They'll have responsibility for all related costs (insurance, gas, etc), and accountability (where are you going, when are you returning). However, I'm eager for them to have this freedom, and more importantly to master the associated responsibility, ASAP. They may not desire getting a car until they need one to get to-from their job, so I'm in favor of them getting one of those as well at the earliest possible time.

again, I agree with you.

my 17 y/o is learning that w/o a job he ain't getting no car, or cash. he has all these "things" he wants to do, but is finding that he don't have the dough to do them.
I was at the DL office the day I turned 16 to get my license. my daughter is that way too (she'll turn 16 in July), but my son was almost 17 before he finally got his.

 

[bradgator2]

The kid's grandpa?


j/k.

But I'd recommend it not 'right before bedtime' as there is a lot of talk about avoiding electronic devices before bed, something about the light effecting the brain's sense of being awake vs going to sleep. We always do story time right before bed with real books. Electronics are middle of the day, after school and homework, and bedtime is focused on relaxing.

I also write this knowing that no matter how tired I may be in the afternoon or evening, I can sit in front of the computer for 7+ hrs instead of going to bed, as if my brain forgets I'm tired and just wants to stay with the device. And, I'm dealing with a child who has sleep issues - luckily she loves to read, so when she has anxiety at night about not sleeping, we give her a book (to distract her mind from anxiety) and talk to her about listening to her body on when it's ready to go to sleep. It just seems that with a device, you don't have that connection to your body; but with a book, you have that connection and awareness. Moreover, it's re-enforcing that routine of book-read-sleep.

FYI... the Kindle Fire's have a blue light reduction tool for the evening.