Sandusky

[Jenny On The Railroad]

What is suprising, and depressing, to me is how much of this has occurred and gone unnoticed and continues to be so in this day and age. I had a good friend growing up who confided in me she was molested as a child. And one of my early 20's girlfriends at one point admitted to me she was molested as a 6yr old by her 12yr old cousin, then raped as a 13yr old by her then-boyfriend. It breaks my heart for people to live with this, and makes me have quite violent thoughts of payback for those that did this to them. These women were strong and fairly recovered from those earlier experiences, but they shouldn't have happened in the first place.

My big focus now is how to ensure my kids are protected from such opportunities, and how to make them aware it exists and how to stay safe without scaring the bejeezus out of them. Then, I'd wonder how to make them strong enough to look out for their friends, to notice any signs they see without becoming over reactive to wrong indicators. Bottom line, it sucks kids need to be educated on this and it isn't easy to do - however one cannot assume they can always be there to protect the kids. Kids need to know.

I generally consider myself a good and kind man. But these types of perpetrators I cannot abide, and I have extreme thoughts on retribution against them.

That's part of the reason I wrote. Not all of the time, but some of the time, the abuse is perpetrated by people abused themselves. Like the experience with your friend from your 20's, I had a childhood male friend I had reconnected with tell me about sexual abuse. Similar age differences 6 and 12 and a cousin. . At later times as he spoke of one parent's family, it was clear that his perpetrator had almost surely been abused by a family member (dad. I think) because the extended family was aware of that family member's inclination. It helped me a lot, to remember as I was around the precious male children that came in, that the men I was tempted to judge so harshly had, according to the histories told to me, probably been very much like these boys, and you can almost bet they were following a grooming pattern done to them.

Some people are sociopaths/psychopaths and by definition so wounded, destroyed, or missing something and self defended down very very deep, that they cannot bear to even consider acknowledging what they do to others, much less be able to generate empathy. These people sadly, are pretty much beyond redemption, and you have read my railings at and about JW probably.

However, not everyone is like that. I know very little, especially now, about sexual abuse therapies and success, so I draw mostly on experience with physical abuse and unfortunate interactions with sociopaths. I can easily say, once I had some idea of the background, most of the abusers were people I could see as victims themselves. The generational cycle of violence stuff was unfolded into my awareness case after case after case, ad nauseum.. At the time, the therapy interventions for abusers were pretty nonexistent, except for one fairly young program that was underway in the NW, and the results were encouraging. Atlanta was in the process of patterning a program after that when I left the area.I worked in Cobb county, which actually had one of the first programs. Atlanta's started afterward
Resources and options across the nation were slim..

There were a couple of guys though, that I wouldn't have minded getting killed. Unfortunately, they seemed to have have their local law enforcement terrorized as well as their wives and abused children. In one situation, the woman was not even ambivalent, which was extremely uncommon-( want the person but don't want the abuse) she just wanted far away. The boy, a nine year old diabetic was bruised, the 15 yr old girl, let us know indirectly she was being raped ( no one really dealt with these things then, her hope was to marry ASAP and get out). I went to the county family services where I slightly knew the one child abuse worker (1 worker for the county). She checked with their county family services and told me they didn't take the woman seriously and weren't going to investigate and didn't believe her because she had failed to show up for some appointments. ( which is hard to do when you and the kids are chained and you probably don't have transportation). This guy , who had a prison record, was seriously violent and murderous as well as a repeat sexual abuser. ( Yeah, I know, why marry a guy like that. Fear maybe. A decision she and the kids paid dearly for)

However, Sandusky's son is quite possibly a victim as well. Doesn't mean you have to like him or trust him around kids, but it can help one's own well being to remember you might be seeing some of the down the line damage from the time he was a child. Doesn't undo the damage to the current victim either.

 

[PaulDrake]

At what point does Mrs. Sandusky hit the reality switch on what her husband was and still is? At this point I'm not sure who is more disturbed Sandusky or the wife who is so deluded she can't see it and was an incredible enabler.....

 

[TLB]

It helped me a lot, to remember as I was around the precious male children that came in, that the men I was tempted to judge so harshly had, according to the histories told to me, probably been very much like these boys, and you can almost bet they were following a grooming pattern done to them.

....but it can help one's own well being to remember you might be seeing some of the down the line damage from the time he was a child. Doesn't undo the damage to the current victim either.

I get what you're saying and appreciate your perspective and reminder that what happens today may be largely due to things that happened to current perpetrators long ago. I can concede that had someone not been abused in their youth, there may be a greater likelihood they aren't the abuser today. However, my revulsion to this act is stronger than any thought of sympathy I could have for a perp in viewing them as also a victim. Ultimately, someone makes a choice - how they weigh their options can be heavily influenced by their experience and upbringing - but ultimately, they make a choice on what they do to others, and for that I believe in very strong consequences.

 

[Albert]

Nothing boils my blood more than this. I am a parent of young children. I won't tolerate this kind of behavior and I don't give 2 shyts about what causes pedophilia. Know this: anyone who harms my kids won't believe what I'll do in return, even while I'm doing it.

 

[T REX]

http://www.espn.com/college-footbal...rustee-little-sympathy-jerry-sandusky-victims

 

[MJMGator]

http://www.espn.com/college-footbal...rustee-little-sympathy-jerry-sandusky-victims

Dumbass is up for re-election. What do you think his odds are of remaining a trustee?

 

[Concrete Helmet]

Homosexuality, on the other hand, is most certainly genetic. Literally every gay person I've ever known (and I've known quite a few), have said they always felt that way. It's also sexual behavior between two consenting adults. Do you remember the day you decided you liked women, or was it always what you were attracted to? Now apply that same exact logic to a homosexual.

********.....it is a fanatical deviant perversion that has been glorified by Hollywood and entertainment and made OK over the last 30 or so years....plain and simple.

 

[gardnerwebbgator]

Dumbass is up for re-election. What do you think his odds are of remaining a trustee?

Knowing those dumb baby rapers up in Happy Valley, he wins in a landslide and becomes chair. Auburn should be ashamed for signing a home/home in football with them.

 

[Doopree]

Let's not assume anything here.....Innocent until proven guilty....

 

[GatorTAG]

Damn, there's a lot of pedophilia pain in this thread. I think half of you guys must have been abused at some point.

 

[GatorJ]

If you don't want to read all this true story, at least read the last paragraph that's in red.

Back in 1955 our neighborhood had 10 kids (5-girls, 5-boys) all near the same age (6 to 10). We would daily all gather in in Sacagawea's (pseudonym) backyard (with her 2 brothers & sister) and for hours these normal, innocent christian-raised boys and girls played kickball, whiffle-ball, and football - days full of exercise, even exercising laughter together. All those boys & girls most age 11-12 were "bubbly", quick-witty, glib. At my age 12 my family moved about 25 minutes away.

Three years later, me (15) selling school bumper stickers in front of the football stands, Sacagawea's (13 y.o) face appeared saying "I'll sell one for you." She immediately turned & sold to this admiring guy behind her, who I later learned followed her everywhere. I don't think she thought I recognized her face. She was beautiful. I more frequently met those other 4 neighbor girls because they were conspicuously out front as pretty cheerleaders & one majorette. So at age 13 Sacagawea had a personality change into a severe introvert, at 13 a sinking soul that nobody caught. I started dating her then.

Back in 1960 there was no publicity that sexual abuse of young girls by their fathers even existed. So education-wise at 14 such abuse was never admitted to my brain. Trained in the Baptist church, such sinfulness was nothing. Reading and being educated lots more in abnormal psychology, I pieced together this belief about the first girl I dated and first girl I ever kissed. Secagawaya was pretty but way too shy (now I know the term pathological shyness). I felt that rewarding teen tingling of those kisses, but something was absent in her response = she went comatose, like a trance of unconsciousness. {This abnormality was obvious enough that I tested it. Alone in my family kitchen. I handed Sacagawea triangle-cut tuna sandwich Mom made for us. We were standing. She held it between both her hands.
She was so pretty, I kissed her. I notice that sandwich rotate, on its way to being dropped. Quickly I took the receiver of the kitchen wall-phone and placed that dial-tone near her ear. Without coming out of her trance, eyes closed, she twisted her head away from that sound like it was unknown and dangerous.

Totally confused about the total absence of normal teenage endearment = if we held hands, it was always me that reached to her hand. When we hugged, I hugged and her body was merely like a dress hanging in a closet. No sweetness shared there?

One Christmas Eve, her family, all in the living room near the Christmas tree, her Dad came in and, in his tradition, he stuffed several $20 bills within the boughs of the Christmas tree for the kids to jump and push to get the most Jesus money. At that moment my 14 Y.O. girlfriend uttered in a voice like from horror movies that were yet to be produced in max creepiness : "I hate him." she uttered. So how did ignorant me, of a blessings family , respond.? I immediately scolded her. {So wrong of me.}

One day I sat in the hospital room of this 14 Y.O always noncommunicative girl. She was still under anesthesia affects. Sitting there with her mother and sister, it dawned on me that this dulled state companionship matched her human persona. { I didn't know to be more accepting of this abnormal teen non-romance?} So a few months later, I broke up with her. Her reaction was non-existant.

Furthermore, that hospital "surgery" was some kind of treatment by a Urologist. My sister was a 1st-year nurse at St. Vincents. She dropped by, looked at her chart. Privately at home, my sister assured me the pathology was minor, a crimped or twisted urethra (my later studies listed this as a "warning sign" for treating doctors to look closer for other signs of sexual abuse).

15 years later, I heard of her death due to drug involvement. By then I'd had plenty of investigation-education in textbook Child Development , and in Abnormal Psychology. I surely believe that when she started "developing" (~ 13) that her dad would sneak into her bedroom when all were asleep and "manhandle" her body. I think this is where even any honest "romantic" physical contact extended to her caused her to retreat into "tranced unawareness" "not there". She disassociated in psych terms.

The real importance of this story is the truth that the best corrector-eliminator will always be for the "little girl" to report her abuser immediately ... but then that little girl will be taken from the family? She will have ruined the family? Such are the worries or even the abuser's implanted threats to command silence, shame. This societal evil is one of the most "cryworthy" villanies still going, still growing.

You hit me deep. So sorry for her experience and your and her loss.

 

[Captain Sasquatch]

********.....it is a fanatical deviant perversion that has been glorified by Hollywood and entertainment and made OK over the last 30 or so years....plain and simple.

Well I guess you have to keep your perfect record of being wrong intact, right?

 

[T REX]

Dumbass is up for re-election. What do you think his odds are of remaining a trustee?

Even if you feel this way why would you make it public. That school really had/has issues.

 

[PastyStoole]

If you don't want to read all this true story, at least read the last paragraph that's in red.

Back in 1955 our neighborhood had 10 kids (5-girls, 5-boys) all near the same age (6 to 10). We would daily all gather in in Sacagawea's (pseudonym) backyard (with her 2 brothers & sister) and for hours these normal, innocent christian-raised boys and girls played kickball, whiffle-ball, and football - days full of exercise, even exercising laughter together. All those boys & girls most age 11-12 were "bubbly", quick-witty, glib. At my age 12 my family moved about 25 minutes away.

Three years later, me (15) selling school bumper stickers in front of the football stands, Sacagawea's (13 y.o) face appeared saying "I'll sell one for you." She immediately turned & sold to this admiring guy behind her, who I later learned followed her everywhere. I don't think she thought I recognized her face. She was beautiful. I more frequently met those other 4 neighbor girls because they were conspicuously out front as pretty cheerleaders & one majorette. So at age 13 Sacagawea had a personality change into a severe introvert, at 13 a sinking soul that nobody caught. I started dating her then.

Back in 1960 there was no publicity that sexual abuse of young girls by their fathers even existed. So education-wise at 14 such abuse was never admitted to my brain. Trained in the Baptist church, such sinfulness was nothing. Reading and being educated lots more in abnormal psychology, I pieced together this belief about the first girl I dated and first girl I ever kissed. Secagawaya was pretty but way too shy (now I know the term pathological shyness). I felt that rewarding teen tingling of those kisses, but something was absent in her response = she went comatose, like a trance of unconsciousness. {This abnormality was obvious enough that I tested it. Alone in my family kitchen. I handed Sacagawea triangle-cut tuna sandwich Mom made for us. We were standing. She held it between both her hands.
She was so pretty, I kissed her. I notice that sandwich rotate, on its way to being dropped. Quickly I took the receiver of the kitchen wall-phone and placed that dial-tone near her ear. Without coming out of her trance, eyes closed, she twisted her head away from that sound like it was unknown and dangerous.

Totally confused about the total absence of normal teenage endearment = if we held hands, it was always me that reached to her hand. When we hugged, I hugged and her body was merely like a dress hanging in a closet. No sweetness shared there?

One Christmas Eve, her family, all in the living room near the Christmas tree, her Dad came in and, in his tradition, he stuffed several $20 bills within the boughs of the Christmas tree for the kids to jump and push to get the most Jesus money. At that moment my 14 Y.O. girlfriend uttered in a voice like from horror movies that were yet to be produced in max creepiness : "I hate him." she uttered. So how did ignorant me, of a blessings family , respond.? I immediately scolded her. {So wrong of me.}

One day I sat in the hospital room of this 14 Y.O always noncommunicative girl. She was still under anesthesia affects. Sitting there with her mother and sister, it dawned on me that this dulled state companionship matched her human persona. { I didn't know to be more accepting of this abnormal teen non-romance?} So a few months later, I broke up with her. Her reaction was non-existant.

Furthermore, that hospital "surgery" was some kind of treatment by a Urologist. My sister was a 1st-year nurse at St. Vincents. She dropped by, looked at her chart. Privately at home, my sister assured me the pathology was minor, a crimped or twisted urethra (my later studies listed this as a "warning sign" for treating doctors to look closer for other signs of sexual abuse).

15 years later, I heard of her death due to drug involvement. By then I'd had plenty of investigation-education in textbook Child Development , and in Abnormal Psychology. I surely believe that when she started "developing" (~ 13) that her dad would sneak into her bedroom when all were asleep and "manhandle" her body. I think this is where even any honest "romantic" physical contact extended to her caused her to retreat into "tranced unawareness" "not there". She disassociated in psych terms.

The real importance of this story is the truth that the best corrector-eliminator will always be for the "little girl" to report her abuser immediately ... but then that little girl will be taken from the family? She will have ruined the family? Such are the worries or even the abuser's implanted threats to command silence, shame. This societal evil is one of the most "cryworthy" villanies still going, still growing.

This is stirring and sad and tragic, Rog, thank you for sharing it. I'm hearing regret in your story and I'm hoping you don't carry that too much with you. It's well beyond the capacity of a 15-year-old boy to recognize this kind of trauma and identify it specifically in any way. The fact that you recognized anything at all speaks volumes toward your maturity and well-developed sense of empathy for the age you were.

 

[Swamp Queen]

********.....it is a fanatical deviant perversion that has been glorified by Hollywood and entertainment and made OK over the last 30 or so years....plain and simple.

Ummmm, no.

 

[ThreatMatrix]

Ummmm, no.

Ummmm, yes.

 

[rogdochar]

Thanks "Pasty", Gator J, for your compassion. My closeness to her family made the loss long lasting unto today, Nothing erases that type of loss of a beautiful friend. With her mother, brothers, and sister I did many things for years after her death. Her sister was also my first Office Manager.

You think the memory softens but 41 years later upon first hearing the song "Say Something I'm Giving Up On You" brings a tear. Thanks, just want as many to know the bigness of the horror of too many young girls being taken and murdered by Evil. All of you figure a way to get your growing daughters to practice protective measures, but without frightening them too much.

 

[T REX]

Thanks "Pasty", Gator J, for your compassion. My closeness to her family made the loss long lasting unto today, Nothing erases that type of loss of a beautiful friend. With her mother, brothers, and sister I did many things for years after her death. Her sister was also my first Office Manager.

You think the memory softens but 41 years later upon first hearing the song "Say Something I'm Giving Up On You" brings a tear. Thanks, just want as many to know the bigness of the horror of too many young girls being taken and murdered by Evil. All of you figure a way to get your growing daughters to practice protective measures, but without frightening them too much.

It is tragic and beyond unfortunate. Does anyone know if LA still has the death penalty for rape of a child under 12? Should be enacted in all 50 states. Not only is it fitting but the recidivism is unholy for those inhumans.

 

[TN G8tr]

Very tragic and just so unfair to rob someone of a life. And it effects more than just the victim and very sad. I hope that there is a special place in hell for people who victimized the innocent victims.