The other day I went over to my mother's house, and as always happens upon arrival, "Snappy" my sister's Collie/Shepherd mix, greeted me with the same "You know you're my b!tch, don't you?" attitude that I always get from her. An awkwardness alway ensues, sort of like attending Thanksgiving dinner with that cousin who'd thrown you a mercy fck once after a breakup. I don't know "Snappy's" real name, I was never interested in learning it. She got her nickname because she randomly bites people who are petting her, yet, at least in my case, she still demands - by forcing her snout under my hand - that I pet her until she's satisfied with my effort. She does so while sneering and glaring at me mockingly. It's humiliating, especially given the context of our past relations, which I'm ashamed to say, lacked affirmative consent. Some years ago, right after my father passed away, my family was down and we were staying at my mothers house in her guest rooms. I thought it would be nice to have Snappy in my room as everyone else but me had a spouse with them, and I figured I could use some company. That's always how it starts: an act of kindness toward a sexual predator. I can't tell you the number of times I've questioned that decision, wondering if I brought on my own shame and if the guilt I feel is valid. In any case, that night is etched permanently in my memory and haunts me in my nightmares. I was exhausted as I climbed into bed and fell into a deep slumber. Snappy, too, pretending to sleep at the foot of the bed, perhaps with one eye open, and waiting for just the right opportunity to take advantage of me. I've been allergic to dog dander since I was a kid so my nasal passages almost immediately slammed shut, forcing me to breathe heavily through my mouth, probably snoring loudly as I went into a deep R.E.M. cycle and dreamt of something pleasant. Suddenly my pleasant dream turned into a nightmare. I was suffocating, struggling to wake myself. I couldn't feel my body. I felt like someone had given me Rohypnol and glued my eyes shut. As I came to, I was choking and gagging. My arms, both behind my head and under the pillow, could not seem to move. I finally got my eyes open to meet the visage of Snappy, a demonic and angry sexual rage consuming her, both forepaws on my shoulders pinning me, and the rest of her weight suggestively pressing against my hips. Her massive and intrusive tongue was giving me a non-consensual deep french kiss. The breath from her foul, fishy, and possibly feces-eating mouth was filling my own mouth and nostrils as I struggled to work my head free of her torturous thrusting snout. I managed to get my mouth loose for just enough time to gasp "Noooo! I like you ...but not in that way!!" just before she, ignoring my pleas, thrust her massive, insatiable tongue, back into my mouth, gobbling at my tonsils in some sort of depraved effort to "re-taste" my dinner that night. Again I worked my head free, managing only a "No,,,means...no!" before she was on me again. Finally, I managed to muster the strength to roll my body. Gasping for breath I reached over and threw on the light. Looking back toward her, I can still remember the humiliating and contemptuous sneer on her face. It was an "I could bite a chunk out of you right now and no one would know it" sneer. It was the sneer of an executioner, or a murderer. It was the sneer of a rapist. I spent the next three nights sleeping in the fetal position. Door locked, quietly sobbing. Until Snappy goes away to that big farm in the sky, I'll always feel scared, humiliated and intimidated by her. She owns me now. In both the American Kennel Club and the correctional facility senses, I am simply her b!tch.