300-pound Kerwin Bell now on UF's offensive staff

[NOLAGATOR]

This. Lighten up Francine(NOLA).

I’m a fat fk and could use a low carb diet myself.

Unfortunately, Reese cups aren’t low carb.

I get it. I'm a couch potato myself. I respect people who are very fit...I'm not

But every time Kerwin's name is mentioned y'all talk weight not Offensive Schemes.

 

[SGG]

I get it. I'm a couch potato myself. I respect people who are very fit...I'm not

But every time Kerwin's name is mentioned y'all talk weight not Offensive Schemes.

Not really, this thread was bumped because posters were giving him credit(whether he’s even on the staff or not is another topic) for the offensive concepts Mullen/Johnson have been using this year so far.

 

[NOLAGATOR]

Soooo... out of the DOZENS of wise cracks on his weight (including the thread title) you pick "low carb diet" and lose your sh*t. Get your fat ass on a treadmill, eat low carb, and get back on your meds! JFC!

I'm on a low carb diet!

Carbs are killers...I get it.

And you call me a fat ass?

I commented on "Freedom".

Lose my ****e? For defending Kerwin? Please show me?

 

[TheDouglas78]

Not really, this thread was bumped because posters were giving him credit(whether he’s even on the staff or not is another topic) for the offensive concepts Mullen/Johnson have been using this year so far.

How dare you bring facts into the conversation, that is against Gatorchatter policy.... do you need a vacation?

 

[BMF]

I'm on a low carb diet!

Carbs are killers...I get it.

And you call me a fat ass?

I commented on "Freedom".

Lose my ****e? For defending Kerwin? Please show me?

 

[NOLAGATOR]

​

 

[NovaGator]

Great guy. Needs to get on a low-carb diet though!

"ARE YOU THE ONE WHO ATE MY LAST TWO JELLY DONUTS?"

 

[NOLAGATOR]

"ARE YOU THE ONE WHO ATE MY LAST TWO JELLY DONUTS?"

So now you better score.

 

[oxrageous]

I agree that it's juvenile to discuss the mans weight. Some of you really need to grow up.

 

[soflagator]

I agree that it's juvenile to discuss the mans weight. Some of you really need to grow up.

Looks like KB may have eaten your apostrophe.

 

[AlexDaGator]

No matter his age or his weight, this is how I will remember Kerwin. Father time gets us all.

...and now, because LITERALLY nobody has asked for it, I reproduce my classic Kerwin Bell post from the old GSMB in its entirety:


I may be getting older, but I'll never, ever forget that Auburn game. It was, without a doubt, the greatest moment in Gator , if not American, history.

The Gator offense was inept that day. Auburn jumped out to a huge, insurmountable lead. The O&B faithful despaired. Then, a desperate Galen Hall picked up his emergency red telephone and called the ER at Shands. He gritted his teeth and simply said "Bring me Bell." To the horror of his physicians, Kerwin demanded that an ambulance immediately transport him to the stadium.

Kerwin didn't start because he was on crutches that day. You see, he had broken his leg in an earlier game giving his all for the Gators. He was in a full cast from hip all the way down to his foot. Gangrene had set in and the leg was due to be amputated later that day. It didn't matter to Kerwin. The Gators needed him, and he wasn't going to let them down.

Galen called a timeout so the hospital helicopter could land at midfield and drop Kerwin off. Florida had the ball on their own 1 foot line, with .0001 seconds left on the clock. Kerwin's positioned his wheel chair under center and called the last play of the game. He took the snap with his teeth and used both hands roll the wheelchair back. Auburn blitzed their entire defense. Bell juked two defenders, rolled over a third, then, just before being sacked for a safety, he launched a prayer of a hail mary downfield.

Alas, his WR had fallen down the ball was fluttering down, destined to fall incomplete. But, from nowhere, Bell's powerful arms drove his wheelchair toward the spot where the ball was falling. At the last second, he made a fingertip catch to keep the play alive, but the entire Auburn offense, defense, the 1972 Dolphins, and the entire Stanford band was between him and the endzone. On that day, however, Bell would not be denied. He spun the wheelchair around, juking Auburn players while kicking up a rooster tail of dirt and grass in his wake. He drove his wheelchair over and around defenders until he got to the 5 yard line. At that moment, he was stopped by Dolphins middle linebacker Nick Buoniconti and a trombone player.

Knowing there was no way to get around these last two defenders, Kerwin clutched the ball with his left hand and used his pocketknife to saw off his own broken leg. He used the leg (still encased in the cast) to hit Nick upside his head. He swung his leg back the other way and drove the trombone all the way through the poor band geek's skull until 3 feet of the instrument was sticking out of the back of his head.

With the way ahead finally cleared, Kerwin hopped up on his one good leg and completed the last five yards into the endzone. The referees consulted and decided to award the Gators 27 1/2 points for the play, giving the Gators a 1/2 point win.

Yup--so help me, that's EXACTLY the way it happened or my name isn't William Jefferson Clinton.



Alex.

 

[TheDouglas78]

...and now, because LITERALLY nobody has asked for it, I reproduce my classic Kerwin Bell post from the old GSMB in its entirety:


I may be getting older, but I'll never, ever forget that Auburn game. It was, without a doubt, the greatest moment in Gator , if not American, history.

The Gator offense was inept that day. Auburn jumped out to a huge, insurmountable lead. The O&B faithful despaired. Then, a desperate Galen Hall picked up his emergency red telephone and called the ER at Shands. He gritted his teeth and simply said "Bring me Bell." To the horror of his physicians, Kerwin demanded that an ambulance immediately transport him to the stadium.

Kerwin didn't start because he was on crutches that day. You see, he had broken his leg in an earlier game giving his all for the Gators. He was in a full cast from hip all the way down to his foot. Gangrene had set in and the leg was due to be amputated later that day. It didn't matter to Kerwin. The Gators needed him, and he wasn't going to let them down.

Galen called a timeout so the hospital helicopter could land at midfield and drop Kerwin off. Florida had the ball on their own 1 foot line, with .0001 seconds left on the clock. Kerwin's positioned his wheel chair under center and called the last play of the game. He took the snap with his teeth and used both hands roll the wheelchair back. Auburn blitzed their entire defense. Bell juked two defenders, rolled over a third, then, just before being sacked for a safety, he launched a prayer of a hail mary downfield.

Alas, his WR had fallen down the ball was fluttering down, destined to fall incomplete. But, from nowhere, Bell's powerful arms drove his wheelchair toward the spot where the ball was falling. At the last second, he made a fingertip catch to keep the play alive, but the entire Auburn offense, defense, the 1972 Dolphins, and the entire Stanford band was between him and the endzone. On that day, however, Bell would not be denied. He spun the wheelchair around, juking Auburn players while kicking up a rooster tail of dirt and grass in his wake. He drove his wheelchair over and around defenders until he got to the 5 yard line. At that moment, he was stopped by Dolphins middle linebacker Nick Buoniconti and a trombone player.

Knowing there was no way to get around these last two defenders, Kerwin clutched the ball with his left hand and used his pocketknife to saw off his own broken leg. He used the leg (still encased in the cast) to hit Nick upside his head. He swung his leg back the other way and drove the trombone all the way through the poor band geek's skull until 3 feet of the instrument was sticking out of the back of his head.

With the way ahead finally cleared, Kerwin hopped up on his one good leg and completed the last five yards into the endzone. The referees consulted and decided to award the Gators 27 1/2 points for the play, giving the Gators a 1/2 point win.

Yup--so help me, that's EXACTLY the way it happened or my name isn't William Jefferson Clinton.



Alex.

Thought I love the post, and it's pretty damn close to accurate... you forgot that Auburn had 15 dudes on defense and most everyone over 21 was completely schit faced about 5 minutes after that play happened.

 

[NovaGator]

I agree that it's juvenile to discuss the mans weight. Some of you really need to grow up.

One can't deny that fat people tend to garner precious little respect, frequently on the receiving end of unkind comments and snide remarks regarding their poundage. Take Charlie Weis. Reputed to be an offensive genius and quarterback guru, but famously remembered during his short stay at UF as a 350 pound donut muncher who left his ass-cheek impressions on an ice chest. Or U.S. president Taft best remembered for being so grossly over-weight that he became wedged in the White House bathtub.
And not to be outdone is former Kansas head coach Mark Mangino. Reportedly crushing the scales at a mind boggling 457 pounds, Mark was spotlighted at a game against the Texas Longhorns where the TV announcers wise-cracked that the Texas mascot (the longhorn they call Bevo) paced nervously every time Mangino looked his way, lest he become a t-bone steak on Mark's dinner plate.

"WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT GUY! HE COULD EAT A HORSE!"

 

[oxrageous]

There's no question that Mangino is the fattest coach who ever lived. He had 50+ pounds on guys like Weis.

 

[crosscreekcooter]

There's no question that Mangino is the fattest coach who ever lived. He had 50+ pounds on guys like Weis.

Mangino must employ an attendant Groom of the Stool for personal care.

 

[Swamp Donkey]

There's no question that Mangino is the fattest coach who ever lived. He had 50+ pounds on guys like Weis.

That looks like 200 pounds more..

 

[SGG]

There's no question that Mangino is the fattest coach who ever lived. He had 50+ pounds on guys like Weis.

And yet.....their most successful head coach.

 

[gardnerwebbgator]

I'll always be thankful for Kerwin for this one play, to finally beat them, and shut them out, after the Lindsey play and Herschel emasculating us......

 

[BMF]

Kerwin expected to be named the head coach at Western Carolina:

Sources: Western Carolina's search zeroing in on former Florida Gators great

 

[soflagator]

Kerwin expected to be named the head coach at Western Carolina:

Sources: Western Carolina's search zeroing in on former Florida Gators great

I’m happy for him. But first southern georgia, now western North Carolina. And lord knows he lived at Beach Road Chicken when he was at JU. For his own good, we have to get him away from fried foods and BBQ. Doesn’t Portland State or somewhere like that have an opening?