Gentlemen, are you doing your part? Study Shows Women Need More Sex for Health Reasons.

[AlexDaGator]

Study makes frightening find about women who don't have sex often

Women who rarely have sex may not only suffer a bit from pent up tensions — they could be heading to an early grave, a new study suggests.

Scientists found that women between the ages of 20 and 59 who had sex less than once a week had a 70 percent higher probability of dying from any cause within five years compared to women who had sex more than once a week.

WHAT!?!?!? Prudes have a 70% higher chance of dying within 5 years than Hoes???

WHERE WAS THIS INFORMATION WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL? My pick-up lines would have been completely different and far more effective.

Why is this vital research only coming out now? I want to know which presidential candidate is going to pledge a billion dollars of research money into this crucial (and apparently long-neglected) field of study.

Sooooo...the good news is that you mom will probably live forever.

Anyway...

We know Coach has single-handedly extended the life expectancy of the women of Brooker by decades but what about the rest of you slackers?

Now that you know you've got the fountain of youth right there in your boxers, are you all volunteering as tribute? All you dudes getting ready to offer your special life-giving elixir of feminine health to needy women who live within 5 miles of you?

Not so fast my fellas. Apparently there's a point where men can become oversexed and the health benefits turn into a major health liability.

But the new study added an interesting twist for oversexed men: there really is too much of a good thing.

'With high sexual frequency,' the researchers wrote, 'males were six times more likely to experience increased mortality than females.'

This six-fold increase in death risk for men who truly 'get around' proved true despite the study's use of a multiple complex statistical weights — including Cox regression models — to help cancel out other health, behavioral and demographic factors.

But at least we'll die happy, amirite?




Alex.

 

[bradgator2]

Well, we know your mom is going to live way past 100

 

[AlexDaGator]

Well, we know your mom is going to live way past 100

Sooooo...the good news is that you mom will probably live forever.

Alex.

 

[bradgator2]

Alex.

Welp

 

[Durty South Swamp]

Well, we know your mom is going to live way past 100

baaazzzzzzzing!!!!

 

[Nalt]

Whoa! Let me see if I got this right!

Women are at a higher risk of dying if they don't get enough sex but men are at an even higher risk of dying if they have too much sex?

Maybe men and women should just revert to our early teen years and self-satisfy?

 

[AlexDaGator]

Whoa! Let me see if I got this right!

Women are at a higher risk of dying if they don't get enough sex but men are at an even higher risk of dying if they have too much sex?

Maybe men and women should just revert to our early teen years and self-satisfy?

I do not believe the study included sisters and cousins so the results may not apply to Bammers.



Alex.

 

[Nalt]

I do not believe the study included sisters and cousins so the results may not apply to Bammers.



Alex.

 

[Bushmaster]

I wonder how much the mortality rate was affected for men who get around a lot by jealous men or women shooting them?

 

[soflagator]

 

[CDGator]

I showed this headline to seedy yesterday and said it’s obviously written by a guy

 

[B52G8rAC]

Welp, my wife is going to outlive me by quite a stretch based on this study.

 

[GR8 2B]

Welp, my wife is going to outlive me by quite a stretch based on this study.

Living fast, leaving a good-looking corpse - with a big smile on your face?

 

[B52G8rAC]

Living fast, leaving a good-looking corpse - with a big smile on your face?

Pilot training mantra. Only its too late for the second clause. That last phrase though is accurate.

 

[Okeechobee Joe]

 

[AlexDaGator]

Abe Vigoda was born old. He was barely over 50 when he played in The Godfather.

Alex.

 

[Spurffelbow833]

Maybe men and women should just revert to our early teen years and self-satisfy?

It's very economical. And the older I get, the more "inflation-proof" it gets.

 

[Spurffelbow833]

All you dudes getting ready to offer your special life-giving elixir of feminine health to needy women who live within 5 miles of you?

Great. Now I have to feel guilty when I ignore those pop-up ads. What's next? Hugh Hefner's Hospitals for Neglected Women?

 

[Spurffelbow833]

Also included in the database were answers to the question: 'In the past 12 months, about how many times have you had vaginal or anal sex?'

I think porn drives all of modern male sexuality. They couldn't even put a study together without making it clear to women that flipping them over has life-giving benefits, too.

 

[TheDouglas78]

I wonder how much the mortality rate was affected for men who get around a lot by jealous men or women shooting them?

Ask Coach