- Aug 5, 2014
- 3,440
- 4,734
December 10th is always a day I wake up with a heavy heart. It's a day that I will most likely remember for the rest of my life and not one I wish I would have to.
Before I begin this story; I'd just like to say that I know I am younger than most of you guys on this board, I know that everyone has a "story", I also am aware that each and everyone one of you have lost someone and I am not the only one. However, I made a promise that on this day, no matter the setting I'd share my experiences to perhaps prevent it from happening to someone else and I figured that although I will likely never meet any of you guys in person; I spend a fair amount of time here and enjoy the company of all of you guys on this board so what better place than here. So here it goes.
Three years ago today I lost my best friend but in reality it was as I had lost my own brother; we weren't blood but he was family. We had grown up in much different situations, I was from a good middle class family with two loving parents and grandparents that were and still are the best people in my life. My buddy on the other hand had it much worse; losing his mother at 11 from a freak accident at a hospital where she worked, his father becoming depressed literally drank himself to death by the following year. Instead of moving into his grandmothers and staying in Wisconsin where he had been born and raised, he was shipped to Missouri to live with his aunt and uncle whom were good people but were a little harder on him than his own parents.
He grew up with a stable home but was so angry at the world and primarily at God for taking away everything that he'd known that he really became fairly reckless, it wasn't till his junior year in High School that things really started to calm down and really started focusing on his future career.
Fast forward a few years later and my best friend had moved to Springfield, Missouri; working there at some restaurant, got into a few light drugs, started selling them to make ends meet. I'd drive down there often, have crazy nights out in Springfield, meet a lot of women and get into a little trouble; we could pick up where we left off without ever missing a beat.
In 2012 I was heavily bogged down in coursework at Southeast Missouri State University and really didn't have the time nor money to make that 5 hour drive to see my best friend very often. Heard from a few friends in that area that he had been pretty down lately; the crew he ran with there weren't good people and he began to question what he was doing with his life. Really it was a stroke of luck for him, he met a very beautiful and good natured woman who straightened him out; he enrolled back in college, stopped dealing and prepared to move out to avoid being dragged back into that life. He was having one last get together on Halloween before he moved, I drove 5 hours and surprised him and we made the night last. Women, booze, limos, Springfield...it was insane; however, had I known that would be the last time I was going to see him I might have thought less of what we were doing and honestly enjoyed the time more.
December 6th, 2012 I was in the middle of finals and I was preparing my presentations for my courses. Late that night I received a call from my best friend; obviously a little ****ed up, he told me that some things in his life had really taken a turn for the worse and he felt like he was slowly drowning in it all, he asked if I could make it to Springfield to hang out that weekend. I felt that I needed to go but with finals and my future hinging on this forced me to stay and concentrate on my work; I let him know this but I said next week after finals I'll come down and kick it for a few days during break. Then he did something odd, he said he understood and before he got off the phone he said "Ferg, you've always been family to me, you know I love you man."...those were the last words I'd ever hear.
December 10th, I woke up after a long night of partying to a call..."Chris, before you read it online I need to tell you this; [ ] killed himself last night".
Three years later and I still feel the weight of his death on my shoulders; he reached out to me and I didn't pick up on the signs. How was I supposed to know that he was going to kill himself? Maybe he would have done it anyways and made me find his body. Maybe he would have done it a week later even if I had come down. I'll never know the answer to questions such as those but I still feel like I could have done something.
If any of you on this board take time to read this, perhaps it will save a life, perhaps it won't. I made a promise that I'd always tell his story and mine; as I have said, maybe it will save a life. Even if it's just one, it would be worth it. There is so much more about my "brother" and best friend that simply typing on a message board cant convey the person he was; he would have given you his last nickel in your time of need, never asking for anything in return.
Till We Meet Again Bro....
Before I begin this story; I'd just like to say that I know I am younger than most of you guys on this board, I know that everyone has a "story", I also am aware that each and everyone one of you have lost someone and I am not the only one. However, I made a promise that on this day, no matter the setting I'd share my experiences to perhaps prevent it from happening to someone else and I figured that although I will likely never meet any of you guys in person; I spend a fair amount of time here and enjoy the company of all of you guys on this board so what better place than here. So here it goes.
Three years ago today I lost my best friend but in reality it was as I had lost my own brother; we weren't blood but he was family. We had grown up in much different situations, I was from a good middle class family with two loving parents and grandparents that were and still are the best people in my life. My buddy on the other hand had it much worse; losing his mother at 11 from a freak accident at a hospital where she worked, his father becoming depressed literally drank himself to death by the following year. Instead of moving into his grandmothers and staying in Wisconsin where he had been born and raised, he was shipped to Missouri to live with his aunt and uncle whom were good people but were a little harder on him than his own parents.
He grew up with a stable home but was so angry at the world and primarily at God for taking away everything that he'd known that he really became fairly reckless, it wasn't till his junior year in High School that things really started to calm down and really started focusing on his future career.
Fast forward a few years later and my best friend had moved to Springfield, Missouri; working there at some restaurant, got into a few light drugs, started selling them to make ends meet. I'd drive down there often, have crazy nights out in Springfield, meet a lot of women and get into a little trouble; we could pick up where we left off without ever missing a beat.
In 2012 I was heavily bogged down in coursework at Southeast Missouri State University and really didn't have the time nor money to make that 5 hour drive to see my best friend very often. Heard from a few friends in that area that he had been pretty down lately; the crew he ran with there weren't good people and he began to question what he was doing with his life. Really it was a stroke of luck for him, he met a very beautiful and good natured woman who straightened him out; he enrolled back in college, stopped dealing and prepared to move out to avoid being dragged back into that life. He was having one last get together on Halloween before he moved, I drove 5 hours and surprised him and we made the night last. Women, booze, limos, Springfield...it was insane; however, had I known that would be the last time I was going to see him I might have thought less of what we were doing and honestly enjoyed the time more.
December 6th, 2012 I was in the middle of finals and I was preparing my presentations for my courses. Late that night I received a call from my best friend; obviously a little ****ed up, he told me that some things in his life had really taken a turn for the worse and he felt like he was slowly drowning in it all, he asked if I could make it to Springfield to hang out that weekend. I felt that I needed to go but with finals and my future hinging on this forced me to stay and concentrate on my work; I let him know this but I said next week after finals I'll come down and kick it for a few days during break. Then he did something odd, he said he understood and before he got off the phone he said "Ferg, you've always been family to me, you know I love you man."...those were the last words I'd ever hear.
December 10th, I woke up after a long night of partying to a call..."Chris, before you read it online I need to tell you this; [ ] killed himself last night".
Three years later and I still feel the weight of his death on my shoulders; he reached out to me and I didn't pick up on the signs. How was I supposed to know that he was going to kill himself? Maybe he would have done it anyways and made me find his body. Maybe he would have done it a week later even if I had come down. I'll never know the answer to questions such as those but I still feel like I could have done something.
If any of you on this board take time to read this, perhaps it will save a life, perhaps it won't. I made a promise that I'd always tell his story and mine; as I have said, maybe it will save a life. Even if it's just one, it would be worth it. There is so much more about my "brother" and best friend that simply typing on a message board cant convey the person he was; he would have given you his last nickel in your time of need, never asking for anything in return.
Till We Meet Again Bro....