Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme

[Delg8tor]

Reading the Liquid A$$ thread reminded me of another gem that I had seen on Amazon a couple years ago. Take a gander at the user reviews and have a chuckle or two...
Amazon product

 

[Delg8tor]

Here are a couple of my favorites:
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)

 

[Delg8tor]

For years i had wondered what little Jim (because you go there for a work out) would look like with a new and stylish hair cut. Stephan, my hair dresser, has always recommended that I get my eye brows waxed as he claims it would open up my eyes and remove 10 to 15 pounds of hair from my brow, easing strain on my neck and preventing scratching my corneas prematurely.

So i thought, why stop at the eye brows. Surely Jim deserves a new lease on life as well. I mean, he gets very hot in there and begins to smell like a giants sock that got left in the corner of the bathroom for two weeks following playing in a mud puddle.

As any male would do, I paid off reading the label. If i didn't read them when replacing the brakes on my grandmas 1992 Pintara, I certainly wouldn't for this. Setting myself up for success, I attempted this after enjoying six scotches (to numb the pain) and lowered myself into a dry bath with the plan of banging on the water when the time was up to scrub away what resembled tom seleck wearing an oversized spider on his head. I imagined the warm water rushing over the smooth as eggs marbles and a deceptively bigger looking Jim. Jim would frolic in the water while I lavished attention on him, and we would be the happier for it.

Needless to say, 30 mins later i woke up to a piercing scream that sounded somewhere between Alanis Morrisette singing opera and a baboon that just ate its own turd for the first time. It took me a few minutes to realise that this sound was emitting from my own throat. Jim now resembled a midget in a bright red swim suit cowering in fear in the corner of a room, sitting on an equally bright red bean bag.

It has now been 2 weeks. The medicated hand lotion that I rub into the team hourly has eased most of the pain. Pants are now able to be worn when moving around without Jim causing my brain to implode, and he is now able to be handled without the use of a soft felt cloth, cotton balls and a lot of TLC.

All in all, I would recommend the experience to all. It now looks like two slightly sunburnt looking "`Mini-me's" hanging below a more resourceful, more dynamic, more capable and certainly a well groomed Jim. Of a side note, both my parents and the treating doctors at the emergency ward commented on how smooth and well groomed the package looks. It's a shame the rest of my body still looks like the wolf man having sex with a Yeti.

 

[Delg8tor]

After reading the reviews on this site I thought that using this product for rush week at our frat house would be pretty funny. Man was I dead wrong. The story I've told my lawyer over & over again goes like this. We snuck into one of our pledges rooms one night & liberally applied to his, at the time, tiny young pale berries. We then snuck out of his room & waited 5 minutes to hear what could only be described as a high pitched shrill shriek of death, like the sound of a cat being run over by a lawnmower. He barreled through the door & came at us with the veracity of a mother ape & we had stolen her child. He lunged at us & pleaded for help. With desperation in his eyes I caught a glimpse of his once tiny appendages, now gigantic purple & apple looking in form. Foaming at the mouth & tears streaming from his eyes he said one simple thing in a tone I will never forget. "Help me" he whispered. We quickly drug him to Billy's room since he was the only one we knew with a mini fridge with a freezer in it & the bathroom was on the second floor. We kicked open the door knocking over Billy's hookah in the process. We ripped open Billy's freezer & began rubbing one frozen item after another onto his now heirloom tomatoes with elephantiasisish stuff. I've honestly never before heard the sounds that came out of him nor will I probably ever again. I believe that there were tongues not spoken in a thousand years emanating from this young mans inner being. I have never been more afraid in my life. His eyes burned a bright red as if to be turning the same color as his now softball sized nuggets. The only relief came in a form of a can of fresca & a frozen bag of peas applied to the affected area. Clean as a whistle but still red as the devils dick we went up to the second floor to use the bathroom to wash off the remaining cream. Bad idea. Apparently water activates it even further, just pushing it around infecting other sensitive areas where hair also grows. Knowing there was no more fresca in house we tried a plethora of other sodas to no avail. A popsicle shoved into a place where no one ever dreams they would ever have one shoved was enough to quiet the screams momentarily. Just then we smelled smoke & realized the hookah that we knocked over in Billy's room had started the house on fire. Well, after the emergency room visit & 7 hours with the police department & fire department I'm out on bail & awaiting trial on the 4 felony counts & 2 misdemeanors I've been ridiculously charged with. Lucky for most the only real loss we had was the communal fish tank in which we were pretty much replacing after every party we had anyway since someone was always puking in it. After all is said & done, I'm happy to report that our frat house is being rebuilt & the pledge has become an honorary member leading the cause to keep me kicked out. Talk about motivation. The doctors also told me that he will never ever grow hair in the regions that I applied this product so I definitely give it 5 stars.

 

[Delg8tor]

Wasn't planning n posting more reviews but this is from the Amazon/UK site and is hilarious:
4.0 out of 5 stars Took my fricking eyebrow off..
By James on 2 Jan. 2016
Size: 1 Pack
Like other reviewers I don't do instructions so I just slapped this stuff on like I was basting a turkey. In the minutes that followed, my ball bag felt like the sun on its hottest day and my john thomas was as red as Mr Tumble's fricking nose.

Now downstairs usually gets a nice cut and blow dry with a nice centre parting, but I fancied a nice clean Kojak look for once.. NEVER AGAIN

To add insult to injury I inadvertently got this medieval stuff somehow on my left eyebrow that has now vanished making me look like right nutter.

Long story short, the stuff works but if your anything like me, get adult supervision before use.


Amazon product