Film Reviews - what have you seen lately, what did you think?

[CaseyGator]

Speaking of old movies with young Asians in it, Cannonball Run was on last week. Was a scene with that whacky Asian Subaru team… I was like, “Ho Lee Fuk! That’s young Jackie Chan!”

One more rando comment: The Foreigner with Jackie Chan is pretty good.

This completes my high jacking.

Don’t you mean Jackie-ing?

 

[Detroitgator]

Don’t you mean Jackie-ing?

I don’t know what that means

 

[TLB]

Faster (2010)

IMDB: An ex-con gets on a series of apparently unrelated killings. He gets tracked by a veteran cop with secrets of his own and an egocentric hit man.

TLB: The Rock stars in what should not be confused with the F&F series of films. Rock is who he is, nothing out of the ordinary in the role he plays or how he plays it. Billy Bob Thornton is our detective following him at a distance and hiring the hitman (Oliver Jackson-Cohen). Thornton is ok as a washed out dirty cop, more that he fits the washed out dirty aspect than seeming like a cop. Hitman is sufficiently nuerotic, but has a smoking gf who gets third billing behind Rock and Thornton despite being a supporting role.

Story boils down to Rock serving 10y for a crime where his gang got jumped and his brother was killed. Now released he is out for revenge. You see the connections already, and while there are some recognizable faces along the way, there's nobody you actually care about or are excited to see. Fight sequences are meh, as are most driving sequences.

Final Verdict: 4/10 just not worth it

 

[TLB]

I saw this in Afghanistan on a bootleg Pakistani CD right after it came out. Honestly, I get your 2/10 rating, but as a dystopian future/star crossed lovers movie, and probably because of where I was, this is quietly one of my favorite movies. Couldn’t really even tell you why, it just is. Loved most of the music in it too.

I read other IMDB reviews to get a broader perspective and if there's something I missed. The only supporting reviews were of your perspective, valuing the tragic romance and dystopian setting. I wouldn't have pegged you for the artsy-fartsy crowd, you may wanna see someone about your case of they ghey. NTTIAWWT

 

[Detroitgator]

I read other IMDB reviews to get a broader perspective and if there's something I missed. The only supporting reviews were of your perspective, valuing the tragic romance and dystopian setting. I wouldn't have pegged you for the artsy-fartsy crowd, you may wanna see someone about your case of they ghey. NTTIAWWT

I definitely think it’s a love it or hate it movie, zero middle ground.

 

[TLB]

Grotesque (2009)

IMDB: A doctor kidnaps a young couple and forces them into a game of torment that slowly extinguishes their hopes for survival.

TLB: I went on a spree years ago collecting horror films, this was one of the ones recommended (get used to more coming soon). This low budget Japanese horror film only has 3 actors - the sadistic doctor and the couple. English subs are acceptable, but a bit off in places.

There isn't much in the way of acting, decent bit of splatter, heavy dose of really sadistic torture by the doc (some graphic, some implied). One may try to get a value of 'what would you do to survive' from it, but it'd be a reach, this is really about just destroying two people physically and mentally. There is a bit of dialogue in the closing scene, I suppose intended as some sort of payoff, but it's pretty weak overall - kudos for effort, but not a passing one. Then we close with a few final blows for blood and closure but ... ehhh.

Final Verdict: 3/10 While it's on some top horror film lists, I'm gonna suggest you pass on this one.

 

[Detroitgator]

Grotesque (2009)

IMDB: A doctor kidnaps a young couple and forces them into a game of torment that slowly extinguishes their hopes for survival.

TLB: I went on a spree years ago collecting horror films, this was one of the ones recommended (get used to more coming soon). This low budget Japanese horror film only has 3 actors - the sadistic doctor and the couple. English subs are acceptable, but a bit off in places.

There isn't much in the way of acting, decent bit of splatter, heavy dose of really sadistic torture by the doc (some graphic, some implied). One may try to get a value of 'what would you do to survive' from it, but it'd be a reach, this is really about just destroying two people physically and mentally. There is a bit of dialogue in the closing scene, I suppose intended as some sort of payoff, but it's pretty weak overall - kudos for effort, but not a passing one. Then we close with a few final blows for blood and closure but ... ehhh.

Final Verdict: 3/10 While it's on some top horror film lists, I'm gonna suggest you pass on this one.

I saw this in Afghanistan on a bootleg Pakistani CD right after it came out. Honestly, I get your 3/10 rating, but as a dystopian future/star crossed lovers movie, and probably because of where I was, this is quietly one of my favorite movies. Couldn’t really even tell you why, it just is. Loved most of the music in it too. ;)

 

[gingerlover]

Strays (Peacock) - The talking dog movie with Will Ferrel and Jamie Foxx providing the main voices. Tons of NSFW humor. Will's character is dumped by his owner. He meets some strays and determines he will find his ahole owner and bite his d*ck off. Its a filthy Homeward Bound. There were a few scenes that made me laugh out loud, including one with fireworks. This is like Cocaine Bear. You know what you are signing up for beforehand so just giggle like you did in high school. 5/10

Fast X (Peacock) - It's all about family. Mamoa is now the bad guy and is targeting everyone in Dom's life. He even has to team up with enemies and everyone is scattered while Mamoa tries to kill everyone. Leaves on a cliffhanger for part 2. Look you don't watch these for the plot. Its just cool things happening and stuff blowing up. If you can accept that then you will enjoy this. 5/10.

Haunted Mansion (Disney +) - The most recent remake based on the ride. A ghost has taken over a home and is trying to steal his 999th soul so he can escape. Once you enter the house you are haunted until you come back. A mother and son move in and eventually have a team of people with them trying to stop the ghost.

Tried this as a family film. The wife loved it, our 3 year old tapped out to color and our 11 year old left after realizing there would be no boobs or decapitations like the cool horror movies he can watch now. Lots of Easter eggs in relation to the ride and it honestly wasn't horrible outside of Rosario Dawson being in it. Owen Wilson and Danny Devito stole this one with their one liners. 6/10.

Reptile (Netflix) - Benecio Del Toro and Alicia Silverstone. Del Toro is a detective with a shady past and Silverstone is his wife that is willing to help him with his cases. When a the girlfriend/assistant to a wealthy real estate developer (Timberlake) is murdered it sets off an investigation that provides many twists and turns about who is and isn't corrupt in the town they live in.

This movie is descent and could be a good one to watch with the wife if they like these. Plus Silverstone is still hot. 7/10

The Machine (Netflix) - Stars some comedian and Luke Skywalker. The movie is based on the comedians bit about a summer abroad trip to Russia in college. In the movie the head of the Russian Mafia hears his bit and sends his people to retrieve him. Turns out his story wasn't just a bit and now he has to help them track down an item stolen that night. His dad tags along. Lots of drinking, fighting, killing etc. Once again, you go into this one knowing its not being nominated for any Oscars and just hoping it provides a few laughs which it will. 5/10

 

[gingerlover]

Totally Killer (Prime) - This is a new teen horror comedy that came in with a lot of buzz. The only person I really recognized outside of a Randall Park cameo is that the mom is played by the blonde from Modern Family. The story is that in 1987 the mom is the survivor of a serial killer that murdered her 3 best friends. Now she is an overprotective mom with a rebellious to cool daughter in the present day. The killer returns and finally gets the mom. While grieving in the abandoned amusement park the killer comes after the daughter and while hiding in a photo booth her friend turned into a time machine she goes back in time (trust me they make sure to constantly point out how ridiculous it is, part of the gag). She arrives in 1987 right before the killings happen and decide to stop them, which would eventually save her mom. However not everything goes to plan and history is being rewritten as she communicates through crime scene photos to her friend in the present time and a reporter who covered the killings showing events and memories changing. Will she be able to stop the killer and get back, without changing to much?

This one is actually pretty fun. When she first arrives back in time there are a few fish out of water scenes that were pretty funny (dodgeball) and a few moments of her cringe worthily pointing non PC compliant things, but is a pretty fun movie that you could watch with middle and high school kids. 6.5/10

Burial (Prime) - Tommy Lee Jones & Jamie Foxx star. Based on true events. A funeral home director is swindled by a large corporation in Mississippi. Despite everyone telling him he's crazy he hires a flashy attorney to represent him in his case. Has some heart, some laughs and is a feel good story. I'm sure much of it is fluffed up for the general audience. 6/10

Old Dads (Netflix) - Bill Burr stars as a man who became a father at an older age and is having a hard time fitting in with the younger generations. His anger and non PC attitude almost cost him everything and he has to figure out how to coexist in this world.

This movie started out hilarious and was spot on to how many of us feel with the snow flakes today. The problem is in the back half of the movie no one takes his side so he learns to bend the knee externally, even if inside he is dying. 6/10.

The Meg 2 (Max) - Jason Statham in the sequal. Not much to this. Monster sharks and other things get lose again thanks to bad guys trying to mine in the trench. Statham does cool stuff. Once again this is something similar to Cocaine Bear. If you are looking for a master piece your on the wrong movie. Can tell this one was made with China as the main target audience and at times felt like everyone was dubbed. 5/10

 

[MJMGator]

How do y’all sit through all these sh*tty movies?

 

[TLB]

How do y’all sit through all these sh*tty movies?

Shear determination - either to find a nugget worth being seen, or to save you the time and trouble. There may be some misplaced self masochism involved.

 

[TLB]

Spy Game (2001) <Netflix>

IMDB: Retiring CIA agent Nathan Muir recalls his training of Tom Bishop while working against agency politics to free him from his Chinese captors.

TLB: Couldn't tell if I'd seen this already (I had), but it was leaving Netflix so I figured to give it a run (again). Being made in 2001 is relevant as it has Robert Redford as a CIA handler who recruits Brad Pitt from the Vietnam war as an asset, given his sniper skils and general ability to handle situations unflapped. The 2001 setting has Redford about to retire, but Pitt is caught in China going rogue. Film plays out with Redford giving flashback stories to the CIA braintrust about Pitt's background and motives, all the while trying to play a gambit to save Pitt before the CIA sacrifices him. Kinda good walk through movie's version of CIA work through the years via one agent. Has two great actors, though the action is more of being in war zones than an action movie focused on the character fights. Yes, it is a bit dated, but the writing, dialogue, and plotline all play well even today.

Final: 7.5/10

 

[TLB]

Leon: The Professional (1994) <Netflix>

IMDB: 12-year-old Mathilda is reluctantly taken in by Léon, a professional assassin, after her family is murdered. An unusual relationship forms as she becomes his protégée and learns the assassin's trade.

TLB: Most of us have already seen this, it's long been one of my favorite 'lone guy kicking ass' films, and as it is leaving Netflix as well, I wanted to catch it one more time. As most already know this film, I'll skip a breakdown* of it. This time, however, I have to say things slowed down a lot for me and I caught a lot I didn't bother with on earlier viewings - namely the depth to which the pedophilia angle was played up. All previous views, I dismissed Natalie Portman's romantic allusions as young crushes on the 'heroic' male role in her life. This time, I listened to the soundtrack as it played (more specifically the lyrics which were disturbing), and Portman's dress up roles as Madonna (taken initially as a culturally relevant icon at the time) and Marylin Monroe (taken as an attempt to connect with a figure Leon may recognize) and they are in-your-face attempts by a 12yo to appear sexy and attractive for the older man. I still loved Leon's action sequences, and Gary Oldman is perhaps one of his best villains here, but this time the viewing enjoyment was greatly dampened by the off-putting secondary theme.

Final: Normally would be 8.5/10 but I'm dropping to 7/10 from here forward.

Spoiler: storyline

For those that haven't seen it, Gary Oldman runs a DEA office in NYC that actually deals in the drugs. One of their informant type guys was holding some of their drugs and cut it, so they came back ad wiped his whole family out - except Matilda (N. Portman) who was out at the store. She returns, and walks past the ongoing crime scene in her apartment and goes to Leon's apartment at the end of the hall to ask for safety.

Leon (Jean Reno) is a man from Italy who can't read/write, he is a cleaner doing hit jobs for the local Italians and mostly keeps to himself. He lets Portman in, she learns his trade and asks to be taught the skills so she can seek revenge. Things don't go as planned and we have a final act where Oldman brings the entire NYC PD down on Leon's apartment and he blasts his way out of it.

 

[Detroitgator]

Spy Game (2001) <Netflix>

IMDB: Retiring CIA agent Nathan Muir recalls his training of Tom Bishop while working against agency politics to free him from his Chinese captors.

TLB: Couldn't tell if I'd seen this already (I had), but it was leaving Netflix so I figured to give it a run (again). Being made in 2001 is relevant as it has Robert Redford as a CIA handler who recruits Brad Pitt from the Vietnam war as an asset, given his sniper skils and general ability to handle situations unflapped. The 2001 setting has Redford about to retire, but Pitt is caught in China going rogue. Film plays out with Redford giving flashback stories to the CIA braintrust about Pitt's background and motives, all the while trying to play a gambit to save Pitt before the CIA sacrifices him. Kinda good walk through movie's version of CIA work through the years via one agent. Has two great actors, though the action is more of being in war zones than an action movie focused on the character fights. Yes, it is a bit dated, but the writing, dialogue, and plotline all play well even today.

Final: 7.5/10

I've always liked it... thought it was well done. If you haven't seen Body of Lies, it is similar in many ways, also very well done. Tony made Spy Game, Ridley made Body of Lies

 

[Detroitgator]

Leon: The Professional (1994) <Netflix>

IMDB: 12-year-old Mathilda is reluctantly taken in by Léon, a professional assassin, after her family is murdered. An unusual relationship forms as she becomes his protégée and learns the assassin's trade.

TLB: Most of us have already seen this, it's long been one of my favorite 'lone guy kicking ass' films, and as it is leaving Netflix as well, I wanted to catch it one more time. As most already know this film, I'll skip a breakdown* of it. This time, however, I have to say things slowed down a lot for me and I caught a lot I didn't bother with on earlier viewings - namely the depth to which the pedophilia angle was played up. All previous views, I dismissed Natalie Portman's romantic allusions as young crushes on the 'heroic' male role in her life. This time, I listened to the soundtrack as it played (more specifically the lyrics which were disturbing), and Portman's dress up roles as Madonna (taken initially as a culturally relevant icon at the time) and Marylin Monroe (taken as an attempt to connect with a figure Leon may recognize) and they are in-your-face attempts by a 12yo to appear sexy and attractive for the older man. I still loved Leon's action sequences, and Gary Oldman is perhaps one of his best villains here, but this time the viewing enjoyment was greatly dampened by the off-putting secondary theme.

Final: Normally would be 8.5/10 but I'm dropping to 7/10 from here forward.

Spoiler: storyline

For those that haven't seen it, Gary Oldman runs a DEA office in NYC that actually deals in the drugs. One of their informant type guys was holding some of their drugs and cut it, so they came back ad wiped his whole family out - except Matilda (N. Portman) who was out at the store. She returns, and walks past the ongoing crime scene in her apartment and goes to Leon's apartment at the end of the hall to ask for safety.

Leon (Jean Reno) is a man from Italy who can't read/write, he is a cleaner doing hit jobs for the local Italians and mostly keeps to himself. He lets Portman in, she learns his trade and asks to be taught the skills so she can seek revenge. Things don't go as planned and we have a final act where Oldman brings the entire NYC PD down on Leon's apartment and he blasts his way out of it.

I'm a fan of a LOT of Luc Besson movies, but yeah, the pedo element of Leon was never lost on me. His career was killed in the #metoo movement (probably correctly). He basically made La Femme Nikita twice (and Point of No Return was another remake, but not Besson), with Anna being the remake. A lot of people knocked Anna, but I really, really like it

 

[TLB]

Columbiana (2011) <Netflix>

IMDB:

TLB: I'll start by saying I chose this based on a trivia note from Leon:

It has been claimed that Luc Besson has written the script for a sequel, which Olivier Megaton was to direct and in which Natalie Portman would reprise the Mathilda role. Filming was to be delayed until Portman was a bit older. However, in the meantime, Besson left Gaumont Film Company to start his own movie studio, EuropaCorp. Unhappy at Besson's departure, Gaumont Film Company "has held Léon: The Professional's rights close to the vest - and will not budge". According to Megaton, the sequel will more than likely never happen. Besson used the idea for Colombiana (2011).

The idea of a sequel was appealing. Though, noting Luc Besson wrote/directed Nikita (1990), Point of No Return (1993 remake of Nikita), and Leon (1994), I had to wonder what else he had left in the creative tank. For this 'sequel, but not a sequel' we start in Columbia where a drug lord wipes out a family...except a young 12yo girl. The girl goes out a window and is chased across the Bogata rooftops as she and the baddies do parkour a bit. Jump forward, she landed in the US and grew up with her Uncle who taught her the skills and she has become a professional hitman. She uses these skills to primarily target members of the Columbian cartel in the US. We have FBI trying to track her down and being overly obtuse, her uncle warning her to not be on a crusade, and Zoe Saldana as Cataleya, our killer. Saldana never wears a bra, just thin t-shirts with high beams, except when she wears only a bra (that hides more than the t-shirts did). The kills aren't inspiring, her 'tagging' the victims is confusing the FBI and meant as a message to the cartel, and all in all this is below a 'meh' in terms of watchability.

Final: 5.5/10 could have been worse, could have been much, much better.

 

[TLB]

I'm a fan of a LOT of Luc Besson movies, but yeah, the pedo element of Leon was never lost on me. His career was killed in the #metoo movement (probably correctly). He basically made La Femme Nikita twice (and Point of No Return was another remake, but not Besson), with Anna being the remake. A lot of people knocked Anna, but I really, really like it

Dammit...I'm still typing, I'm getting there!!!

 

[Detroitgator]

Dammit...I'm still typing, I'm getting there!!!

I lol'd

 

[TLB]

Reservoir Dogs (1992)


Been about 3y since I watched this. Needed to cleanse my mind after Columbiana.

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Partly inspired by the recent quote here about 'check out the big brain on brad', I went back to watch this one again. I had downloaded a copy of the 10y anniversary edition to hear the narration and comment soundtrack, but it utterly sucked. Seemed like someone took a ton of audio quotes from various interviews and just pasted them in randomly - no flow, no connection to the current scene, etc. So, back to just enjoying the movie on it's own, and it was pretty damn good all these years later. It's showing it's age a bit, which, given it's had 25+ years of others who built off the impact it made will dim it's spotlight a bit. But, it still has that gritty feel, and the torture scene carries a lot of the original impact. Character development, and story overlaps are still enjoyable this many years later. Definitely a good spend of time. 9/10.

yeah, not much different. Greatly appreciate the small set (warehouse) for the bulk of the interactions, with some flashbacks. Dialogue was so Tarantino (forgot he was Mr. Brown who got killed early). All in all, still a solid classic worth a rewatch.

Final: Still 9/10

 

[Detroitgator]

Columbiana (2011) <Netflix>

IMDB:

TLB: I'll start by saying I chose this based on a trivia note from Leon:

The idea of a sequel was appealing. Though, noting Luc Besson wrote/directed Nikita (1990), Point of No Return (1993 remake of Nikita), and Leon (1994), I had to wonder what else he had left in the creative tank. For this 'sequel, but not a sequel' we start in Columbia where a drug lord wipes out a family...except a young 12yo girl. The girl goes out a window and is chased across the Bogata rooftops as she and the baddies do parkour a bit. Jump forward, she landed in the US and grew up with her Uncle who taught her the skills and she has become a professional hitman. She uses these skills to primarily target members of the Columbian cartel in the US. We have FBI trying to track her down and being overly obtuse, her uncle warning her to not be on a crusade, and Zoe Saldana as Cataleya, our killer. Saldana never wears a bra, just thin t-shirts with high beams, except when she wears only a bra (that hides more than the t-shirts did). The kills aren't inspiring, her 'tagging' the victims is confusing the FBI and meant as a message to the cartel, and all in all this is below a 'meh' in terms of watchability.

Final: 5.5/10 could have been worse, could have been much, much better.

Agreed with your assessment of Colombiana... in your string of credits, it left out Anna, which is basically a variation on La Femme Nikita/Point of No Return. I think Colombiana would have been better if Besson had directed it, but he had "groomed" (pun intended) this guy to start directing stuff after his work on Hitman (and while I like Hitman, it's not all that good, but that in and of itself explains the director of Colombiana).