Wednesday Worsts….Thanksgiving Fails
- Thread starter CDGator
- Start date
- Aug 2, 2017
- 1,645
- 4,350
No Thanksgiving Fails thread would be complete without one of the funniest TV scenes ever filmed. You’re welcome!
- Jul 24, 2020
- 16,055
- 44,535
- Aug 2, 2017
- 1,645
- 4,350
After way too many Bloody Marys, a buddy of mine decided to try frying his turkey for the first time. He placed the open flame fryer on his wooden deck and filled the frying tub to the brim with oil. When he dropped his oversized turkey into the boiling oil, the excess of course spilled over the sides. The oil then spilled over onto the deck where it was ignited by the open flame. His first instinct was to of course to stomp out the flames with his flip flop protected feet, resulting immediately in the loss of all his leg hair and his flip flops now literally leaving footsteps of fire wherever he went. Luckily a less inebriated friend found the fire extinguisher under the kitchen sink and was able to put it all out before it spread to the house. My friend was lucky just to have lost his leg hairs and amazingly didn’t have any burns on his feet. I think he said they had frozen pizza that evening and were thankful his first, and last, turkey fry didn’t make the local news!
- Jul 24, 2020
- 16,055
- 44,535
Crazy, Flying. He is very fortunate.
We've fried a turkey once on the porch in the big pot of oil. It was successful but stressful and I don't recall anything about the taste. I only remember how dangerous it could have been. Not worth the potential loss of property, life or hospital bills.
This happened at Christmas time a couple of years ago but it was with turkeys and it was a big fail. For over 10 years I was tasked with cooking the turkeys for the family because it didn't come out tasting like shoe leather. (The secret is brining them first) We would do 3-4 turkey breasts for about 50 people. I suspect that it was the turkey that gave almost everyone food poisoning but we never really confirmed that it was the source. Regardless, I won't cook the turkeys for the family anymore! Win - win!
We've fried a turkey once on the porch in the big pot of oil. It was successful but stressful and I don't recall anything about the taste. I only remember how dangerous it could have been. Not worth the potential loss of property, life or hospital bills.
This happened at Christmas time a couple of years ago but it was with turkeys and it was a big fail. For over 10 years I was tasked with cooking the turkeys for the family because it didn't come out tasting like shoe leather. (The secret is brining them first) We would do 3-4 turkey breasts for about 50 people. I suspect that it was the turkey that gave almost everyone food poisoning but we never really confirmed that it was the source. Regardless, I won't cook the turkeys for the family anymore! Win - win!
Last edited:
- Jun 12, 2014
- 8,990
- 32,510
Founding Member
I was gonna say
but @FlyingGator beat me to it (didn’t happen to me, but a work buddy about burned his garage up). We really like turkey at Thanksgiving done traditionally, smoked, etc. That said, this may be the biggest modern Thanksgiving disaster…
but @FlyingGator beat me to it (didn’t happen to me, but a work buddy about burned his garage up). We really like turkey at Thanksgiving done traditionally, smoked, etc. That said, this may be the biggest modern Thanksgiving disaster…
- Jul 24, 2020
- 16,055
- 44,535
One year mom made a peanut butter ham. It's a ham covered in peanut butter. It's every bit as bad as it sounds.
- Sep 20, 2014
- 3,926
- 4,677
Nothing to crazy, but one I never let my wife forget. The first Thanksgiving in our new house my wife wanted to do it instead of her moms. Ended up putting the beater in the mashed potatoes to far and had them littered with teflon flakes. We still have the pot and it still has the marks.
- Jun 12, 2014
- 9,654
- 25,766
Founding Member
- Jul 24, 2020
- 16,055
- 44,535
- Sep 4, 2014
- 21,394
- 79,954
How marshmallows have made it as far as they have is a miracle. Most overrated one trick pony of all time.
“Hey, what if we burn them in a fire, squish them between graham crackers and load it with chocolate? Maybe then they’d be ok. Let’s try it.”
- Jul 24, 2020
- 16,055
- 44,535
Agreed
Definitely overrated and too sticky to exist as food. However it’s an obligatory campfire food. Pro tip: use Reese’s peanut butter cups instead of Hershey’s chocolate bar on your s’more.
- Jun 12, 2014
- 9,654
- 25,766
Founding Member
It is possible to make a killer Smore with the correct technique and a little patience. I am good for 1 maybe every 2-3 years. But if you have children under the age of 15... the whole event, including cleanup, is an absolute shiit show.
We do a nice potluck at work every year for Thanksgiving. Just a couple of weeks ago, a new-ish employee wanted to make the sweet potatoes because she claimed she had the best recipe on the planet. I asked her a simple question, "Does it have a marshmallow topping?" To which she enthusiastically said yes with great pride and smiling from ear to ear. I then smugly told her that is would be terrible
So she brings it in on potluck day and she left one corner without the topping, just for me. I put a stickie note on it that said, "You will be fired if you touch this corner".
It was barely acceptable.
We do a nice potluck at work every year for Thanksgiving. Just a couple of weeks ago, a new-ish employee wanted to make the sweet potatoes because she claimed she had the best recipe on the planet. I asked her a simple question, "Does it have a marshmallow topping?" To which she enthusiastically said yes with great pride and smiling from ear to ear. I then smugly told her that is would be terrible
So she brings it in on potluck day and she left one corner without the topping, just for me. I put a stickie note on it that said, "You will be fired if you touch this corner".
It was barely acceptable.
- Sep 4, 2014
- 21,394
- 79,954
It is possible to make a killer Smore with the correct technique and a little patience. I am good for 1 maybe every 2-3 years. But if you have children under the age of 15... the whole event, including cleanup, is an absolute shiit show.
We do a nice potluck at work every year for Thanksgiving. Just a couple of weeks ago, a new-ish employee wanted to make the sweet potatoes because she claimed she had the best recipe on the planet. I asked her a simple question, "Does it have a marshmallow topping?" To which she enthusiastically said yes with great pride and smiling from ear to ear. I then smugly told her that is would be terrible
So she brings it in on potluck day and she left one corner without the topping, just for me. I put a stickie note on it that said, "You will be fired if you touch this corner".
It was barely acceptable.
The potluck story has me rolling. But the first part is so accurate. The amount of things within a 50 foot radius that will be randomly sticky days after the event, plus the cleanup of sticks and chocolate wrappers that seem to multiply overnight, makes any potential temporary enjoyment of the actual s’more completely not worth it.
- Jun 19, 2014
- 9,556
- 15,657
Founding Member
Had an aunt one time, God rest her soul, insist on glazed duck. Thank God we only had lunch there, and already had dinner lined up elsewhere.
- Jun 12, 2014
- 9,654
- 25,766
Founding Member
- Aug 1, 2018
- 7,657
- 12,379
I remember, years ago now, an aunt wanted to have Thanksgiving at her house, their first time doing so. She had everybody over and we all waited patiently for the bird to be done cooking so we could eat. Within an hour of it being ready, several of us noticed an offputting smell. Sure enough, when she pulled her turkey out, her husband cut into it and viola, the innards wax-bag was inside the cavity. 
- Jun 12, 2014
- 8,990
- 32,510
Founding Member
- Dec 23, 2015
- 5,104
- 26,781
Although sometimes I kind of like a well browned marshmallow I am not a big fan. But for something that is so similar to be so different, try roasting Peeps. Yes, marshmallow Peeps. Same principle but the texture is a little difference and the sugar on the outside carmelizes into a nice crispy shell. Much better than marshmallows. Plus it's fun to watch the eyes bug out!
For a camp program my wife and I were involved with many years ago, she actually developed and entertaining speech and assembly process to get a large group of kids fed with minimal mess and hopefully not branding each other. We refer to it as the "sharp hot pokey thing" talk.
Your double entendre comments on the name are already noted.
