Adam Lane Stinks

[GatorTAG]

 

[Ray Finkle]

I loved seeing him plop into the endzone.

He just squatted behind that tight end until there was no resistance.

 

[gardnerwebbgator]

And dip**** Dunce kept him on the bench all year.

 

[g8trs99]

Has this been confirmed? Wouldn't some media member have to ask this? I was wondering when I first say it if his pants could have split. But this area just looks too much like a Cleveland Steamer.

 

[rogdochar]

I'm sure next season he'll have a blowout game.

Especially, if they scheme a lot of runs around the end.

 

[Okeechobee Joe]

Coach McElwain needs to give Muschamp's constipated offense an enema.

 

[oxking]

And you thought you had a crappy day.

That's rich. LOL

 

[Alagator]

He really put it all out there after coach told him to let loose.

 

[TN G8tr]

Coach McElwain needs to give Muschamp's constipated offense an enema.

A Constipated Offense. A perfect example there Joe. Maybe some symbolism there by Lane. Time to dump that crap.

 

[Concrete Helmet]

Has this been confirmed?

How much more confirmation do you need??? He charded himself.

I first say it if his pants could have split.

Not likely....his pants he did sh!t

 

[PastyStoole]

Exactly. Where is that poop thread from the old GSMB?

We've all been there.

The saddest part of the GSMB shut-down was the loss of that thread. It was - and I don't like to use this word normally - epic. Someday when you kids are a bored during an offseason I'll sit you down by the fireside and re-tell my Sunday Morning 8-miler disaster story.

 

[oxrageous]

I'll re-tell my story:

Your worst nightmare: "Intestinal requirements" while driving

This is a true story that happened to me on October 12, 2007. Enjoy!

At 5:30 that evening, I left work. I was so anxious to get out of there I had been ignoring some minor stomach pains I was having.

That would prove to be a mistake.

Thirty seconds after I left the office, the first stomach cramp hit me like a wrecking ball. I gritted my teeth against the pain. At that point, I began to get alarmed, as I knew it was going to take me 15 minutes to get home. However, my arrogance never allowed me to consider turning back. I mean, this is oxrageous you’re talking about – I knew I’d make it.

The following 15 minutes were some of the longest of my life. Stabbing pains came and went. I stared straight ahead, my elbows locked, my face cheesy white. I wondered over and over if this was what labor pains felt like. My bowels would clench and unclench, and I was using every muscle I had down there to hold everything in.

The last minute of the trip was a nightmare. The look on my face must have been one of a man trying to lift a piano. There was a moment or two where I honestly thought I was going to empty everything into my front seat.

I flew into my garage, nearly taking the roof off my Jeep on the rising garage door. I jumped out of the car without bothering to take the keys out of the ignition, and staggered into the house.

This is where it gets REALLY scary, as walking upright made the problem quite a bit worse. Whatever was in there (and it felt like a 30-pound ground turkey) was going to come out whether I liked it or not - I wasn't going to get a vote. As the bathroom came into view, only my butt cheeks were holding the offensive substance out – my anus had finally surrendered.

As I stumbled into the bathroom, I saw with horror that the seat was up – I really didn’t think I even had time to put it down. Somehow I managed to drop the seat and my pants at the same time. Everything began evacuating itself as I was in mid-air, my bum headed for the bowl.

It was a dead heat.

Incredibly, there was no spillage either in my drawers, the floor, the ceiling, or the wall. Somehow, I had pulled it off. I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments.

I sat there a full ten minutes, my face buried in my hands, sweating heavily. I felt like I had given birth.

 

[78]

They say the mark of a talented writer is being able to pull the reader in.

 

[TN G8tr]

Very well written.

 

[LagoonGator68]

I'll re-tell my story:


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Impressive. But common error in judgement. Someday, if you're unlucky, I'll tell you the story of my 3 day, bedridden bout of severe food poisoning from the Philly Cheesesteak portable cart on the upper concourse of the East stands of Florida Field at halftime of the FSU game c.a. 1998 or so. The diarrhea didn't hit until about midnight, fortunately, which spared my 3 FSU buddy's the gory details on the return trip to Tally. They were already upset enough from the comeback victory by the mighty Gators in the 4th quarter as the dreary sky suddenly broke a beautiful Orange and Blue, but I digress. Suffice it to say, at this point, the affliction involved 3 days of uncontrollable diarrhea with little to no food and only a spare modicum of liquid to prevent total cardiac arrhythmia due to dehydration preceded by at least 24 hours vomiting and dry heaves. The near death experience included **** the bed from involuntary cramps while SLEEPING!
Unfortunately, or not, the GF had just moved out a couple of weeks before, so I was left to fight this deadly bug alone. Let me just say you haven't lived until you have to poke your prolapsed anal sphincter muscle back inside your rectum with your forefinger....

 

[bradgator2]

Two days before Christmas, my 5 year old daughter had a bad stomach flu. Throwing up and nasty diarrhea. She runs into the bathroom for more diarrhea, and as she just sits down she realizes she has to throw up. She doesnt know what to do. She decides to get off the toilet and hug the porcelain. As she is throwing up, her ass explodes all over the wall. People with children have seen some nasty stuff with their infants.... but this looked like a murder scene. We seriously considered burning the whole house down.

 

[Swamp Queen]

Let me just say you haven't lived until you have to poke your prolapsed anal sphincter muscle back inside your rectum with your forefinger....

Oh my freaking lord!

 

[Swamp Queen]

Two days before Christmas, my 5 year old daughter had a bad stomach flu. Throwing up and nasty diarrhea. She runs into the bathroom for more diarrhea, and as she just sits down she realizes she has to throw up. She doesnt know what to do. She decides to get off the toilet and hug the porcelain. As she is throwing up, her ass explodes all over the wall. People with children have seen some nasty stuff with their infants.... but this looked like a murder scene. We seriously considered burning the whole house down.

 

[aka]

Forever to be known as the final sharting tailback of the Muschamp era.

 

[Ray Finkle]

Two days before Christmas, my 5 year old daughter had a bad stomach flu. Throwing up and nasty diarrhea. She runs into the bathroom for more diarrhea, and as she just sits down she realizes she has to throw up. She doesnt know what to do. She decides to get off the toilet and hug the porcelain. As she is throwing up, her ass explodes all over the wall. People with children have seen some nasty stuff with their infants.... but this looked like a murder scene. We seriously considered burning the whole house down.

Last year I had a similar scenario the morning after my birthday. I spent about an hour and half bouncing between spray painting the toilet with my butt, flushing, vomiting so hard I could feel it in my chode, flushing, repeat. It was a never ending cycle until I decided it would be best to just hold the waste basket in my lap and not move. Needless to say 1/25/14 marks the last day I drank Fireball. Good times.