Hatin' Ass Spurrier

[TLB]

For those that haven't seen it, there is a periodical (near weekly?) article posted to EDSBS with this image and comments from someone speaking as Spurrier. Here's this week's take:

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Frank Beamer called losing to East Carolina a preseason game. VT plays a lot of those, evidently.

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I am gonna start calling the Longhorn defense the Bilderberg group cause they're supposedly elite but no one ever seems to see them in public.

I can see why you're still mad, though. A failure to execute properly seems like the least Texan thing possible.

Y'all must be aristocrats, Longhorns. Only ever seen rich people blame the butler for the dog ****ting on the rug.

...

Call Auburn Marshall Henderson cause they're throwing up threes against Miss State.

It took A&M five quarters to beat Arkansas, which means the Razorbacks are easier than Donkey Kong.

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Way to take Charlie Manson's record for bloodiest home invasion on the West Coast, Utah.

Don't blame the Utes, blame their state government. A lot of people have to go all the way to Oregon to legally smoke some green.

Assisted suicide is legal in Oregon, too, so Utah won't face any charges there.

This Duck dynasty got shut down so fast I had to make sure Phil Robertson didn't give an interview about Islam.

But then, they got to the UF-TN game....

Tennessee allowed so many fourth down conversions I thought Billy Graham was running the defense.

Course, I might just be confused because it's been so long since Billy or UT Football got a White House invite.

Butch Jones must have a theater degree because he only follows the three-act structure.

You think Butch has ever won a game of Connect Four?

I've been to the Cheesecake Factory with Phil Fulmer and I'll say this: he never passes up the chance to get two even if one is safer.

Butch Jones runs his program by the numbers. These numbers: seven and five.

If y'all don't like it, maybe move to Smooth Top.

There was more, but those were the ones I like.

 

[PatDooleySucks]

I think I might make this my avatar.

 

[Jand3k]

While very funny, it doesn't seem like anything Spurrier would say.

 

[SGG]

Butch Jones runs his program by the numbers. These numbers: seven and five.

 

[Captain Sasquatch]

You think Butch has ever won a game of Connect Four?

Easily the best one.

 

[Jand3k]

The one of Fulmer at The Cheesecake Factory was hilarious!

 

[Swamp Donkey]

I think I might make this my avatar.

Great idea.

 

[Swamp Donkey]

While very funny, it doesn't seem like anything Spurrier would say.

Really? Sounds like EXACTLY what he would say IMO.

 

[Hotrod]

Just like Yogi, Steve never said all the things he said.

 

[Jand3k]

If it's being quoted then he said it into a mic or to a reporter. So all the cussing doesn't sound like any previous quote I've ever heard from SOS.

Also, there are some cultural references that don't fit w/Steve.

But ok, they're ALL his quotes.

 

[Swamp Queen]

If it's being quoted then he said it into a mic or to a reporter. So all the cussing doesn't sound like any previous quote I've ever heard from SOS.

Also, there are some cultural references that don't fit w/Steve.

But ok, they're ALL his quotes.

You do realize Hatin' Ass Spurrier is a fictional character based on SOS, correct?

 

[TheDouglas78]

You do realize Hatin' Ass Spurrier is a fictional character based on SOS, correct?

 

[Swamp Donkey]

It appears we have another Vulcan in our midst.

 

[WobbleGator]

You do realize Hatin' Ass Spurrier is a fictional character based on SOS, correct?

 

[Jand3k]

You do realize Hatin' Ass Spurrier is a fictional character based on SOS, correct?

Hence why I said, "it doesn't seem like anything Spurrier would say".

 

[TLB]

This week's edition (not all, just the ones I liked)

Beat a dog like that and they'll make you the starting quarterback for the Falcons, Nick.

Last time 22 Georgians got flattened that quickly the roof fell in at a Waffle House.

Alabama's red, can't handle a Freeze, and is fatal to dogs. Y'all are poinsettias, basically.

You can see why Florida wanted to hire Freeze, though. Only took him one game to make a Gator QB look great.

I'm gonna call Texas football Tokyo cause a lizard just flattened it.

Hypocritical of ESPN to cut out Dabo because he was talking about Jesus when they let Craig James show his ass on national TV for years.

Butch Jones blows so many leads he should star in a revival of Glengarry Glen Ross.

Butch Jones works a lead about about as well as Mike Bianchi does. Love ya, Mike!

That explains why Mike Riley loves In 'N Out - he doesn't have the clock management skills to microwave a burrito.

If Mike Riley found a Hot Tub Time Machine we'd find him sitting in a toilet in 1978 screaming WHY WON'T IT WORK.

Mike Riley needs another year of preschool because you can give him all the time outs in the world and he still won't learn.

 

[TLB]

And a new release this week. Good to know his retirement hasn't effected his blog

Don't sleep on Iowa. Their schedule's so soft you'll **** up your back.

Don't know why ladies think Kliff Kingsbury is all that attractive. He's never bringing the D with him.

Gus Malzahn wants to run a drug-free team, and sure enough those boys won't be getting near a bowl.

So much for JT Barrett being the one to finish drives for Ohio State.

You thought Miami's knee was down and then they ran off. Duke, you're college football's first romantic comedy.

I watched Big Ten teams shift too slowly, have trouble with getting pulled over, and get run over by a train. You're a conference AND an elderly pedestrian, Big Ten.

Maybe Nebraska's defense is called the Blackshirts because they're so badly burnt.

Nice guys finish last is a saying, not a requirement, Mike Riley.

Vanderbilt got the real Houston experience: four hours of trying to go anywhere without moving a yard.

That offense really puts the commode in Commodore.

He's called Derek Mason because he puts up bricks.

Some people think it's inappropriate that Charlie Strong cussed out his coaches. You look at that box score and tell me Texas is capable of anything offensive.

A nice man who can't beat a lizard. You're the hero of every Godzilla movie, Mark Richt.

In the new version of Gone With The Wind, Scarlett runs away from you, Georgia.

Bauta? Bauta do what?

 

[Zambo]

Bauta throw another pick.

 

[GatorJB]

Some of those were pretty funny.

 

[Captain Sasquatch]

Gus Malzahn wants to run a drug-free team, and sure enough those boys won't be getting near a bowl.