what is bothering you

[stephenPE]

I have a friend. We met in 1979. He was a UF grad like me and loved basketball. We became close friends because we shared a small office and taught PE in a small school together. We taught together for five years. We had tons of fun with those kids. Many of whom I still communicate with and have been very successful. The school was grades k-7 so we had tiny kids and middle school kids. It was a very special part of our lives and we discuss it on occasion. Things happened and I ended up finishing my career at a smaller school and he worked for the state and retired about 7 yrs before me.

He has always been like an older brother to me. We are equals in most ways but he sees the world through much different eyes than most people I know. He challenges me and my ideas at times. His wife is an absolute saint and wonderful cook which is perfect because he is an ace gardener. They have been married about 10 years now. Maybe longer. She has multiple grandchildren and R treats them like his own. He married a whole family when he found Linda. This is all background but what bothers me is watching my friend die.

It is nor formally announced that he is terminal or with just months to live but It is plain to me and probably Linda. R has smoked his whole adult life. He is now about 72. About 5 yrs ago he gained a lot of weight and felt like shttt all the time. No energy. He went to the doctor and found he had Afib. He was so relieved knowing what it was he got off the couch and lost over 100lbs by diet and moving much more. Still had afib but used some meds for it. Then they discovered spots on his lungs and said probably cancer so he was ready to die for a year. FInally, they tested and said its some bizarre infection BUT NOT cancer. So he was relieved I guess. Then the afib was driving him nuts so he did this ablation thing recently. AFib is gone but he has breathing problems all the time now. This has him really depressed. I asked if he thought putting those fcknnn cigarettes down for a few weeks might help his breathing? He said maybe it would. But he cannot do it. Last few times I have visited and called I can tell he is really down. His wife has health problems too. I hate losing a best friend like this. We have great talks about the world and history and our careers. He is funny profane and crazy. I finally convinced him to drive us to his old neighborhood in Jax where he grew up and told me hundreds of stories about last year. It was a great day. We were gonna do the opposite and I would take him around where I grew up and do some stuff. Doesnt look like we may make it. I recently lost another old friend to cancer and we had planned a camping trip to the Ocala National Forest that never had a chance.............I shoulda picked younger friends I guess.

 

[Gatordiddy]

The lesson here - don’t fckn smoke.
Hard as hell to break the habit. both my parents smoked for decades. Both ended up finally kicking the habit but... It led to an early death for my Dad and my Mom has COPD.
nasty habit.

 

[cover2]

Sorry to hear Coach. The aspect of losing a close friend is quite unsettling. Whether we acknowledge it or not, I believe it forces us to take a look at our own mortality amidst the natural feelings of grief that well up inside. The fact that the friend has a habit that exacerbates (if not caused) the situation only adds to the gloom.

I’ve lost two of my closest friends. The most recent was four years ago. Quickly and unexpected, he sat down in his chair after supper, nodded off and never woke up. Our sons grew up together, played ball, went to school from kindergarten to graduation, and we all did a lot together. It was shocking, but we were spared the fret and worry of knowing it was coming beyond that end we all have in our future.

My other buddy died almost 20 years ago.
“Big,” as we called him, was in every way larger than life. We ran together pretty steady until I married and during that time we had more fun than the law ought to allow! Bull shooting, drinking, dancing, hunting, fishing, working, carousing, but best of all, as you mention, just talking about dreams, needs, and life in general made our friendship special.

Big didn’t get his name by accident. He was about 6’4” and at his peak weighed in close to 4 bills. He also ate, smoked, chewed, and drank big and it started catching up to him in his 30’s. In later years he would slim down considerably, but the damage was done. Diabetes and heart problems made his last few years miserable. I went to visit him in the hospital the day before he died and we talked about a lot of the good old times and what we’d do when he got discharged, though I think he knew he might never make it home. He was 42 when he died and that there should have been so much more life to be lived was more difficult to accept than if he’d have passed suddenly.

My biggest regret in the case of both close friends, even though we had great friendships and plenty of good times, was the wanting for the times to go on forever. But that’s not the way the Good Lord intended it. We are to realize how fleeting life really is and we are to live it, enjoy it, learn to struggle and overcome, and learn to give and receive love with the understanding that there is to be a conclusion. That endpoint is not what’s important; rather, how we lived it, how we grew and developed, how we loved and how we tolerated, what we stood for, all of that is what was important. In these waning years, that’s what I’m trying to learn so that the bother that peeks around the corner doesn’t ever take full command.

 

[Theologator]

So sorry, coach. There’s no making sense of it. We all make choices in life and live with the risks. His life is too short for our era and at any age death hurts. It’s the inevitable cost of love. We either lose those we love or they lose us. (Faith helps but doesn’t exempt us from grief.)

I appreciate you sharing this as it is helpful today. In a couple of hours I’ll call an old and dear friend. His wife was to decide yesterday whether or not to try treatment for cancer that was discovered way too late. She’s always been super healthy. With treatment they guess 6-9 months and a small shot at remission or cure. Without it, not long. It’s hard to be separated by this damn virus.

Another friend is in a battle with lung cancer. She’s 67, never smoked, very health conscious. She’s getting the latest and greatest treatment at Moffitt and hopeful.

It’s rough. Peace be with you.

 

[stephenPE]

That endpoint is not what’s important; rather, how we lived it, how we grew and developed, how we loved and how we tolerated, what we stood for, all of that is what was important. In these waning years, that’s what I’m trying to learn so that the bother that peeks around the corner doesn’t ever take full command.

I could not agree more. My brother died at 44. That was a shock and wake up call. I have not lost a close friend yet but I can see bunches coming soon possibly. The hardest will be my other brother. He is the truest friend I have and has always had my back no matter what. I have found as I age I have more and more people to pray for.

I appreciate you sharing this as it is helpful today. In a couple of hours I’ll call an old and dear friend. His wife was to decide yesterday whether or not to try treatment for cancer that was discovered way too late. She’s always been super healthy. With treatment they guess 6-9 months and a small shot at remission or cure. Without it, not long. It’s hard to be separated by this damn virus.

Death and taxes. I really hate the cancer thing. Its like the lottery but one you do NOT want to win. It is true that we should live each day as if it could be our last. I never feared death. My only fear was going before my kids were old enough to do without me. The oldest are 31 and 36. I made it. Then stupidly I started over 15 yrs ago and have a 12 and 15 yr old.............Im trying to live as healthy as I can..........

 

[daytonacane]

The lesson here - don’t fckn smoke.
Hard as hell to break the habit. both my parents smoked for decades. Both ended up finally kicking the habit but... It led to an early death for my Dad and my Mom has COPD.
nasty habit.

So true. As a teenager in the 50's, most everyone smoked - magazine & TV ads projected it to be glamerous and sophisticated. Boy do I rue the day I started. I was in college and 21 when I began and did not quit until I was 75 (I will be 82 in 2 days(, I had a doctor tell me that ceasing to smoke was the equivalent of stopping heroin.

am a believer of mind over matter and at age 75 had to have a pacemaker. I never smoked another cigarette, nor have I ever had a desire for one since insertion of the pacemaker. Guess I finally received a wake-up call and quit this nasty habit. I have never smoked marijuana as I was afraid I would like it too much & didn't want to acquire any more bad habits. I am now bad-habit free with the exception of letting a few bad words fly occasionally (particularly after the FIU game last year).

 

[Gatordiddy]

So true. As a teenager in the 50's, most everyone smoked - magazine & TV ads projected it to be glamerous and sophisticated. Boy do I rue the day I started. I was in college and 21 when I began and did not quit until I was 75 (I will be 82 in 2 days(, I had a doctor tell me that ceasing to smoke was the equivalent of stopping heroin.

am a believer of mind over matter and at age 75 had to have a pacemaker. I never smoked another cigarette, nor have I ever had a desire for one since insertion of the pacemaker. Guess I finally received a wake-up call and quit this nasty habit. I have never smoked marijuana as I was afraid I would like it too much & didn't want to acquire any more bad habits. I am now bad-habit free with the exception of letting a few bad words fly occasionally (particularly after the FIU game last year).

So the pacemaker was the kicker to get you off the cigarettes? I know my Dad quit cold turkey but gained a lot of weight. I am so glad that I never started. I think seeing my parents and the nasty habit, not to mention the money they spent on the cartons, convinced me it was a bad idea. That and none of my buddies smoked cigarettes, so that probably helped as well. We sure did drink some beer though, but playing sports all the time prevented a lot of the mischief... for the most part.

 

[daytonacane]

I could not agree more. My brother died at 44. That was a shock and wake up call. I have not lost a close friend yet but I can see bunches coming soon possibly. The hardest will be my other brother. He is the truest friend I have and has always had my back no matter what. I have found as I age I have more and more people to pray for.

Death and taxes. I really hate the cancer thing. Its like the lottery but one you do NOT want to win. It is true that we should live each day as if it could be our last. I never feared death. My only fear was going before my kids were old enough to do without me. The oldest are 31 and 36. I made it. Then stupidly I started over 15 yrs ago and have a 12 and 15 yr old.............Im trying to live as healthy as I can..........

stephen, your 12 & 15 year olds are probably keeping you on the go a lot and perhaps healthier in the long run.

 

[deuce]

I worked in asbestos dust in my early twenties, my life is like standing on the tracks and watching a train come everyday....

 

[Gatorbait25]

Morons like this . I almost wish I could’ve caught the lazy bastard , so I could whip some sense into the good for nothing sack of **** .

 

[cover2]

@deuce Have you had health problems associated with early exposure? I’ve worried about that kind of thing a little as I worked around asbestos in some construction (and destruction) jobs for a few years. But a couple of other health problems came along in my 50’s, so I haven’t thought much about it lately.

Not to sound trite, but if it isn’t bothering you, try not to dwell on it. There’s too many other things that life throws at you that are of immediate concern. It was hard for me as a guy that always planned ahead and kept an eye toward the future to learn to live one day at a time. Once I did, life became infinitely better.

 

[deuce]

Morons like this . I almost wish I could’ve caught the lazy bastard , so I could whip some sense into the good for nothing sack of **** .

What am I missing here?

 

[deuce]

@deuce Have you had health problems associated with early exposure? I’ve worried about that kind of thing a little as I worked around asbestos in some construction (and destruction) jobs for a few years. But a couple of other health problems came along in my 50’s, so I haven’t thought much about it lately.

Not to sound trite, but if it isn’t bothering you, try not to dwell on it. There’s too many other things that life throws at you that are of immediate concern. It was hard for me as a guy that always planned ahead and kept an eye toward the future to learn to live one day at a time. Once I did, life became infinitely better.

I've had respiratory issues for years. Decreased lung function, Doctors say nothing to do but try not to get anything that could morph into Pneumonia. Wonderful advice, don't you think?

 

[cover2]

I've had respiratory issues for years. Decreased lung function, Doctors say nothing to do but try not to get anything that could morph into Pneumonia. Wonderful advice, don't you think?

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you live somewhere relatively warm and dry. Forgive me for the feel good wishes. I don’t have respiratory issues, but I do have a cancerous condition that has about killed my kidneys. I’ve got a good chemo regimen that keeps the cancer in check, but I’m ultimately looking at dialysis. Lack of energy is what I fight daily. I was told to “adapt” my activities to what I can do. For me that’s been like going from a monster truck to a Tonka toy. Golf, fishing, some hunting, and walking is about as tough as I can do. Sucks to live like this, but it beats the alternative. My wife and kids give me something to strive for. I got the long face from the doctors in Tallahassee. Made a point to go to Shands. It has been a game changer for me. All have been very encouraging. Wishing you the best.

 

[deuce]

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you live somewhere relatively warm and dry. Forgive me for the feel good wishes. I don’t have respiratory issues, but I do have a cancerous condition that has about killed my kidneys. I’ve got a good chemo regimen that keeps the cancer in check, but I’m ultimately looking at dialysis. Lack of energy is what I fight daily. I was told to “adapt” my activities to what I can do. For me that’s been like going from a monster truck to a Tonka toy. Golf, fishing, some hunting, and walking is about as tough as I can do. Sucks to live like this, but it beats the alternative. My wife and kids give me something to strive for. I got the long face from the doctors in Tallahassee. Made a point to go to Shands. It has been a game changer for me. All have been very encouraging. Wishing you the best.

But, life is good! Best wishes to you also.

 

[Gatordiddy]

What am I missing here?

Might have to do with lazy ass people not putting their carts in the corral

 

[crosscreekcooter]

View attachment 20790

Morons like this . I almost wish I could’ve caught the lazy bastard , so I could whip some sense into the good for nothing sack of **** .

That schit infuriates me. Im one of those dumb schits that usually returns the cart to the store. What really pisses me off is when some cs pushes their cart in between two other cars. Usually the cart corral is just as close as where they dump their cart.
@Gatorbait25 -that looks like the Publix parking lot on Merrill Rd.

 

[Gatorbait25]

That schit infuriates me. Im one of those dumb schits that usually returns the cart to the store. What really pisses me off is when some cs pushes their cart in between two other cars. Usually the cart corral is just as close as where they dump their cart.
@Gatorbait25 -that looks like the Publix parking lot on Merrill Rd.

It drives me crazy . I hate lazy people. This was a Publix in N Atlanta burbs .

 

[MJMGator]

It drives me crazy . I hate lazy people. This was a Publix in N Atlanta burbs .

Then you must hate Atlanta. Worst workforce in the southeast.

 

[Zambo]

People who piss all over the public bathroom.
People who don't put the damn shopping cart in the corral
People who sit in the parking lot blocking the lane with their car waiting for somebody to back out of a space when there is an open space 30 feet away.
People who tailgate
People who pass you, move into your lane, and then slow down so you have to hit the brakes
People who tighten twisty-ties counter clockwise
People who cut into the off ramp lane at the last second in front of a hundred people who have been waiting to take the exit
People who see your turn signal as an invitation to cut you off
People who talk on the speakerphone in public
People who talk on the phone loud enough for everyone within 50 feet to hear the conversation
People who go through the drive through and order all kinds of special schyt that takes forever to prepare
People that wear tank tops on airplanes