Coaching candidates for 2024

[GatorInGeorgia]

The new coach better have a spread peanut butter offense that goes to the edges of the field.



"The guys come up to the office and I actually make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when they're up there," said McElwain. "I teach them to get it right to the edge like my mother used to do. My mom took pride in buttering toast that got all the way to the edge and same thing with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"I'm a firm believer in the longer the shelf life, the better it's going to taste. I don't think Uncrustables have shelf life, so that makes a heck of a sandwich. Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, that's sustainable food. I like that."

We've also found out that stud freshman receiver Antonio Callaway does not like crust on his sandwiches. McElwain obliged by tailoring the food to Callaway's liking.

"You focus on making sure that [the peanut butter and jelly] gets all the way to the crust. Then of course I did that and Antonio Callaway doesn't like crust, so I had to cut the crust off. It's a true story."



Jeremy Foley slept over at this weirdos house to" seal the deal" and hire him as coach.

Butters & Foley probably spread PBJ in and on each others’ a-holes & cawks and went to town on each other in the dark of night. This guy McElwain was a real kook. Foley, too, for noticing and still hiring this guy.

 

[GatorInGeorgia]

Bring us another natty and he can have all the coed tail he wants.

No. Contractually obligate him to bang co-eds like he did his first go around here. It was an extremely successful tactic back then.

 

[Egor's Assistant]

Butters & Foley probably spread PBJ in and on each others’ a-holes & cawks and went to town on each other in the dark of night. This guy McElwain was a real kook. Foley, too, for noticing and still hiring this guy.

Maybe afterwards, Butters promised him a portion of the millions in buy-out $$$$ when he gets fired 2.5 years later. Hmmmmm.

 

[GatorInGeorgia]

I think we need to consider coaches with NFL HC experience. Worked out well at USC with Pete Carroll. I’m thinking Bill Cowher, Bill Parcels, maybe Tony Dungy. I think all 3 would light it up here.


Okay, obviously I’m joking about that. I think Urban is interested so he should be towards the top of the list. Lanning, Day, Kiffin and several others that have already been mentioned in this thread should all be contacted to see if we can lure them away.

If we can’t, then I wouldn’t sleep on Eli Drinkwitz. I’m not saying he should be at the top of the list but he’s done a good job at Missouri and appears to grasp the concept of being a HC, meaning he’s learned his primary role is being CEO, not his own bumbling, stumbling OC and the cheerleader for all the opposing teams that beat his azz.

 

[Egor's Assistant]

View attachment 65110

NIL and buyouts and facilities dont come from UAA money...it comes from donors. Notice ole scotty boy sitting in that fancy baseball stadium built with football $

Shouldn't any annual buy-out payments come from the yearly operations budget? Is it really asked of the Boosters to pay off these sh!tty contracts? Man, we need better representation. It damn near extortion.

So you want a new coach, huh? Well, we going to need you to crowd source the funds to fire this S.O.B. We're gonna need about 30 Mil for the buyout and then another 100 Mil to go after Urban.

So basically hiring and firing sh!t coaches doesn't cost the UAA fuch all. It's practically a fund raising tactic.

 

[GatorInGeorgia]

Maybe afterwards, Butters promised him a portion of the millions in buy-out $$$$ when he gets fired 2.5 years later. Hmmmmm.

 

[TheDouglas78]

Shouldn't any annual buy-out payments come from the yearly operations budget? Is it really asked of the Boosters to pay off these sh!tty contracts? Man, we need better representation. It damn near extortion.

So you want a new coach, huh? Well, we going to need you to crowd source the funds to fire this S.O.B. We're gonna need about 30 Mil for the buyout and then another 100 Mil to go after Urban.

So basically hiring and firing sh!t coaches doesn't cost the UAA fuch all. It's practically a fund raising tactic.

schitty tactic but it works

 

[RocketCityGator]

completely agree, but we are talking about upgrades. at this point in napier's tenure, wouldnt you consider him an upgrade?

Sure, but I would consider Claribel an upgrade. It makes no sense to me to trade one problem coach/staff for another one. Conduct a coaching search the correct way, looking for energetic, innovative candidates and properly vet them. Knew jerk reactions such as "Kiffin would be a definite upgrade" would just perpetuate the chronic lack of effort on the AD. There are several P5 coaches, besides Kiffin, that would work. I also firmly believe that there have to be some G5 coaches worth a look and even some coordinators. We need an AD that can properly conduct a freakin search.

 

[5-Star Finger]

He isnt actively lovbying for the job. There are too many other places that will pay better, give him every staff/monetary advantage etc., and have much easier paths to a championship.

I think he will get bored eventually but it wont be to return to UF. He knows we handcuff our coaches.

Don't underestimate the size of his ego. Coming back to this trash heap and winning it all again would put him in some conversations he wants to be in.

 

[Egor's Assistant]

There are several P5 coaches, besides Kiffin, that would work. I also firmly believe that there have to be some G5 coaches worth a look and even some coordinators.

Name names. Leave nothing out. I'm certain you'd want Mullen back.

 

[Spurdog98]

Jason Garrett is available.

 

[Gatorbait25]

I think we need to consider coaches with NFL HC experience. Worked out well at USC with Pete Carroll. I’m thinking Bill Cowher, Bill Parcels, maybe Tony Dungy. I think all 3 would light it up here.


Okay, obviously I’m joking about that. I think Urban is interested so he should be towards the top of the list. Lanning, Day, Kiffin and several others that have already been mentioned in this thread should all be contacted to see if we can lure them away.

If we can’t, then I wouldn’t sleep on Eli Drinkwitz. I’m not saying he should be at the top of the list but he’s done a good job at Missouri and appears to grasp the concept of being a HC, meaning he’s learned his primary role is being CEO, not his own bumbling, stumbling OC and the cheerleader for all the opposing teams that beat his azz.

Drinkwitz is an annoying pissant with the most punchable face in college football. Hard pass. Piss on that son of a bitch .

 

[Spurdog98]

Drinkwitz is an annoying pissant with the most punchable face in college football. Hard pass. Piss on that son of a bitch .

And a stupid fuqing name. Rhymes with Berkowitz and Dershowitz. GTFOH!!!

 

[aka]

And a stupid fuqing name. Rhymes with Berkowitz and Dershowitz. GTFOH!!!

In spite of their names, those guys were very competent in their field.

 

[AuggieDosta]

I'm pissed CBN didn't jump at bringing him in. Kerwin Bell would never choose to be an OC for another coach again and is only accepting HBC roles. But, his son would be perfect here.

 

[Joegator96]

I'm pissed CBN didn't jump at bringing him in. Kerwin Bell would never choose to be an OC for another coach again and is only accepting HBC roles. But, his son would be perfect here.

Running BN's offense? Really?

 

[Swamp Donkey]

Running BN's offense? Really?

and a 9 or 10 month rental? I don't blame him if he turned it down.

 

[AuggieDosta]

Running BN's offense? Really?

Well, even if you're right, taking the playsheet out of CBN's hands would have to be better.
But, I doubt that would be the case yet some form of it, in year one, due to familiarity with current players would be most likely.
However, even if he had to strictly run CBN's offensive plays, he would surely do so with more sense and flow and ability to take advantage of momentum. He would, also, surely be able to call Billy's plays in a timely manner without the need to burn timeouts after a TV timeout or previously called penalty which already stopped the clock.

 

[Fun N' Stun]

Butters & Foley probably spread PBJ in and on each others’ a-holes & cawks and went to town on each other in the dark of night. This guy McElwain was a real kook. Foley, too, for noticing and still hiring this guy.

Lmao

 

[GBHOR]

Name names. Leave nothing out. I'm certain you'd want Mullen back.

Well Mullen>Napsgear at the moment