- Jun 12, 2014
- 2,100
- 5,838
Founding Member
With apologies to Jim McElwain, eponymously named game analysis posts on Gatorchatter have officially "jumped the shark." In that spirit, here is "Pasty's Stool," the first and probably last analysis of a football game you'll ever see from me.
First the good news, and a few things to cheer you up.
1) Jameis Winston turned the ball over six times yesterday. He threw five picks against one TD and fumbled twice, losing one. He's far and away the most turnover-prone player in the NFL since 2015, and to add to the good news cavalcade, he apparently didn't sexually assault a soul during his stay in London. I realize this doesn't have anything to do with the LSU game, but I think you'll all agree that Gator fans everywhere are happier today knowing that the female population in London somehow managed to avert this maniacal, interception-throwing octopus.
2) Kyle Trask is the real deal. He has got the kind of grit, resilience, and character that prove that the summers he spent in conversion therapy camp at the behest of his evangelical preacher father have paid off. This dude is a gamer if there ever was one. We are so much better off with him under center than Feleipe Franks. Every time I thought we were out of it, he stepped up and marched the team down the field. We lost, but it certainly wasn't his fault.
3) This loss doesn't matter. That's right, you heard me correctly. If we want to win the East we still need to beat South Carolina and Georgia, just like we needed to last Friday. If we want to make the playoff we still need to do that, plus *cough* beat Alabama or LSU in a rematch.
Ok, now the bad news:
1) Have you ever fed grease to a goose? I have, (don't ask me the circumstance or why, but trust me, it's a mess), and that's basically what our defense looked like against the LSU offense. I honestly can't remember a worse defensive performance. The only thing that saved us was the fact that we held the ball for so long. They were averaging twelve yards a play in the first half, and that included a kneel. There were parts of the game that made me feel like the defense had given up, not out of lack of desire, but out of complete exasperation and a desperate hope to just stop the play before it got to the goal line. I have very little confidence in that unit at the moment. They got lucky a few times early in the season, and they do need to get credit for their red zone effort going into the LSU game, but this issue is a real wildcard, and it could be our biggest concern going forward. The impact of Greenard not playing was pretty obvious. That guy's a disruptive monster and if he's out of the South Carolina and Georgia games, we have an issue.
2) Dan Mullen is too cute for his own good. There is nothing particularly impressive or intimidating about LSUs defense, they were tiring, we were moving the ball against them, we have a QB who is very good in my opinion. As much as I like Emory Jones, there is no reason to repeatedly bring him in to run the wildcat, which is the most telegraphing formation in football. Everybody knows the QB is going to run the ball more often than not. You may get away with it for a few downs, but by the second half, they are going to stuff it. Trask was having a great night. Why take the ball out of his hands with a halfback pass or by bringing in a new QB? The stupidity in the name of being "clever" here is astounding. This reminds me of that fake punt against Auburn. Mullen thinks he's fooling everyone, no one told him that he's only fooling himself.
3) When you shuffle QBs in and out, you lose rhythm, your clock management suffers, and your starting QB gets out of sync. When Mullen shuffled QBs, we lost valuable time, a timeout, and we gave the LSU defense time to gather themselves. We had them on their heels and, again, Mullen got full of himself and blew it.
4) Someone needs to teach the defense how to get set before a play when the opponent is running the hurry-up. Every single OC worth his salt will want to run the hurry-up against us. We looked embarrassingly unprepared for it, and that's on Grantham. Guys weren't lined up so often that it was like we playing 9 vs. 11 most of the time. Ridiculous and shameful.
5) LSU chicks may be hotter than ours. At the very least, they dress more provocatively at football games and generously bounce around more.
First the good news, and a few things to cheer you up.
1) Jameis Winston turned the ball over six times yesterday. He threw five picks against one TD and fumbled twice, losing one. He's far and away the most turnover-prone player in the NFL since 2015, and to add to the good news cavalcade, he apparently didn't sexually assault a soul during his stay in London. I realize this doesn't have anything to do with the LSU game, but I think you'll all agree that Gator fans everywhere are happier today knowing that the female population in London somehow managed to avert this maniacal, interception-throwing octopus.
2) Kyle Trask is the real deal. He has got the kind of grit, resilience, and character that prove that the summers he spent in conversion therapy camp at the behest of his evangelical preacher father have paid off. This dude is a gamer if there ever was one. We are so much better off with him under center than Feleipe Franks. Every time I thought we were out of it, he stepped up and marched the team down the field. We lost, but it certainly wasn't his fault.
3) This loss doesn't matter. That's right, you heard me correctly. If we want to win the East we still need to beat South Carolina and Georgia, just like we needed to last Friday. If we want to make the playoff we still need to do that, plus *cough* beat Alabama or LSU in a rematch.
Ok, now the bad news:
1) Have you ever fed grease to a goose? I have, (don't ask me the circumstance or why, but trust me, it's a mess), and that's basically what our defense looked like against the LSU offense. I honestly can't remember a worse defensive performance. The only thing that saved us was the fact that we held the ball for so long. They were averaging twelve yards a play in the first half, and that included a kneel. There were parts of the game that made me feel like the defense had given up, not out of lack of desire, but out of complete exasperation and a desperate hope to just stop the play before it got to the goal line. I have very little confidence in that unit at the moment. They got lucky a few times early in the season, and they do need to get credit for their red zone effort going into the LSU game, but this issue is a real wildcard, and it could be our biggest concern going forward. The impact of Greenard not playing was pretty obvious. That guy's a disruptive monster and if he's out of the South Carolina and Georgia games, we have an issue.
2) Dan Mullen is too cute for his own good. There is nothing particularly impressive or intimidating about LSUs defense, they were tiring, we were moving the ball against them, we have a QB who is very good in my opinion. As much as I like Emory Jones, there is no reason to repeatedly bring him in to run the wildcat, which is the most telegraphing formation in football. Everybody knows the QB is going to run the ball more often than not. You may get away with it for a few downs, but by the second half, they are going to stuff it. Trask was having a great night. Why take the ball out of his hands with a halfback pass or by bringing in a new QB? The stupidity in the name of being "clever" here is astounding. This reminds me of that fake punt against Auburn. Mullen thinks he's fooling everyone, no one told him that he's only fooling himself.
3) When you shuffle QBs in and out, you lose rhythm, your clock management suffers, and your starting QB gets out of sync. When Mullen shuffled QBs, we lost valuable time, a timeout, and we gave the LSU defense time to gather themselves. We had them on their heels and, again, Mullen got full of himself and blew it.
4) Someone needs to teach the defense how to get set before a play when the opponent is running the hurry-up. Every single OC worth his salt will want to run the hurry-up against us. We looked embarrassingly unprepared for it, and that's on Grantham. Guys weren't lined up so often that it was like we playing 9 vs. 11 most of the time. Ridiculous and shameful.
5) LSU chicks may be hotter than ours. At the very least, they dress more provocatively at football games and generously bounce around more.
Last edited: