To whip or not to whip?

Discussion in 'Home, Auto, Hobby and Computer Tech' started by Concrete Helmet, Sep 8, 2016.

  1. G 2

    G 2 Gator Great
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    Haven't read that book but Silberman is a great writer. He wrote an excellent article a few years ago about the increasing effectiveness of the placebo effect.
     
  2. stephenPE

    stephenPE Senior Member
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    The mind is a powerful thing........
     
  3. L-boy

    L-boy Senior Member
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    I'll have to look it up.

    There is a school of though that higher functioning autistics aren't disabled, they are just different. If you think of it, they can be kind of Spock like - don't interpret emotions, don't lie very well, take things literally. I know it drove him nuts when I said it but to this day I'd still bet my bottom dollar that Vulcan Alex is autistic.
     
  4. stephenPE

    stephenPE Senior Member
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    After reading quite a bit they may not function in our society well but they are different and have so much potential. VA? No doubt.
     
  5. Concrete Helmet

    Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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    Well the last week or so has been pretty darned good. He's returned to getting mostly Blue and Purple behavior reports which are the 2 highest out of 5. He's also been a little better about talking back to his mother and grandmother so I'm hoping it was a bump in the road. His therapist has visited his school several times in the last 2 weeks also and said he seems to fit in socially, which I've worried about, and he seems to be right in the middle as far as behavior goes. She also mentioned that 3 of the new students who came in from public schools in the area are the biggest trouble makers and have been sent to the Deans office on several occasions. She wasn't sure if that may have been an issue since it is very unusual at the school for children to behave this way...Kids sometime tend to follow in their classmates behavior for better or worse. We'll see.
     
  6. cover2

    cover2 I've grown old
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    Crete, I've been reading this thread for a bit and it has been interesting in terms of your anecdotal summaries and the feedback and advice from the posters. I'm no expert in child psychology by a long shot, but having worked in education for the last 27 years, much of what you have shared is familiar and I can still put a student's face with some of the situations. I'll share a few thoughts, but take them for what they're worth:
    • I think spanking is a good behavior management tool if it is implemented at an early age, done consistently, agreed upon by you and the missus, never administered in anger or to excess, and directed primarily at behaviors that are defiant or pose a health/safety risk. I was lucky that my wife and I were on the same page and neither of the in-laws ever posed issues with our family discipline. As a football coach back in those days, my wife was a great calming influence on me and I learned to be a better parent and educator/coach as a result. Once the kids grew beyond toddlers, where a swat on the seat worked, we progressed to 3 licks with the belt for the defiance/safety problems. For other issues, like "forgetting" their chores or homework, we'd take away the electronics or TV. By the time they were teenagers, the frequency of behaviors that warranted a spanking decreased each year until they were 16 and we didn't need to spank anymore. Consistency was the key and the kids came to know what to expect. They aren't perfect by any means and we joke about them being "for sale cheap" sometimes, but they have learned how to behave themselves around us and in public. I guess I'm at odds with those who think any corporal punishment is abuse. My folks used it and though I hated everyone I got at the time, I'm glad now that I got them. I wouldn't start spanking on a pre-teen or early teenager if I hadn't done it before and obviously it shouldn't be used for any children who have been abused.
    • Kids are like flowing water and seek the path of least resistance. Even the best grandparents (and spouses in some cases) can be great enablers. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for your MIL to countermand your initiatives where your son's behavior is concerned. I can also only imagine how the family dynamic would be affected if you forbade the MIL from her practices. Sounds like your plan to take him to your office will not only get him away from the opportunity jump the fence with grandma, but will also allow you to help him develop some responsibilities and also spend some time with you and see you model proper behaviors and relationships in a setting outside the home. Soon, if it is not already happening, your son will have some activities that will put him in a structured after-school environment (sports, clubs, etc.) that will continue to reinforce effort and acceptable behaviors along with developing positive social interactions. My wife and I were fortunate that our kids really enjoyed sports and played something different every season and both reaped the aforementioned benefits.
    • If I am remembering from earlier in the thread, your son is somewhere around middle school age? If so, the hormonal changes during this period can wreak its own havoc. If he takes any medication, it can easily get out of whack and add to the confusion. You also mentioned some of his new peer classmates and their behavior issues. May or may not be the case, but if they are/were kids he looked up to (because they are simply new or represented someone with exhibited skills or behaviors that for whatever reason were appealing), they can certainly have an adverse affect. Peer pressure, overt or otherwise, can really cause a kids to make decisions that go against what they have learned at home or from the positive authority figures. Teaching them to be independent thinkers (and basing their thinking on ideals that are right and proper) is an important, yet difficult task. It sounds like you know this and will do what it takes to get this developmental task completed.
    Stay the course, my friend. Your son will love you and appreciate it at some point down the line. Where your MIL is concerned, I'll wish for peace and understanding. Barring that, maybe a painless and non-lethal malady that will deprive her of speech for a while. Good luck.
     
    • Concrete Helmet

      Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Cover. Like I said earlier in this thread we've had pretty good going with our son to this point regarding school and home but I'll be the first to admit that sometimes we probably let him slide a little because we feel blessed with most of the progress he has made as opposed to some kids who are on the Autism spectrum. We want to celebrate the successes he's had so much that we sometimes loosen the reigns a bit too much. I've also been guilty as the other adult members of the household. For me to see him readjust his behavior over the last week and a half pleases me but also opens my eyes up to my fault as a parent which is being consistent in my parenting....I tend to let some things go too far and then probably over react when I have to put my foot down....Not good for teaching children and I think some of this has rubbed off on him. Amazing what we can learn from our kids huh?
       
      • cover2

        cover2 I've grown old
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        It is my pleasure to contribute. My hat's off to you and your wife. Parenting might be the hardest job we'll ever have. I can certainly understand you all wanting to celebrate the gains your son makes and it sounds like he is a remarkable guy. Keep plowing!

        Sometimes we learn more from the kids than they do from us! They can be great teachers if we are open to it. One more little nugget to share where discipline is concerned. My granddaddy, who mostly raised me, used to say that if a man wasn't willing to learn with his head, he'd end up learning through his @ss! Many of my life lessons came in through the back door.
         
        • Concrete Helmet

          Concrete Helmet Hook, Line, and Sinker
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          Update.....I almost hate to admit it but it looks like talking has worked somewhat. All A's and B's on the 1st 9 weeks report card, nothing but green(good) to purple(outstanding) on his daily classroom behavior reports. I was also surprised today when he received a medal from the Jiu Jitsu instructor for best technique and winning his class in takedowns and ground control....I'm still keeping my fingers crossed though just in case...
           
          • NVGator

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            That's fantastic news. It should make you real proud. Keep it going. :highfive:
             

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