Wednesday worsts…movies/shows vs reality

[Detroitgator]

Most every cop show (and movie) - though Hill Street Blues and Barney Miller were pretty close.

Every show about a PI. (Can't blame the producer/writers for that one though; how often would people watch a show about guys following around cheating spouses and workman's comp defrauders?)

Having met you in person, I can DEFINITELY see you on Barney Miller.

 

[Gatordiddy]

and ready to make love

...without morning breath either.

 

[Gatordiddy]

hands flying on the keyboard

like the girl in the first Jurassic Park movie:

"It's a Unix system, I know this"​

because all 12 year olds hacked away at Unix in the early 90's...didn't they?

 

[Detroitgator]

like the girl in the first Jurassic Park movie:

"It's a Unix system, I know this"​

because all 12 year olds hacked away at Unix in the early 90's...didn't they?

Nerd!

 

[Seedy]

Any scene with a "hacker" that is "in the zone"... typically with multiple monitors, hands flying on the keyboard, and screen fulls of digits scrolling down at a ridiculous speed... oh, and throw in "cool hacker" music.

I was going to say same.

 

[Seedy]

Ha, you just described Seedy EVERY DAMN DAY! I'm sorry but that looks like actual video of him. Except the dancing.
One of the monitors always has Twitch streaming someone fishing or playing WOW.
Great movie, BTW

Hush yo mouth.

 

[CDGator]

Hush yo mouth.

 

[cover2]

Sex scenes. The length of stroke, amount of time in action and number of partners is ALWAYS less than in reality.

Speak for yourself

 

[AuggieDosta]

Speak for yourself

I think I did.


"...is always LESS than reality."

 

[AlexDaGator]

Every bag of groceries has a baguette sticking out of it.

Women can magically run full speed over difficult terrain in high heels.

Bad guys can't hit anything (except maybe the hero's shoulder, which won't effect the hero whatsoever until the end of the movie when it's in a sling or something).

If you're in Paris, you can see the Eiffel Tower from your apartment window.

When you turn the lights off, it doesn't get dark, the light just turns blue-ish.

Guns never run out of ammunition (or heroes never run out of magazines). Also, guns never overheat and recoil (even on full auto) is negligible.

102 pound waifs beating the sh!t out of grown-ass men (or multiple grown-ass men).

Nobody knows super hot girl is super hot, until you take off her glasses and let her hair down.

Vehicles always unlocked, fueled, and keyed, and everybody can drive them like a professional (whether it's a car, a race car, a bus, a semi, a helicopter, a passenger jet, a fighter jet, a space ship--even if it is alien, etc.

Aliens look and sound exactly like humans with a few extra bumps or ridges on their heads.

A bullet can cause a car to blow up, yet a car door can be bullet proof if you kneel behind it.

Getting shot can cause you to be lifted off your feet and driven backwards.

A regular guy will turn into a hero to save his ex-wife.

Alex.

 

[Detroitgator]

Every bag of groceries has a baguette sticking out of it.

Women can magically run full speed over difficult terrain in high heels.

Bad guys can't hit anything (except maybe the hero's shoulder, which won't effect the hero whatsoever until the end of the movie when it's in a sling or something).

If you're in Paris, you can see the Eiffel Tower from your apartment window.

When you turn the lights off, it doesn't get dark, the light just turns blue-ish.

Guns never run out of ammunition (or heroes never run out of magazines). Also, guns never overheat and recoil (even on full auto) is negligible.

102 pound waifs beating the sh!t out of grown-ass men (or multiple grown-ass men).

Nobody knows super hot girl is super hot, until you take off her glasses and let her hair down.

Vehicles always unlocked, fueled, and keyed, and everybody can drive them like a professional (whether it's a car, a race car, a bus, a semi, a helicopter, a passenger jet, a fighter jet, a space ship--even if it is alien, etc.

Aliens look and sound exactly like humans with a few extra bumps or ridges on their heads.

A bullet can cause a car to blow up, yet a car door can be bullet proof if you kneel behind it.

Getting shot can cause you to be lifted off your feet and driven backwards.

A regular guy will turn into a hero to save his ex-wife.

Alex.

 

[ThreatMatrix]

Silencers that silence.

 

[Detroitgator]

Silencers that silence.

Probably the most ridiculous thing of all time... and sadly, one that is largely believed and influence law and regulation.

 

[bradgator2]

That doctors perform and run all the equipment in any medical show. There is a tech for every gadget. The doctor wouldnt even know how to turn it on.

 

[Detroitgator]

"That doctors perform and run all the equipment in any medical show. There is a tech for every gadget. The doctor wouldnt even know how to turn it on." - signed, every butthurt technician like brad, ever.

FIFY

 

[gatorev12]

Sex scenes. The length of stroke, amount of time in action and number of partners is ALWAYS less than in reality.

Have you tried watching porn? Far more realistic about most of the things you're complaining about vis a vis a Hollywood production.

 

[gatorev12]

Any movie or show purporting to show our legal and/or court systems in action, with the exception of My Cousin Vinny (the screenplay of which was written by an actual trial attorney). They are grossly inaccurate, to the point I can't even watch them.

 

[gatorev12]

Most military movies leave a LOT to be desired in terms of attempting to be authentic; though post-Saving Private Ryan, things have improved more on that front once studios saw that it paid to deliver a more accurate experience. That said, one of Hollywood's most celebrated movies about post 9-11 wars was the Hurt Locker, which was utter garbage on pretty much every level. Still haven't seen any movie get Afghanistan "right" either.

Don't even get me started on movies/shows that deal with the IC...the vast majority are laughably fictionalized. "Homeland" is one great example of a plot that just got absurd.

 

[Detroitgator]

Most military movies leave a LOT to be desired in terms of attempting to be authentic; though post-Saving Private Ryan, things have improved more on that front once studios saw that it paid to deliver a more accurate experience. That said, one of Hollywood's most celebrated movies about post 9-11 wars was the Hurt Locker, which was utter garbage on pretty much every level. Still haven't seen any movie get Afghanistan "right" either.

Don't even get me started on movies/shows that deal with the IC...the vast majority are laughably fictionalized. "Homeland" is one great example of a plot that just got absurd.

Hurt Locker just made me angry, mainly because it was so celebrated.

The Americans was the same, plot got to the point where they had to be killing someone every episode.

 

[Bernardo de la Paz]

Yeah. Hurt Locker was pretty much unwatchable.