Liquid Ass

Discussion in 'Main Sports Forum' started by oxrageous, Jan 14, 2016.

  1. oxrageous

    oxrageous It's Good to be King
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    Since it's a slow period, I decided to pull this out of the HOF temporarily for you to read for your enjoyment.
     
    • PastyStoole

      PastyStoole Man, there's no boundary line to art. ~Bird Parker
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      As promised previously in this thread, I ordered some for my buddy's birthday and had it sent to him. He had no idea where it came from, it just showed up in his mailbox. He was delighted to receive it, of course. The stuff smells like the smegma you'd find between William "The Refrigerator" Perry's ass cheeks after 60 minutes of football in Miami during an August heat wave.

      The following weekend we went to a "Flolfing" event in Lake Worth. It's a mini-golf and drinking event where 18 houses in the neighborhood set up a goony-golf hole in their backyard. We sprayed Liquid Ass everywhere, making particularly sure that each hole on each green was thoroughly soaked with the foul smelling substance. People behind us therefore had their golf balls, and then their hands, covered in the stuff. By the "19th Hole" after party, people were complaining loudly.

      None got it worse than the official mascot of the event, who made the mistake of taking off his giant golfball shaped head and setting it down on a golf cart. My buddy, seizing the opportunity, walked by and sprayed Liquid Ass in the head. Moments later we asked him for a photo, which prompted him to put the head back on, gag loudly and immediately struggle to pull it off. I'd sprayed the back of his suit then too. He was red faced and sweaty by the time he got the head off, loudly cursing and screaming that he wasn't doing any more photos.

      Here he is in happier times:
      .[​IMG]
       
      #82 PastyStoole, Dec 19, 2017
      Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
      • oxrageous

        oxrageous It's Good to be King
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        I have my doubts that any of that story is true, but I laughed like crazy anyway.
         
        • PastyStoole

          PastyStoole Man, there's no boundary line to art. ~Bird Parker
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          There's no way I would have sprayed that stuff inside the guy's golfball head, I don't have the guts to do something like that. But if you knew what my buddy is like after a few beers you'd consider this one of his milder events. :lol:
           
        • t-gator

          t-gator too sexy for my shirt

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          Pasty, are you wearing a kilt? Makes sense.
           
        • PastyStoole

          PastyStoole Man, there's no boundary line to art. ~Bird Parker
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          I'm not in the photo. To be honest, those guys creeped me out a little bit. My guess is they didn't care for me or my buddy's act much either. :lol:

          They've been doing it for years, though, so they kind of look at it like their own little Punxsutawney thing. Silly outfits and hats, probably some kind of secret handshake followed by sensual butt love in a dark room with lots of wesson oil and candles. I'm just guessing.
           
          • Zambo

            Zambo Poo Flinger
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            Great all-around ass story.
             
            • Durty South Swamp

              Durty South Swamp doodley doodley doo!
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              This was a classic then and still is now. Also, I still have the bottle of liquid ass in my desk drawer. Maybe I should break it out right before everyone goes on vacation. :Hmm:
               
            • crosscreekcooter

              crosscreekcooter Cunning Linguist
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              • biggator6

                biggator6 Junior Member

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                My friends and I ordered some of this stuff before a corporate event (about 6k people). The idea was to spread out and spray it during the keynote, but after we realized how bad it was.. we decided not to do that.

                Later, we found a safer way to have fun with it. We went into the bathrooms just outside the huge event hall, and sprayed it right before the event let out. Then sat outside and watched people walk in, gag, and turn around run out. Hours of fun.

                [edit] I should add.. that this stuff REALLY IS THAT BAD. If anyone buys it.. go out in an open area and test it before you get clever and spray it in your friend's car or something.
                 
                #90 biggator6, Dec 20, 2017
                Last edited: Dec 20, 2017
                • Lake Gator

                  Lake Gator SUBMARINERS GO DEEPER
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                  Heard Liquid Ass fumes cause cancer.
                   
                • Gator by the Sea

                  Gator by the Sea Well-Known Member
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                  I just saw this thread and haven't read all of it yet, but I can tell you that this stuff is seriously nasty smelling **** and is funny as hell to see unsuspecting victim's reactions to it. Me and a coworker have been using it on deserving victims for years. There is a little magic shop around here that sells it and also Barf-fume...great fun we've had with those two.
                   
                • CapitalGator02

                  CapitalGator02 ( . Y . )

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                  Tom Loy gave me liquid ass last night when he Crystal Balled Emory Jones to FSU.
                   
                  • lizardbreath

                    lizardbreath Well-Known Member

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                    There is no end to American ingenuity.
                     
                  • PastyStoole

                    PastyStoole Man, there's no boundary line to art. ~Bird Parker
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                    Liquid Ass in a vape pen may be the best prank ever:

                     
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                    • rogdochar

                      rogdochar Senior Member
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                      That's a dump pump for squirts.
                       
                    • divits

                      divits A Muffin of the Studly Variety
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                      Dude's extremely lucky he didn't get decked. :lol:
                       
                      • oxrageous

                        oxrageous It's Good to be King
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                        :lol:
                         
                      • Towels 'N Sporks

                        Towels 'N Sporks We R Bad Cause Urban Cheated on Wife

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                        This is super ****ed up and I would absolutely want to fight somebody or press charges if they did that **** to me.
                         
                      • Spurffelbow833

                        Spurffelbow833 Well-Known Member

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                        Swap your wife's breath spray out of her purse with a bottle of this. That is, if all she ever uses her mouth for anymore is to nag and berate you.
                         
                        #100 Spurffelbow833, Feb 23, 2021
                        Last edited: Feb 23, 2021

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